We are a paradox,
   Devastating,
   Intoxicating

We are willful,
   Heartbreaking,
   Frustrating

We are delicate,
   Gentle,
   Romantic

We are a saga,
   Never ending,
   A journey

We are the sun,
   The moon,
   The stars

We are a question,
   An answer,
   A story

We are the rain
   When I'm sad
   Because you left me

We are a firework
   When I'm happy
   Because you came back

We are the fight
   Within myself
   Over you

We are the peace
   I feel
   When you kiss me

We are for now,
   We'll see,
   Hopefully

I am yours
   You are mine
   Or are we?

I couldn't write you a poem
And that's how I knew
Because writing comes easily to me
Usually the words flow from me freely,
My feelings splattered on the paper in the form of stanzas and couplets
But not with you
The words caught in my throat
And that's how your love made me feel
Like I was choking
Overwhelmed with the newness of true love
Love I just couldn't return
As much as I tried
So I let you go
And the words came back to me
Flowing freely again,
Like the oxygen to my lungs
And the blood through my veins
Spilling from me like the tears that spilled from your eyes and mine as I so easily broke your heart
And now I feel nothing
Maybe I'm just that cruel,
Breaking your heart, calling it quits, because now you're choking
Now you can't breathe
Is it fair of me to make you feel like I felt these last few months?
A trade off, our happiness causing the other pain
So did I do the right thing?
Or am I cruel?
Your first time being in love, and what feels like my eightieth
Because all the feelings are the same
So close, but just not right
Lighting me up inside, but only for a second
And then the light goes out, and I grow cold
The happiness radiating from my counterpart almost comical when compared to my increasing apathy
So I let you go
Before my coldness got you too
For I'm not cut out for lasting love
Hopelessly pathetic at forming real relationships
I was hurt one too many times when I was younger
And now I'm scared and a little broken and I can't let my walls down
So sure, I'll settle for cruel
That's what you think of me anyway
The cruel girl who took away the only relationship you've ever invested in
I'm the only girl you've ever loved
And you're the only boy who has ever truly loved me
They say look for and hold on to those who love you
And I'm so good at pushing them away
But somewhere inside me I knew
I knew I could never be happy with him
So holding on would only do damage
And I wish people would stop saying that
Stop saying to hold on
Because just because someone loves you, doesn't mean it's right
And it doesn't mean you can love them back
And I couldn't
So I let him go
And maybe I'm cruel
Or maybe I'm brave
I'm probably just scared
But I did what I thought was right
And that has to count for something

I've spent half my time telling myself that you are a terrible person.
And with just a few sentences you've unlocked the chains around my heart.
The only thing keeping me from feeling what I once felt for you.
I find myself smiling, laughing
With you.
You caused me so much pain
So, so many tears.
The knots in my stomach I thought would never come unclenched.
But here I am laughing.
Betraying myself.
Breaking my own heart because it's fool me twice shame on me.
But if we're being honest, it's way past fool me twice.
More like fool me to the moon and back
Because that's the line that got me
To the moon and back
How romantic of you, to travel that far
Just for me
But we both know it was only pretty words
And the only reason you're here now is because even though we are as used to each other as the stars are the night sky,
I'm new.
We fell into the pattern of comfortable
And then we had our break
And the tears
And the silence
So the talking is new
The flirting is innocent, but oh so loaded
It's like a grenade, this fragile line we walk
One wrong word, one bold move and this pretty picture of happiness would be shattered
But I do love art
Especially the kind you and I make
The way we are together
How the tired sentences don't make sense, but neither of us will say goodnight.
Even now.
And maybe you're supposed to be there.
On my mind and in my life
Because I'm sure as hell not shaking you.

The love songs playing on the radio, and
the poems from one sweetheart to another
Make me increasingly aware that I am alone.
It's not all bad.
I'm just more aware.
Aware of my singularity.
Emily and Lover
Is now just
Emily-
"Take this time to work on you," my well-meaning friends order.
But what does that mean?
I'm a person, not a machine.
I can't install a new heart because the one I have now is faulty.
I can't make my brain
Stop-
Thinking thoughts of him.
I don't get to turn myself off for awhile
Or press the reset button.
So I immerse myself in new things,
Things he knows nothing of
So he has less of a chance of creeping into my fragile mind.
I refer to him as "he"
Instead of "you"
Because this poem can't be for him.
I look for ways to distance myself from situations where I'm
vulnerable
Because I'm still reeling at the fact that I can feel this much pain.
Even though it hits me less often,
Those fleeting intervals leave me gasping for air.
Just like he left me on that doorstep those many months ago.
I still cry sometimes.
Though I tell everyone I'm fine
Because although they don't admit it, they are as tired of hearing about him
As I am of crying over him.
Nobody should make me feel this way.
I am a strong person
Made confusingly weak by this boy who doesn't even understand what love is.
While I loved,
He said words he thought I wanted to hear.
He lusted and mistook it for romance.
The sweet, caring gestures missing from the relationship I romanticized
Because I didn't want to argue
I made excuses over and over
For this kid who just didn't get it.
I'm feeling so much pain.
Not because he hurt me, but because I put him on a
pedestal.
In my mind I erased his flaws.
I pretended his words didn't hurt
And that his keeping me hidden didn't matter.
So now that he's gone it's like I'm living all that pain
For the first time.
I'm only now letting myself admit that I wasn't the only
flawed one in the relationship.
And it's okay that I'm not over him,
Those things take time.
As long as I realize that I wasn't the only one in the wrong,
That's progress.

Take my love away,
My desires, my feelings.
If I can't have you, I don't want to love.
Take away my ability to feel.
I can't stomach the pain.
The happiness around me is too vibrant,
The sadness too real to watch.
My feelings are too extreme to enjoy.
I'd rather feel numb than lonely.
I'd rather not feel than to feel too intensely.
I sound cynical, cold, hard.
But I'd rather be that than broken.

And here I am.
One a.m.
Writing about you again, although I swore I wouldn't.
There's just so much to write about.
You fill me with poetic words and phrases that can't help but fall from my mind onto the pages beneath my pen.
I can't help but write about you, everything about you.
I want the world to know how you're a paradox with your big-*** truck and your hipster music.
And how you softly kiss my forehead while you hold me in your arms.
I want to yell and scream about our love, but I'm shy, so I silently write about your big eyes that so seriously look into mine.
And your strong hands that slowly run over my skin.
I need the world to know about your mind, how smart and interesting it is.
So I fill the pages of my book with tiny praises of you.
My biggest compliments strewn across the lined paper, compliments that you will never read.
But that's okay.
You know what your mind, hands, and eyes are like---it's the world that doesn't.
So, world, read my poem and see the big-eyed, strong-handed boy that for some reason has chosen to love me.
Picture him with his unsteady walk because he's afraid of what's in store for him.
But don't miss those flashes of courage that sometimes radiate from him as he chooses to fall in love anyway.
See the boy so full of life, yet unaware of what he's capable of.
Do you love him?
I do.

Time is rushing,
Swirling out of control,
Faster and faster with each passing day.
Unnoticed in the moment,
But the time that has passed seems to stretch out into forever when looking back upon it
A blink of the eye
A silly cliche
Moments wasted
Chances taken
An intake of breath as the realization comes to light that the time left here is slipping away