"Kiss me"
you wrote on a napkin.
and left it in your jacket pocket for me to find
"I want you"
you wrote on a sugar packet
and handed it to me like it was a joke
"Nothing" you wrote on my lips
the first time they touched yours

i miss that light

                       i might die

buzz that I used to have.

it wasn’t the amphetamine high--

it was the empty stomach

i don’t have to eat

high

every meal skipped was power

as if we were otherworldly creatures

whose stomachs would only contain naughty water and faerie food.

we were hollowing out
and i loved it.

the lightness of my bones, the way my cheek bones were shining through

and my ribs were getting

                               e                
                                 a              
                                    s    

                                   i
                                 e
                                r

to count.

& i miss that heart exploding dilated eyes

rush. not for the high

but for the simple matter that i was bird thin

empty.

not thin enough, but on my way.

i miss it, and it misses me.

i am strong enough…aren’t i?

i could do it again.

and this time—

                      i wont need the pills.

self loathing is fuel enough.

i want that power— every bite I don’t take is a boy who

told me i wasn’t good enough.

every skipped meal is a small triumph against myself.

i can do it.

it would be easy and no one would notice.

but i wont.

She liked his lips
but the way the word beautiful
and her name
sounded coming out of them was what made her fall in love.

She liked his height
but the way her head sat against his chest when they hugged was what made her fall in love.

She liked his hands in hers
but the way he opened and closed his fingers around hers was what made her fall in love.

She liked how smart he was
but the way he always knew what to say was what made her fall in love

She liked how he acted interested in the things she loved
but the way he really proved it to her was what made her fall in love.

she liked how he complimented her
but the way he made her feel like more than just any girl was what made her fall in love.

She liked how safe she felt around him
but the way he stood up for her and told her she was right was what made her fall in love.

She liked how brave he was
but the way he would have asked her parents if he could date her was what made her fall in love.

She knew it wasn't right to love him yet
but that was what made her fall in love.

I thought I'd never stop missing you.
I thought the echo of your voice would never stop in my head
That the words I love you
And Angel
Would forever ring in my ears.
I thought I'd never get over the way your hands felt on me
the trailing of your fingers on my lips
their dance around my collarbone
and the way they dragged over my rib cage
leaving a trail every inch of the way.
I was sure that I'd never forget the constellation of freckles along your back
and the one behind your left ear
how beautiful they were
how they never bothered me
and how I loved them even though you didn't.
I knew I'd never forget the color of your eyes
so chocolatey brown
with a hint of green
and a splash of orange.
I thought I'd never stop missing you.
But the echo of your voice has since turned into a whisper
I've found myself unable remember what your laugh sounds like
and I find it annoying when I hear someone call their girl Angel.
I've slowly gotten over the way your hands felt on me
and I've come to realize
how rough the skin on your fingers was
and how the trails you've left are just scars I want to cover up.
I'm not sure where your freckles are
I think there is one behind your right ear
and on your stomach
and maybe a few on your shoulder
but I always found them messy and annoying.
I don't know what color your eyes are
you have blonde hair so I'm guessing blue?
I guess I've just stopped missing you.

You taught me what this feels like
and then how it feels to lose it
You showed me who I wanted
and then who I wasn't.
You ticked every box
and drew a line.
You weren't mine to begin with
and then not to end with.
You looked like everything I wanted
and then became something I hated.
You get thought of almost every day
and at that
not in a good way.
You let me leave
and I'm happy you did.
Then you almost killed me
but I didn't die.
You broke my heart into pieces
but I put them back together.
And now it's a shield
it keeps the bad feelings out.
You threw my trust in the dirt
stomped on it and spit.
I picked it up off the ground
washed it's scars and
hung it to dry.
And it's still scarred forever.
And so am I.
And it's still hard.
But I didn't die.

2 steps forward
4 steps back
All fun and games
Till someone gets hurt
Shall we play a game,
With no return?
Go places we've never been
Who gives a **** if we don't make it?
That's why we do it
Test the limits
Risk it all

Just to see who would care
Just to reassure ourselves
That if we're gone
They would send a prayer

Let's go there
Leave at the crack of dawn
Gone
That's what we'll be
Forever
Gone
Wild
Free
Together
You and I

I hate you most
Always together
That's what we are
They say it's an allusion
All in your head
They drive you crazy
Until your dead
That's were I'm headed
And your coming with me
Because if I'm the car
Then you're the key
So lets go to a new nowhere
Start over until that **** gets to old
And we'll keep going
Just you and me
My *Demon