sitting in disease
when there's only one cure
millions of causes
billions of symptoms
but a cure unfound
what will mend a sick being into a healthy individual?
the trajectory to that discovery is realistically unknown.
temporary happiness may ease the pain yet they seem to have solutions in mind.
whether a person or a dream these things help them find hope.
but hope isn't a cure.

i can hear her
i can hear the pain in her voice as it rings around the house
i can feel the scars on my flesh as if i've been affected
i see the gloominess in her eyes as tears began to flow
but i cant speak
i cant move
i cant breathe
my heart once beating at a normal pace has accelerated to ungodly speeds
my palms once dry and rough have becoming trickled in sweat and nerves
my stomach once growling with discomfort has grown to tossing and turning in silence
i'm scared
i'm fearful of her reaction if i speak
although the sounds of her cries are painful i can't bring myself to interrupt
maybe i'm not strong enough for this
maybe i'm not strong enough to face my troubles
i'm not brave enough to stop things from escalating any further
i'm scared
i'm fearful
i'm lost for words
i'm confused
i'm her

as you fell in love with yourself, I fell more in love you. as you became selfish, I became more dependent on you to make me happy and that's where I messed up. before this I was independent, I wouldn't take **** from anyone but I slowly began to realize that you were something I'd never encountered. that you were unusual and I was intrigued. I fell in love. not carefully, but quickly and I will never regret it but what I will regret is letting my guard down. I gave you all of me, everything I am and now I have no one but myself but as I look for myself I realize that you still have me and I don't know how I'm ever going to get that back.

why did I fall in love so early? we used to say we were lucky for finding 'the one' before anyone else. we used to think of love as a positive. I used to think of love as a positive. I'm sure he still does as he hopelessly loves the girl that doesn't think about him. I'm sure he's perfectly fine because to him she's perfectly made. I was left with nothing. torn apart by words and betrayal. left to wipe up puddles of pain sprinkled across my floor. there's too many to count. there's too many to clean. so I dwell in my sadness. chained to my past trying to move on with this feeling in my gut, "I do."