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Emily B Apr 2016
The Peace of Wild Things By Wendell Berry


When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Apr 2016 · 494
church-going
Emily B Apr 2016
some say God is in the trees
but the cedar in front of my house
is always full of cackling old blackbirds

i hear the whisperings
of my Creator
somewhere
deep in the middle of me

maybe i am the church

maybe every pain is a memory
every tear a redemption
first write for poetry month / the prompt I found from Rachel McKibbens -- If your body is a church , what memory is its god?
Apr 2016 · 711
worry
Emily B Apr 2016
i learned how
to diagnose myself
somewhere
along the way

trauma
dissociation
abuse
depression

so many words
to describe
who i may be

words i don't talk about

i worry about
drowning
in waters
no one can see
but me
i watched "The Fisher King" last night. It got me thinking.
Apr 2016 · 503
all my favorite words
Emily B Apr 2016
(in no particular order)

bereft
vagaries
dalliance
revery
sentient
trepidation
res­olute
longing
ephemeral
steadfast
dulcet
manifest
a work in progress, feel free to add your own favorites in the comments
Emily B Apr 2016
First there is this: 

sentience 
echoes of a pounding heart
un-asked for dread 
looking to the sky for answers 
one ear to the ground 
a natural alliance 
in intangible connections. 

The amethyst beneath
distressed wood
and chipping paint 
stubborn in its design 
Buddhist expressions 
listening for enlightenment 
the package of unity
found on this door step 
inexplicably
dissolves everything 
into itself 

Then the words: 

your voice sinks deep 
like gravity as it applies to heat 
and then a skipped space

and:

walking that line 
where the crack in the sidewalk
nurtures your vibe 
must have been something
we were talking about
whatever day it was. . .
Hidden designs lodged into our psyche 
Others may have seen it before
we did but it's hard to say 

and then: 

I give you my voice 
and we tiptoe around what can't be said. 
You watch me turn this into a dance 
& sigh reminiscent 
And I talk lullabies in hillbilly drawl. 
Conversations long to stretch themselves thin 
Patience.. We pass each other
shift-work. 
Stories and thoughts become play time
I take over and you catch some zzzz's. 
How can this be? 
and How can it not?
final thoughts.. for tonight at least
Sleep sweet, john. A piece of paper found in my purse and some conversation turned into this. He made me a better poet. I can guess which words might be mine. But I couldn't say for sure.
Mar 2016 · 283
ophelia
Emily B Mar 2016
I never pitied Ophelia
enough.
Never understood her
grief-

to lose and be lost.

I think I must be crazy now.
My mind wandered off
when you did
and I don't know
how to fetch it back.

He loves me
He loves me not
rue and remembrance
and something forgotten too

the river sometimes
calls my name
there are flowers
there
Emily B Mar 2016
i look up at the mountain
that banished
tiny me
and i wonder
if majestic knows

that

pebbles

rarely

grow in stature

or

reach into the sky
it must have been a parable
Mar 2016 · 374
inner child
Emily B Mar 2016
I find myself in odd moments
repeating a nursery rhyme
out of the blue
complete with the hand movements

Crazy, you say
for a 41 year old woman
to be singing about a rained on spider
without a small child
anywhere near?

I was starting to think so.

But then I realized
that it has been a season of
spirit drenching rain.

One catastrophe biting
at the tail of the next.

So my inner child came out to play.
Smile, she said.
the sky is blue, she said.
The rain brings new life, she said.



*. . . and the eensy weensy spider went up the spout again
Mar 2016 · 2.4k
adulting
Emily B Mar 2016
my mother worries
that there will be no one
by her bed
when she dies

she doesn't remember
that when i was a toddler
she put herself to bed
and made me her parent

she forgets that she used
those little hands to rub
her back--her head
until she felt better

these grown up hands
still wince
at the thought of touching
her skin

somehow i will have
to find a way to fulfill my
adult responsibilities
perhaps she still has

a day or two til then
more honest if it kills me
Mar 2016 · 399
disaster
Emily B Mar 2016
Last night was such
a ridiculously busy night
In dispatch.

And we were vastly outnumbered
by the work
We needed to do.

That when the gas station clerk
called to say she found
a roach--

I said,
You don't mean an insect,
do you?
Emily B Mar 2016
I think I am an adult

So if I tuck myself in bed
at six a.m.
with a breakfast of
microwave popcorn
and cold beer

there is no body
present and awake
with the authority
to tell me otherwise

If somebody could just
convince this cat
to look the other way

(cats don't even like
popcorn)
Mar 2016 · 625
i want to be a tree
Emily B Mar 2016
someday
when i've left this realm
and come back back again
i want to be a tree

you think i jest

but my goal has always been
to stand taller and be more honest
and what could possibly
be more honest
than a cedar
standing tall through all the seasons

his bark is peeling
and his green is prickly
but the birds all light
in the tallest branches
and sing sweet tunes

his roots run deep
and his arms reach wide
i used to think i wanted wings
so i could fly toward heaven
but maybe i'd rather be a tree
Mar 2016 · 322
well-spring
Emily B Mar 2016
because i was bored
disgruntled
impatient
i thought i would
take my mind
off the emergencies of the night
by reaching
down
down
into the furthest reaches
of your poetry stash
thought it might
be a pleasant diversion
and keep my mind
occupied
for a minute or two

it didn't work
i scrolled and scrolled
to get to the beginning
the website bogged down
the server crashed
the electric flickered

no dice

you are more vast than i imagined
Mar 2016 · 346
riot
Emily B Mar 2016
my joints have launched
into full scale riot mode

i guess they are jealous
that my sinuses
have had me down and out

i am too old for my age
something
has got to give pretty soon
Mar 2016 · 296
messenger
Emily B Mar 2016
I think
if the Hawk
is a messenger
between heaven and earth
then, Sometimes,
so am I.
Mar 2016 · 420
always walking
Emily B Mar 2016
I saw a question
in your eyes
the last time we walked.

I can’t remember
the sky
ever shining bluer.

I wonder, if, somewhere
under passion-colored leaves
you found an answer.
Mar 2016 · 388
qualifications
Emily B Mar 2016
a co-worker just confided that i am a better cook
than a colleague who considers herself an expert in the field.
much surprised, i didn't think in my year tenure
i had shared enough of my kitchen
to make an impression.
apparently it is the simple things,
that count in life.
i am reminded of the old lady
giving instructions to the young housewife,
to make good butter you must first have a
good brown or mouse-colored cow.
and never feed it turnips.
i won't go through the entire list of thou shalts.
but it must be true
when we shine heart on the fruits of our labors
they will in turn nourish and enrich
the hearts that love us.
a draft
Mar 2016 · 379
to do list
Emily B Mar 2016
today i washed out the tall pack basket with the canvas straps
tomorrow i will start a game of hide and seek
throughout the house and barn
to fill it with all the detritus of running
an 18th century kitchen

1. the cast iron pots all have to be burnt and seasoned
2. locate my tomahawk, i will need that, the frontier is a brutal place
3. spoons and utensils and s-hooks
4. the wooden bowls and pottery mugs
5. the mint tea i collected from the garden last year and dried
6. staples, like corn meal and salt, all in period appropriate containers
7. receipt books, because recipes were unheard of
8. the seeds i saved, can't remember what they came from, just from the area out of the garden where i collected them -- guess that will be a surprise for later
9. vessels for collecting water
10. spinning wheel and wool roving, though it won't fit in the basket

I guess that's a start. Maybe now I won't dream that I come to the fort completely unprepared for the first day of the season.
Mar 2016 · 1.1k
Stay Close, My Heart by Rumi
Emily B Mar 2016
STAY CLOSE, MY HEART -- RUMI

Stay close, my heart, to the one who knows your ways;
Come into the shade of the tree that allays has fresh flowers.
Don't stroll idly through the bazaar of the perfume-markers:
Stay in the shop of the sugar-seller.
If you don't find true balance, anyone can deceive you;
Anyone can trick out of a thing of straw,
And make you take it for gold
Don't squat with a bowl before every boiling ***;
In each *** on the fire you find very different things.
Not all sugarcanes have sugar, not all abysses a peak;
Not all eyes possess vision, not every sea is full of pearls.
O nightingale, with your voice of dark honey! Go on lamenting!
Only your drunken ecstasy can pierce the rock's hard heart!
Surrender yourself, and if you cannot be welcomes by the Friend,
Know that you are rebelling inwardly like a thread
That doesn't want to go through the needle's eye!
The awakened heart is a lamp; protect it by the him of your robe!
Hurry and get out of this wind, for the weather is bad.
And when you've left this storm, you will come to a fountain;
You'll find a Friend there who will always nourish your soul.
And with your soul always green, you'll grow into a tall tree
Flowering always with sweet light-fruit, whose growth is interior.

(translated by Andrew Harvey)
Mar 2016 · 920
giving notice
Emily B Mar 2016
my world changed today
and nobody has noticed
yet
i don't like change
don't deal well
with upheaval
with letting go

even when it is needed

but at least there are words
and time has a way
of erasing memories

a year from now
no one will even remember
i once filled a chair
during the night shift
being able to see that you fulfill a certain time and purpose doesn't make it any easier to accept when folks move on, i guess
Mar 2016 · 431
siren songs and barbed wire
Emily B Mar 2016
i stopped singing siren songs
some time ago
at least i wrote it in a poem
once

i stopped singing songs

the little bird stopped
singing in my ear

there were no words

you asked me not to make
a project out of you
and i nodded along

i am not so unbroken
that i could
fix
any thing

there are always
consequences

they've chewed on me
before
Mar 2016 · 307
things with big teeth
Emily B Mar 2016
the first day
i dreamed a bear
walked past me
while i was in bed.

He took no notice
and turned
and walked back
down the stairs.

The next day
i dreamed
i caught
a hundred sharks.

They were going
in the freezer
to feed us
through the winter.

My dreams seem to be
saying
that I needn't be afraid
of things with big teeth.

Sometimes
our dreams
see clearer
than we do.
Mar 2016 · 681
favorite
Emily B Mar 2016
i am not
my favorite poet
not even third or
fourth in line for the title

the hawk circles
laughing
at such a notion

and i bury my toes
in the dirt
waiting for the mockingbird
to chime in
that's about the length of it
Mar 2016 · 713
i thought he was magic
Emily B Mar 2016
i mean i had always known
when a man was
just about to kiss me

and he was different
that kiss
caught me off
balance

and he seemed surprised
but
i thought he was magic

because
how could he do that

and i thought about it
for almost a year
and

one day
i realized
that he never even
thought

there was no mind to read
no early warning radar
he just kissed

and i wished
it was magic
Mar 2016 · 517
from me to you
Emily B Mar 2016
if you could just plant me
somewhere
deep in your heart

shine smiles on me
here and there

water me with kisses

i promise to grow
into a fragrant bouquet

just for you
maybe or not, you know
Mar 2016 · 334
cursed
Emily B Mar 2016
maybe it was me
that cursed you
and i might admit it

you dreamed
there was a bird
singing in the corner
just a little off-key

woke fitful

tossed and turned

your little toe
ached
for no godly reason

a tingle here
a chill there

i am almost sorry

i just missed
your conversation
Emily B Mar 2016
last night i dreamed a brown bear wandered in my room and grabbed something off the side table and just wandered out again

i assumed the kids had just got another pet

but then you said

I had not shaved in weeks, get very Grizzly like, and your door was unlocked, so?

so, maybe it was that old story
Goldilocks in reverse
but i don't think you were really after my porridge
playing
Mar 2016 · 449
her name doesn't mean truth
Emily B Mar 2016
She’s not as genuine as cubic zirconia

or Christmas tree tinsel.

Her life may be one large web

littered with duty and lies.

But she smiles convincingly

and attends to the avoidable

and carries herself

as if all is well under the fragile façade.

Don’t ask her for honesty.

She could no more move the moon

than she could tell you the thing

you wouldn’t want to hear.

Don't think she doesn't grieve

when someone pulls at the scab of her reality.

There are, after all,

two sides to every story.

And if she wants to be a chameleon

in a changing, scary world
shouldn't we pretend like we can't see?
Mar 2016 · 478
dreamtime
Emily B Mar 2016
My dad wanders in and out of my dreams.
The conversations are better than I ever remember.
He says stuff to me now.

Apparently being dead does bring wisdom.
We were watching a flood, him and me.
Up home.
Must have been astral travel cause I don't know
how I could have got there.

Well, anyway, we were watching the water storm through the yard and the street and the middle of the house.
And I could feel my insides aching to mourn for all the things that I watched float away.
He just grinned.
And said "let it go, it's just stuff."

And I ducked my head and wiped away the tears and wondered again
how he got so smart.
Mar 2016 · 321
finding grace
Emily B Mar 2016
My generous hands
forgot how to pray.
I watched the butterfly
rise on strong winds
hoping that in the opening
and closing
of her silent wings
I might remember.

My heart is vacant.
The words all wandered off
and I've been searching-
for what
I can't name.

Hands wide open
and waiting.

My knees tremble-
ache-to please again.
But my hands won't remember
and the words won't come back
Mar 2016 · 264
forever
Emily B Mar 2016
I'll wear my hair long
and throw my lipstick away.
I'll go where you go
and rest where you rest.
I'll hold you so close
that the darkness
can't wedge itself
between us.

I'll feed your heart
and tempt your soul
and you will always
be enough
for me.

But some days . . .
when I'm sideways
and the weather
wants to change
I may look yonder
and see a shining star

I may smile

and chatter

and fly free
Mar 2016 · 552
wandered off
Emily B Mar 2016
If you should chance to find me gone
absent from spinning wheel and loom
dasher idle in the butter churn

If you survey the fields and hills
to find me not at work in the garden
and not returning from the spring

If you should look around to find
sewing cast aside
dishes strewn unwashed on the hearth

It could be

     I've wandered off alone down to the river

     to lose myself in the cool flow.
getting ready to go back to Boone's Fort on the Kentucky River.
Mar 2016 · 391
curses
Emily B Mar 2016
You’re whispering secrets to stars
and I’m warbling love songs
to confused meadowlarks.

Tennyson is too romantic
for a fool like me.

Maybe I should keep to my tower--
busy fingers making seams
no one can see.

Even if there are curses.

I will still walk
through the green valley
holding a valiant hand.
contemplating various paintings that memorialize the Lady of Shalott
Mar 2016 · 322
digging deep
Emily B Mar 2016
those times when
my roots stretch deep
in barren soil

searching

I don't know
if you could guess
the urgency
of my need

the clouds whisper
how soon
until hope
rains


and I look
skyward
again
Mar 2016 · 205
lay me down
Emily B Mar 2016
lay me down
the book you haven't
quite finished ******* through

run rough fingers
over bindings that cover
smiling secrets

whisper my name
to embracing darkness

wonder aloud
how the story ends

then wrap me in
strong arms
and hold me close
Mar 2016 · 2.0k
Silence by Edgar Lee Masters
Emily B Mar 2016
Edgar Lee Masters. 1869–
  
Silence
  
  
I HAVE known the silence of the stars and of the sea,  
And the silence of the city when it pauses,  
And the silence of a man and a maid,  
And the silence for which music alone finds the word,  
And the silence of the woods before the winds of spring begin,          
And the silence of the sick  
When their eyes roam about the room.  
And I ask: For the depths  
Of what use is language?  
A beast of the field moans a few times  
When death takes its young.  
And we are voiceless in the presence of realities—  
We cannot speak.  
  
A curious boy asks an old soldier  
Sitting in front of the grocery store,  
"How did you lose your leg?"  
And the old soldier is struck with silence,  
Or his mind flies away  
Because he cannot concentrate it on Gettysburg.  
It comes back jocosely  
And he says, "A bear bit it off."  
And the boy wonders, while the old soldier  
Dumbly, feebly lives over  
The flashes of guns, the thunder of cannon,  
The shrieks of the slain,  
And himself lying on the ground,  
And the hospital surgeons, the knives,  
And the long days in bed.  
But if he could describe it all  
He would be an artist.  
But if he were an artist there would he deeper wounds  
Which he could not describe.  
  
There is the silence of a great hatred,  
And the silence of a great love,  
And the silence of a deep peace of mind,  
And the silence of an embittered friendship,  
There is the silence of a spiritual crisis,  
Through which your soul, exquisitely tortured,  
Comes with visions not to be uttered  
Into a realm of higher life.  
And the silence of the gods who understand each other without speech,  
There is the silence of defeat.  
There is the silence of those unjustly punished;  
And the silence of the dying whose hand  
Suddenly grips yours.  
There is the silence between father and son,  
When the father cannot explain his life,  
Even though he be misunderstood for it.  
  
There is the silence that comes between husband and wife.  
There is the silence of those who have failed;  
And the vast silence that covers  
Broken nations and vanquished leaders.  
There is the silence of Lincoln,  
Thinking of the poverty of his youth.  
And the silence of Napoleon  
After Waterloo.  
And the silence of Jeanne d'Arc  
Saying amid the flames, "Blesséd Jesus"—  
Revealing in two words all sorrow, all hope.  
And there is the silence of age,  
Too full of wisdom for the tongue to utter it  
In words intelligible to those who have not lived  
The great range of life.  
  
And there is the silence of the dead.  
If we who are in life cannot speak  
Of profound experiences,  
Why do you marvel that the dead  
Do not tell you of death?  
Their silence shall be interpreted  
As we approach them.
Mar 2016 · 367
food for thought
Emily B Mar 2016
i brought the potted plant into the kitchen
nobody remembered to water him
this week
and he was looking downtrodden
and wilty.

all that talk about
microwaved hotdogs
and pork chops cooked
a half dozen different ways
has made me slightly hungry

i have some granola bars
in my locker and
two and one half hours
until shift ends

looking forward to
seeing the inside of
these eyelids
insomnia has been crushing
all my best dreams lately

here's hoping
you have better
luck
eh
Mar 2016 · 347
connection
Emily B Mar 2016
your words flashed quickly
                       like bolts of lightning
each.brilliantly.illuminating
     charging my perception.

words pulsed
                       from you to me
     and back again
luring me through dark mazes.

the storm lights my way
                 magnetizing our connections
                                   melding our words.

phantom thoughts
   become real
                      loom large through
                 your alluring
                                 inducements.

seduction played into
     the power
                   of the idea.

wanting more than just
               vague reminiscences
    wanting to wrap my mind around
                                 true understanding.

mysteries, enigmas --
       reaching
                              always reaching.

enticed by the unknown
      i lean in
                  drawn by an attraction
             that eludes description.

i cannot extricate myself
              from the web of enchantment.
Mar 2016 · 754
wonder
Emily B Mar 2016
Don't tell me how it works, sir,
I like to watch
And be amazed at the display.
The inner workings, wiring, switches,
all, are unnecessary details.
Miracles deflated.
Don't explain the rainbow,
or the sunshine,
or brain waves.
Child-like
in my comprehension
I want to smile
and clap my hands
at the wonder
of it all.
Mar 2016 · 375
Almost Stranger
Emily B Mar 2016
An almost-stranger
called me to the hospital
And I rode with my family
Nearer-knowing the reality
than I thought.
I walked through old familiar halls,
Remembering a bout with pneumonia and
Family brushes with car wrecks and cancer.
And then I found my mother--
Weeping,
Tissue box in hand.
“He’s gone,” she said.
And I looked around for my children
And wondered how they would be
Affected by the news.
We sat
And waited
for God only knows what.
And the coroner came and took us in a room
To see him,
that grey, husk of a man.
How could they say that he--
that cold man
Is my father?
I shed a tear or two
And made decisions
Right and wrong
Dreading the day when I would grieve.
Days and weeks passed,
Years came and went,
And I,
Was left to wonder
How you can miss someone
You never had . . .
Mar 2016 · 299
i saw you
Emily B Mar 2016
watching me
in my dream,
my old ghost

and i am not
going
to call you out
just yet

but you should
probably know

that i can see you
too
for what it's worth
Mar 2016 · 354
there are nights
Emily B Mar 2016
there are *** nights
but i think this one
can best be described
by omfg
i will be glad
to get 10-8
tohome

there is a whiskey there
and a hot bath
and a warm bed
code 23
Mar 2016 · 361
because
Emily B Mar 2016
poems are just conversations
that begin and end
when your eyes
meet the word

and inspired
happens
in conversations
just like this one
and those other ones

i would be happy
to volunteer
as president
of your fan club

i have a little experience
working in and around
make-shift zoos

here's hoping
you stay inspired
so we can continue
the conversation
Mar 2016 · 731
can you guess?
Emily B Mar 2016
Hello, fellow human mortal soul,
it is nice to find folks
who can converse
in the same foolish language
that I make.

being Muse makes me very happy

It is nice to find poets
who know all
my secret favorite words.

a lot can happen
to a person during times of
struggle/growth

there are still nightmares to decipher
and songs to sing

you keep me company
from way down there
in the garden of Eden
where you're all pine
and we're all cedar
i bet the rain even smells different,
where we're all limestone and you're clay

Yes, like I am -
I won't forget you.
Mar 2016 · 272
somebody save me
Emily B Mar 2016
i am six hours in
to a twelve hour shift
and i didn't get
my afternoon nap

i have consumed
a *** of coffee
thus far

you might want
to nudge me
if you see me
sleeping

the struggle bus
just backed over me

and I have to do it all again
tomorrow
Feb 2016 · 331
restitution
Emily B Feb 2016
I carry my remorse
in bulging pockets
long years have done little

to diminish the weight
of my sins

I shine a little light
I smile a little song

as if to ward off
the reproach
that I imagine
in your eyes

There are too many
penalties
for loving you
Feb 2016 · 376
restoration
Emily B Feb 2016
Time to pick up
all the shattered pieces.

Cement the colored
fragments of memory
and voice

with hope
and something new
that resembles

confidence.

A new day shines--

I will emerge
brilliant
as the sun.
Feb 2016 · 457
I wonder
Emily B Feb 2016
I will heal you,

he said.

My words of grace

will ease your aches.

My inner light

will guide you home.

My patient hands

will soothe your spirit.

I am all that you need.*

But I wonder

if his words have grace.

And I wonder

if his hands are patient.

And I wonder

if his light will shine.

And I wonder

if I am all that he needs.
Feb 2016 · 440
I don't do spells
Emily B Feb 2016
He thinks I'm magic
as if my voice
has power
to pull him from
the dark abyss.

I think it must be trickery,
sleight of hand,
magnetism,
trap doors even.

These hands
hold no enchantment.

This heart
knows no spell.

Still, I would beguile
the moon from the sky
if heaven's light
would guide his steps.

I would bewitch
the thorns that crowd
his path.

I would conjure
the smile
that melts my heart.
eh, found it in an old email, maybe i'll keep it
Emily B Feb 2016
Were I blind to truth
and should I wake
to find men
like trees walking,

I wonder what
miracles of humanity
I might find.

Transfiguration is made
of mud pies
and I am blessed
to see what I had missed.
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