I used to pull the covers over my head
Like that would somehow keep me safe.
When it got to be too much
I grabbed my stuffed bunny and made my way
To my parents bed.
They wouldn't let anything happen to me

Right?

I'm older now.
And instead I open the blinds and sit on my bed
And stare out the window as the lightning strikes
And the brightness of it dances across the darkness of my room and my heart.

When memories of the things that have happened to me
Creep their way back into my mind
Clouding out everything that once was right and happy
When the rain pours out of my eyes and dampens
The stuffed bunny I still have and hold to my face
Pretending like everything is going to be okay
It's nice to have the weather reflect the storm going on inside of me.
Comforting.
Like an old friend,
Or some sort of reason for the emotions I can't explain.

That little girl is no longer afraid.

Bring on the rain.

I long for days I never knew.
Memories as fresh as if they were my own.
But they aren't.
I didn't exist yet.
Reflecting on the days I've filled with memories
feel like nothing more than fairy tales.
Or nightmares.
Depending on the day.
Maybe that's why history and memories blend.
Maybe this explains the odd connection I feel with the past.
Maybe not.
Maybe I'm just crazy.
Blurring the lines of who I used to be
With stories of people I never got to meet.
I forget what's mine.
Forget mine are real.

Life has become bitter sweet.

I had a dream the other night
That I was dead, but still alive
Planning the songs to be sung at my funeral.
I woke up feeling empty
Like I'm missing something
Turns out that something is you.
I hate when I have to say goodbye
That voice in my head asking, "will this be the last time?"
I don't want to waste any moment I have with you.
Please excuse what you don't understand
This is all part of a bigger plan
One day all the facts will fall into place.
What we have now is reality,
We are both alive and breathing
I'll try not to dwell on the days to come
When one is here and one is gone.
Just make the most of the days we have.
No regrets.

Hello
Where did you go?
Is anybody home?
I have nowhere left to go.
Arrows pointing me this way and that
Contradicting themselves.
Directing me right back to where I am.
What was the point of that journey?
I sat right where I was
Picking blades of grass as I sort though
Demons, reasons, dreams, reality
What is me and what is heresy.
Accept what is and move on, right?
Maybe left.
There's nothing left but questions.
And confusion.
Have I lost you yet?
Maybe you'll find me on your way back.
Then again, maybe not.
Vapors don't hang around long.
Every ghost town needs just that.
Allow me to oblige.
For now, I'll just lay here in this grass.
Hum a little tune.
Pick the flower next to me
and watch it die in my hand.
"I once was lost but now I'm found.
Was blind but now I see."

My pen is heavy with words that want to be written.
Fingers aching to guide the ink across the page in hopes my heavy heart may become a little lighter.
No amount of ink could fill enough pages to shake the heaviness that haunts me.
What's this I speak of being haunted?
Surely someone with a smile of sunshine knows nothing of the sort.
There's no way I could know of such darkness.
Right?
Believing this would be your demise.
My entire life is a battle of dark versus light.
Most of these are fought in silence.
Why speak of them?
Not many want to hear a story of such sorrow.
I'll just write instead.
Immortalizing my story to those who care to read it.
Instead of forcing it upon ears that let it fall to the floor.
I refuse to ***** my speech around.
Not anymore.
I run my fingers over the words spilled across this page.
They are as real and alive as I am.
This fight is real.
This pain is real.
And soon the victory will be real.

I broke a promise today.
   Not because I couldn't keep it,
but because I knew I could.

I had nothing left to prove
   And no one to truly care anyway
why, then, should I keep it?

Now I have a secret.
   One no one needs to know
They wouldn't understand anyway.

In a world
Constantly trying
To turn you to stone,

Stay silk.