And truly, it is an unnerving feeling to be both absolutely infuriated and completely, utterly heartbroken.

I've been gone so long
I can barely say
All I know is now I want to stay
Has it been too long since I went away?
Cause I'm trying to find the words but I can barely say

"Love you, see you Monday"

You immediately came back after your response in our emotion-charged talk and told me this.
My immediate reaction upon reading this simple line was to laugh (out of shock and happiness, of course), but it was immediately followed by unforeseen cying - no, *sobbing - because you finally made it crystal clear.
I knew you cared about me.
They've been trying to convince me you don't, but I knew better.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I always saw stars in your eyes, but now.. my God, they're even brighter. They're so much brighter.

Sure, I can say whatever I want behind a phone screen and you'll never know otherwise.
But if you told me to look you in the eyes and sincerely say I didn't love you still, I couldn't do it.

I'm sorry she led me to believe I didn't care about either of you.

Not a single
demand,
expectation,
conjuncture,
influence
will keep me from living for me
and living out the hopes, dreams, and light
that I have suppressed for so long
at the request of others around me.

Shocking, really, how quickly things can change,
largely due to this new burning and gleaming confidence.
I'm like a river - free, flowing, and coursing,
and nothing will ever confine me again.

It will never work out the way I've envisioned for so long.

You've always tried to keep me concealed, as if I was a weapon of sorts.
A weapon that could threaten everything you've built from the ground up.
I've never seen myself as dangerous.
I've never seen myself as needing to be handled with extreme caution, lest you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot.
Why is it that you see me as a loaded gun, love?
I'm not capable of such violence.

You've always been reckless when it came to me.
Why the sudden hesitation?

Your sentences border on senseless
And you are paranoid in every paragraph
How they perceive you

"It's different with her."
Why?
Why am I always a different story?
Why am I always the exception?
It's been three years.
I still don't know.
It's been three years.
I *need to know.
It's been three years.
I'm scared to know.

Once again, I find myself entirely incapable of hate.

Still obsessed with what you lost, eh?
It's funny to think that you claim you aren't.

I will, if only for my own sanity.

How dare you laugh at my faults when you're the epitome of human failure?

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew you shattered my peace of mind.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew you destroyed my self-confidence.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that seeing your face sends a shiver down my spine.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew what we thought about you now.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that you crossed my mind every day.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i was simply trying to avoid change.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i forced myself to feel something.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i used you just like you used me -  but you used me knowingly.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that like you, i was just afraid of being alone.

i wonder what you would say if..
the tables were turned on you.

i wonder what you would say if..
*i said i never loved you.

Everything is about to change.
Whether it's for better or for worse is unknown to me.

You've restored something in me that nobody else has been able to revive.
How do I begin to thank you?

How was I pathetic for loving you?

I can't remember the exact color of your eyes anymore.
I find that frightening.
I feel like I'm missing a vital memory.

Couldn't it?

And sometimes, people aren't.

I hurt, and there's nothing poetic about it.

One gonna hold my memory, another gonna close the door              
One gonna leave me restless, another wanting more

"With all due respect," I continue to say when I know none is deserved.

I miss my family
I miss my family I miss my family I miss my -

I will not change for you.
I understand, I understand, I understand.
You have never once asked me to.
But what you don't understand is that what you want would require me to change.
It would require me to stifle parts of my soul, of who I am to make it work.
I can't silence these pieces of me any longer.
I'm sorry, but I can't make that sacrifice.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, *I'm sorry.

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade - it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart
**'Cause I've got an elastic heart

Will I ever feel like I have a place, a home?
Will I ever be enough?
Will I ever be a constant to somebody?

I think the answer is no, at this rate.
I thought it was starting to work itself out.
I suppose I was wrong.

You are not your pain.
You are not your pain.
You are not your pain.

You are not what happened to you.
You are not what happened to you.
You are not what happened to you.

You are not what they did to you.
You are not what they did to you.
*You are not what they did to you.

Nobody believes it anymore, and those who still do don't know the extent of the damage done.

No, I'm not bitter - I just don't have to stick around and tolerate your selfish stupidity.

Quit selling your soul to the temporary.

You don't get to hurt me and then judge the way I respond.

There is not
one. single. person.
One person that I was close to in the past that is still in my life today.
Not a single person I loved once that still loves me in return.

Get out of my dreams, get out, get out, get out.
I'm not going down this road again.
Please don't do this.

They only hurt you after you hurt them.

I'm trying to find my way but I don't know which way to go.
How many paths do I actually have to choose from?

What the hell did I actually expect?
Right back at square one.

I joke about being lonely all the time, but I don't think anybody gets that it isn't a joke anymore.

I've got this sinking feeling in my chest
and I'm scared nothing ever lasts.

"In a cold and sunshiny haze, I will forget about this."

You were the first to ask.

"Is there anything you're thankful for?"
*"Gradual transitions."