constantly torn
between being here and trying to
make the best of it
and wanting to be 3,781.9 km
closer to her.
constantly torn
between not texting you back
and feeling guilty because
you’re drunk and you miss me.
constantly torn between
what I want to say
and what’s preventing me from
saying it.
constantly torn
between dipping my foot in
the ocean of freedom
and then pulling away when
the tide comes rushing in.
constantly torn between
noticing how much I remind myself
of you while also noticing
that I am nothing like you at all
and not knowing if that is good
or bad.
constantly torn between wanting
you to hold my hand every second
of every day, while also wanting
nothing more to do with you
ever again.
constantly torn between
remembering and forgetting
misplacing and replacing
trying and giving up
I’m just sad because I feel like
the word
enough
shouldn’t even exist.

I have an artificial sun
No moon.
Bright days
Cancerous rays
And cold, dark nights.
Genuine light, a million memories away.
Time to let my sun set,
And let
The inconstant forces of nature change this burnt soul.

It keeps her warm
her mind so weak
Not to know
not to seek

With every bite we eat
we starve one another
Then giving four mans share of food
as to save one brother

Corners cut and people swooned
jumping miles ahead
Who minds what the farmer does
as long as there is bread?

Thus I will hide my blade
and do this for my love
In my pocket and to the grave
No storm left while I dwell above.

It keeps her warm
her mind so weak
Not to know
not to seek.