Why do I stay awake at night, though sleep sits there by my side and bacons to me. Why do I simply stay awake at night, when my bones ache from the wear and tear and only wish for a simple, silent sleep. Can I really tell you why, can I confide within you on this night, will you ears accept what I say, will you mind not fight the ideas I am about to put on display. No, no, no, don’t simply say yes, don’t nod your head because your neighbor does so. Don’t just be a simple sheep this lead by the nose, gripped by those ropes of social acceptance? Every day I hear, I hear the cries of wills thrown down, tossed away simply because it is not cool enough to be yourself. The grating sound of soo many mind cast down, dropped by the way side like some unknown unmentionable. Such that the body can mozy on down to join the herd. To be led to the slaughter. I hear them, screaming within their minds as they realize where they will end up. I hear them clawing and scratching to try to get away, to save themselves on this day. And yet it has become too late, for them to try and change their fate. This is the price, for that chance to cast those die. This is the price you, pay, to go on to play this game. No this is the price I see, but I cannot afford to pay. Sometimes I wish I too could join, be led blissfully to my end, be easy and bend to the currents of the times. Look to see those who are outside me, to know what it is I am to do.
To be cool, heh, to be hip, hop, to let go of the purity of speech and include things my mother would be ashamed to hear me say. To let my clothing follow the will of those whose only goal is to take the cash from my wallet. To go and spend the fruit of my labor on things, to be hedonistic to give in to that mystic force of a fad. I wish to enter into that closed room of everyday drama, to be included in that desperate race to no goal, and to heartbreak. But then I see, the needless effort spent on things that don’t really mean anything. I find that my time and mind have far too much to do, far too much to accomplish in this life time. Of which I will only get one, then that is it, done, finished, banished into the void the great unknown. So I can’t you see, I have a place I need to be. No my friend, I cannot bend, for I have something to send. Oh my dear, I musn’t I fear, I am allergic to beer. Really I can’t, I simply can’t.
My excuses pile up, like a mountain top, I am unable to go out and scream and shout. Have fun as they say, drink my sorrows away. For I fear the heavy lash that comes after being smashed. I wonder is the pleasure so great that it stops the pain that comes after its wake. Is the price of a lung, a brain, a heart worth it just to sit there and say that you are baked. I feel that the stakes are too high, the breaks too painful, the lake too hot for me to even take a simple step. So I remain on the shore, staring longingly.
Whole fully discontent with the lot I have lent myself to. Then I walk back to my bed wrap my hands behind my head, and stay awake wondering why it could be. What I am missing what the sights I should see. And sleep becons to me. But me I cannot let it lead just yet. For my thoughts have no answers met.