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4.2k · Dec 2011
Responsibility
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Pushing me, Wanting me requiring me to be more than I want to be. It just will not leave me be can’t it see that I just don’t want to lead. Grow the seed, that it want to see. I can’t believe that it won’t leave me alone. It won’t condone, always telling me to hold the phone. All the restraint, without a complaint can’t be done, this battle will not be won. But I must, always resist the lust of that bust, resist the gust
of temptation, in my relations. In my conversations, on all occasions or be punished, banished, to this outlandish request.  I feel possessed, oppressed who would have guessed, that I would have to do the best. All the time, expected never to whine, when no rest I can find. I hurt and am pained, drained from all this restraint. I want to let loose, get my golden egg laying goose. Not be hung by the noose of responsibility. Constantly dictating what I must be doing no fooling allowed, my head must be bowed.
I grow tiered, just let me go I don’t wish to be admired I just want some rest, and peace of mind.
1.6k · May 2012
Frustrated
Elvis okumu May 2012
I feel as if, the world conspires against me. Wondering day by day just how it is going to get in my way. Gone it seems has the flavor that colored my actions with interest. Left only with the barest of actions that inspire the desire and thirst for life. I feel as if I labor in vain like Sisyphus cursed to push my ambitions up the hill of my toil just to have them rolled back to where I began. I grow weary of this existence, tire easily at this fate. My mind finds an escape to wonder blissfully of paths never taken of how good life could have easily been. And so I begin to question my self as I sit alone on this abysmal shelf with nothing more than my thoughts to keep me company. What is the point of this seemingly pointless journey.  Why do I toil like a simple servant advancing the goals of others while mine own sit there neglected. It is a question that I on many a occasion have reflected, as I stood time and time again bereft of any goal or ideal. Is it merely character that is being built, others will tell me that I build morals that will serve me in my future. Still others commend me for the sacrifice I show, and for a time I grow content with that. But in the end I find that I have not moved, have not progressed in anyway that I can see. So I go on to deep myself worthless, and my mind and body dull from their lack of use. I have ambition more than I can handle. What I seem to continually lack is the resource then the resolve to see it to completion. I see the ones who have climbed to the heavens to dine with God himself and I ask myself. What do I miss? What don't I know? What has escaped me such that I cannot seem to soar higher than this meager place. And yet an answer does not show it's self to me. And so I stay and ponder these things. Where the answer will come I do not know. Where I will go, I have nothing but the question mark as an answer to show. But somehow I know that someday I shall move past this blocked way. And there lies the hope I hold closely that in the end my work and my toil will not be wasted. Not be put under the tag of useless. I hold that hope and that is the way I continue to press my way through this world.
1.4k · Dec 2011
Arrogant judgement
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
It wasn't good enough you need to improve
you need to remove all this stuff and make it a new
you need to please me, and make me happy
what I say goes no matter how sappy

I hear these words and down goes my mood
I grudgingly go to work and there do I brood
I wish for evil things to befall the one who told me
That all the work I put in the use they couldn't see

I spent my time, and  put in all my  effort
I worked hard yet you treat it like dirt
I can't stand that, the feelings  I get
when I hand you my work and it you reject

You may not see it, feel it or ever know
but against me you have given a grievous blow
you have attacked me in a way you cannot see
you have gone after my identity

For by telling me that my work was no good
is telling me the time I spent was useless and crude
I went through the trouble of trying to impress  
and me you see as nothing but someone useless

so go on and enjoy your power
for soon it will go sour
and as you fall into despair
I will be waiting for you there
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
The whole thought of it makes me think,
That I’m falling down something.
Something worse than my leg aches.
Or the headaches I get from the aspirin I take.
A kind of sickness of the spirit,
A crack or the mind,
Or a disfiguring leprosy of the soul.
You tell me I should think and remember back.
But that is because you can't imagine.
The perfect agony of being seven.
The horrible complexity introduced by eight .
But I can sit here and remember every painful digit.
At nine I was the unwanted orphan,
I wished I could turn invisible.
When my head was dunked in a certain way.
At ten a prisoner, at eleven a wretch.
But now I am mostly at my cars window .
Watching the early mourning light.
Back then it never rose so beautifully.
Against the side of my car door.
back then it never seemed to illuminate the world so gloriously.
And my for head never leaned against the window.
As it does now.

As I play my harmonica all the dark blue sadness draining out through it.
The melodies giving me peace in a conflicted mind
The notes freeing me from the bonds of oppression that weighed me down.
This is the beginning of freedom I say to my self.
As I walk through the world in my small boots.
I try to be the man I was destined to be.
The man who I should be.
It seems only a short while ago I used to believe.

There was nothing worth while under my skin,
If you cut me no one would care as I would bleed
But now my worth is not determined by others but by me.
1.2k · Mar 2012
Your name in the sand
Elvis okumu Mar 2012
I wrote your name in the sand and drew a heart around it.  
In the warm sunlight  on the beach I was as high as a kite as I watched seagulls take flight.  
I could have written you a love song, started a band.
Nothing was impossible as long as I could hold your hand.
It was bliss, yes that bliss that warm your belly bliss.
That feeling happy glittery bliss, that consistently from the rock of my subconscious hissed.
Pleased,  at the sweet morsel of love it thought to have caught in its den.
Oh it was good, oh so good. But then so are lolly pops, lemon and dew drops.
Freshly harvested crops, and even the lowly mops when it is new of course.
Is beauty cursed to be ephemeral? Stuck with the surreal notion that it must end, and quickly so.  
Because what I had was beautiful, precious, I would have given anything to keep it.  
There is not a day when I don’t go back to relive it.  
A shadow of a wisp but somehow I manage to see it.
Outlined, around the scar that it’s absence left behind.
A signature of pain expertly signed, on an intent of separation from that feeling.  
Close your eyes real tight, now imagine what it’s like to lose your light.
Not really the kind of light that people fight for.
No that little bit of light within, shhh listen, it lives in held breaths and withheld whispers.  
It colors your life and makes it crisper, it seeps into the cracks and adds flavor.
Yeah that light, the light that inspires love songs, ballads of loss that people drone on and on about.
That loss is enough to drive a sane man mad, running and screaming.  
Shout to let it all out, that loss of color, in one’s life.  
Oh but I will get over it. Right after all that is what well-adjusted people do. Get over it.  
But something binds me. Hovering ever so slightly over this inglorious sea of misery.
Why because I can think of all the possibility. That energy of a rock ready to fall over the edge, seemingly wasted when it rolled back onto the ledge.
I quickly run over to the edge and look over that ledge at the long distance down. Far below the ground, what lies there.
I will never find out because the rock of our love couldn’t make it over the ledge of about.
Almost becomes a hated word, ostracized from my vocabulary.  
It’s the possibility that kills me over and over again.  
A knife dug deep in me when I think about what could have been.
Now I sit at that beach, and write your name once again in the sand.
Then slowly the tide brings cool water to my hand.  
And I watch as your name disappears and disbands.  
The seagull of my hope and love flies away unsure where it is to land.
And I slowly turn to walk away simply tiered of trying to stand to watch and wait to see where it will go to land.
1.0k · Dec 2011
Into the maw
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
And into the maw must I enter, and into the heart must I attack, with no guide and to me no mentor. The beast must I destroy it to pieces must I hack. A terrible fear grows within me an uncertainty fills me with anxiety, as a terrible rumble escapes the beasts serrated maw. It awakens with me in its vision it's hunger angry and raw. From my side I grip my trusted sword, from my back I grip my beaten shield.  I take my stance for I must go to war against the beast violence must I wield. It turns and with a heavy hand it swings my body it intends to pin down and crush. I manage to duck  the blow I manage to dodge and quickly land anger and fierce savagery within me rush.to the air I leap and take up my sword and it do I raise a battle cry I utter. The beast threatened opens it's maw it's teeth sharp like daggers.And so the battle begins the end of which I have yet to see. It is one for me that I must fight daily it is one that to it have I repeatedly been. The beast wishes my goals and my dreams to wither and die, never expressed or seen. But I wish to see them free to see them grow to see them reached. For this reason grudgingly do I go and pull out my blade. And into the maw must I enter.
925 · Dec 2013
Along the road
Elvis okumu Dec 2013
Upon the beaten path I walked
and though I tired still I walked  
upon a glittering stone I came
and I stopped in my palm It lay
upon my gaze It shone
but in my heart reach it did not
upon the beaten path it fell
and still on I walked

upon a young woman I came
her eyes, upon me, she looked
a flutter Within I felt
and in my arms I wished she lay
But upon my heavy tongue my words stopped
and upon me ceased look did she
so upon the beaten path I walked
my tears slowly following me

tired a grew of this beaten path i knew
upon my tired frame exhaustion came
and down I went to Sit
Upon my beating heart relief came
and with it a wash my memory came
Of a time where on this  long road I did not walk
and upon my relaxed heart came grief
brief my rest was and up I stood
and upon my beaten path I walked
my past barely understood


upon an old well I came
Parched my throat had become
so away from my beaten path I strayed  
my journey temporarily delayed

upon the water did the light shimmer beside lay a  bucket
upon it I wished to drink so down the bucket want to sink
up it came with satisfactions wink
upon my lips did I drink
and upon my mind was I releaved
But upon the bottom lay a snake
Its  poison within the water  it slyly  lay
upon the road did I go
blissful in what I did not know

upon my eyes the darkness came
sluggish my legs began  to feel
  and upon my mind worry came
as upon  the path my body fell
Rasping came my breath  labored came my air
But upon  the ground i began to see
all that had been around me
upon the scenery came beauty
And upon my heart did it reach

upon the road had I stayed when all around me I could have played
upon the second when the reaper called
I cursed not the path  I took
for upon   the  moment of my death
at last I came to my peace
upon the goal of the path did I clearly see
For without the beaten path beauty waiting in the scenery would I have missed entirely
796 · Dec 2011
You went and did it again
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
You went and did it, with but one touch you made my wild beating heart stop and sit. With but one look you changed the tempo, to the music of your words that I now play limbo to. What is a man to do, for with a single glance, you have made reason simply prance right out of mind. Made the grip of my rational mind unwind made the upstanding controlled young man unravel and in time you have brought me to a strange new land. In all of this I simply can’t understand can’t justify, vilify can’t demand that you take me back to my simple known land. For now it seems empty, desolate, a waste, you have unknowingly become my mate, my autumn my spring, a song so sweet solemn sacred in a reason only my own. You have staged a conquest and it seems that without rest you plan to place me under undue duress and you unknowingly seek posses the essence that is me. Can’t you see what it is that you do to me, you steal my thoughts with but a single sensual sway of your hips. You captivate my heart with but a single motion of your lips. How I count the ways, and the days that slowly pass as I observe you and berate myself on the lack of class of my actions. You have split my mind into factions, started wars within my heart put need into all of my interactions with my mind and soul. Turned me into a mushy bowl of bleeding emotion such that I now walk with caution careful not awake the slumbering soft bear of emotion that replaced   my valiant dragon.  
How is it that you hold this much power over me, making the only future that I wish to see one in which you will be with me. As I lay in my chair, my will does not fare well against the torrent of thoughts of that tie my mind mercilessly into knots. So beaten and defeated, divided I slump lower into a world so one sided.  I see a place by the sea, you seated in a chair me down on one knee grasping onto your hand and loving this moment more than my next breath. I look to see your eyes and the world slows, time nothing more than a meaningless word. I struggle valiantly to find the right words to keep this magic spell going. To keep the waterfall of emotion flowing, all the while knowing that any words I say will be inadequate to display the jewel that now lays softly in the folds of my own being. But if the words do come, and they pass the rigorous test of my lump of a tongue this is what I would say:
I ache day after day
Night after night  
For an answer do I pray
A losing battle do I fight

The dawn of the day
The soothing balm to my pain
The name that I say
The place where my heart is detained  

I have been bested
I have completely  lost
This eagle has finally nested
For you were worth the cost.  

For you I would slay monsters
For you I would conquer worlds
For you I would pay the cost of
Any precious jewel or pearl
For this I only ask that  
You simply return the feeling
For I know for a fact that
In you do I find all my meaning

I open my eyes to stare up at the cool white ceiling, clinging to feeling in that made up memory. I feel hot uncomfortable in my own skin, Twisting and turning I find no comfort in any way that I choose to lean. I wonder how and why this has occurred to me, I feel lost cast into the unyielding sea. Slowly like a haggard man stuck with weakness down with a sickness I stand and move to an open window looking out and breathing in the cool air. It only takes a scent, familiar easy like the falling of leaves, and again my mind is awash with thoughts too loud to ignore.  

I decide that I can’t take this anymore, I can’t live like this even if it costs me my pride I must seek you out  and in you will I have to confide.  Determined I walk out and move mission in mind, determined to find you. I turn the corner and there you stand, and again in my throat does my heart land. I walk forward and open my mouth to speak and you look over and softly brush my skin. And again you go and do it with but one touch you make me stop and sit. with but one glance you change the tempo the rhythm of the beating of my heart.
789 · Feb 2012
8 minutes.
Elvis okumu Feb 2012
8 minutes they say, minutes before we would know, 8 minutes of blissful ignorance 8 minutes with that wonderful glow.  The warmth and light still there with us, even if the source had already run low, gone out given up the fight. It would be the same way I never heard the crack, never saw the act that would break me. Never saw the thoughts, would it be different if I did see. All the while my 8 minutes ticked, I was unaware in blissful agony. Walking on with my life as if things were the way they were supposed to be. I knew not that I strolled to the headsman’s axe, that just around the corner lying in wait would be the bait that would reel me in. On to dooms fisherman to be stabbed  and laid to rest to be devoured by sorrows lips with some nice fish dip. No I was unaware, I wasn’t scared, I held a false belief which for but 8 minutes I thought was true. Like the sun I felt the warmth, saw the light, within this knowledge I took some pride. Not noting the ever small change, that the end of my rope approached, and I ever wittingly encroached upon my own dismay.

That is why it hurt so much, why the fear the panic took such a strong hold. For on false confidence I had become bold. The glass I stood on broke and it was the end of my world. Floating, as darkness hugghed my eyes, pressing them down like a forced lover, my ears only hearing the thundering rhythm of my failing heart. My skin tingling with pin ****** from a thousand kisses or a thousand licks from a cat named fear. Off balance and falling, falling down to the bowels of despair swallowed whole by betrayal. But even as I fell my mind went back out of my hell, into those sweet glorious 8 minutes where I was free. Where I could be who I wanted to be, go where I wanted to go. I lived a lie, a falsehood, an over drawn good bye. And yet did it matter I was happy, filled with glee, hopping and skipping as joyous as could be. And in the penultimate moment I begin to think and see. Is it better to live a lie let everything go as you wish it to be. Or know the cold cutting truth, bleed with the knowledge, know and rue the day you were born. Is reality truly better than fantasy is does the moment we live in matter if it is made up. And yet In my final moments of clarity I see so many others falling with me. Yet then I note that they smile before they are smote. Even if it is for a little while they continue to in ignorance smile. Unable to change their fate, for it has become far too late. They choose to live in their 8 minutes. Choose to make out their own seconds. And that I realize isn’t as bad as it could be.
766 · Jan 2014
And yet I feel
Elvis okumu Jan 2014
Time like a river has past.
Like an ocean, it  has accumulated.  
I, a captain,  of land have I seen of last.
To the edges of oblivion have I, myself relegated.

Of the thousand steps have I walked.
Of this earth have I wandered.
Of solitude have I carefully stalked.
Of you I have dared not pondered.  

So long in this desert, so long in this desolation.
So long have I felt not a motion nor a spur.  
To the frost bitten isles, to the coldest snows, of warmth I have no relation
My skin has hardened of its shell my heart will not be lured.

And yet when I stop.
When my corded muscle ceases in its motion.
And in a hardened mind a sprinkle of doubt.  
And weary eyes turn to look back and thus begins my erosion.  

For there is no solace in this distance.  
No comfort in this silence.
The emotion, my every action withstands.  
Of all my efforts of violence.

I feel, and therefore I am undone.
I feel and my strength and will slayed, fall  down
I feel and time reverts and it feels like it did when it all begun
I feel and my through my bedrock erupts anguishes sound.  

I remember a face laced in roses.
Like a dream I am carried back into your arms.
And around me comfort closes
And again I am besotted with your charms  

I remember it all and that is the source of my madness.  
Of a loss of ones mind, not of reason, but of emotion.  
To be left barren, in pain constantly empty and  loveless.  
Of our union I gained something that merrited my devotion.

And at its loss, my mind broke at the eight of its cost.
And so I turn away from the warmth of memory.
I toss myself into the fire and the storm of loss.
I grind myself against life's emery.  

"Destroy me" I cry.  
"For I cannot bare this cruelty you have visited upon me."
But I only become harder in body and in soul not matter how hard I try.
Of the end as I walk I cannot see.
Out of this darkness I cannot find my light.
Elvis okumu Mar 2012
Why do I stay awake at night, though sleep sits there by my side and bacons to me. Why do I simply stay awake at night, when my bones ache from the wear and tear and only wish for a simple, silent sleep. Can I really tell you why, can I confide within you on this night, will you ears accept what I say, will you mind not fight the ideas I am about to put on display. No, no, no, don’t simply say yes, don’t nod your head because your neighbor does so. Don’t just be a simple sheep this lead by the nose, gripped by those ropes of social acceptance? Every day I hear, I hear the cries of wills thrown down, tossed away  simply because it is not cool enough to be yourself.  The grating sound of soo many mind cast down, dropped by the way side like some unknown unmentionable. Such that the body can mozy on down to join the herd. To be led to the slaughter. I hear them, screaming within their minds as they realize where they will end up. I hear them clawing and scratching to try to get away, to save themselves on this day. And yet it has become too late, for them to try and change their fate. This is the price, for that chance to cast those die. This is the price you, pay, to go on to play this game. No this is the price I see, but I cannot afford to pay.  Sometimes I wish I too could join, be led blissfully to my end, be easy and bend to the currents of the times. Look to see those who are outside me, to know what it is I am to do.

To be cool, heh, to be hip, hop, to let go of the purity of speech and include things my mother would be ashamed to hear me say. To let my clothing follow the will of those whose only goal is to take the cash from my wallet. To go and spend the fruit of my labor on things, to be hedonistic to give in to that mystic force of a fad. I wish to enter into that closed room of everyday drama, to be included in that desperate race to no goal, and to heartbreak. But then I see, the needless effort spent on things that don’t really mean anything. I find that my time and mind have far too much to do, far too much to accomplish in this life time. Of which I will only get one, then that is it, done, finished, banished into the void the great unknown. So I can’t you see, I have a place I need to be. No my friend, I cannot bend, for I have something to send. Oh my dear, I musn’t I fear, I am allergic to beer. Really I can’t, I simply can’t.
My excuses pile up, like a mountain top, I am unable to go out and scream and shout. Have fun as they say, drink my sorrows away. For I fear the heavy lash that comes after being smashed. I wonder is the pleasure so great that it stops the pain that comes after its wake.  Is the price of a lung, a brain, a heart worth it just to sit there and say that you are baked. I feel that the stakes are too high, the breaks too painful, the lake too hot for me to even take a simple step. So I remain on the shore, staring longingly.
Whole fully discontent with the lot I have lent myself to.  Then I walk back to my bed wrap my hands behind my head, and stay awake wondering why it could be. What I am missing what the sights I should see. And sleep becons to me. But me I cannot let it lead just yet. For my thoughts have no answers met.
742 · Mar 2012
Just sit there and stew
Elvis okumu Mar 2012
Sit there and brood, think about how shrewed I have been to you. No, paint a target on my back, and comment on how many manners I lack. Better yet sit there in silence and let your anger boil, and plot how it is you will foil me when the time comes. Then stay there an smile, and hang out with me for a little while. Tell me nothing is wrong, and we shall sing a merry song together. Stay there and lie to me that truly there is nothing eating you up inside. Am I to read your mind, Am I to somehow chisel my way into your brain, and somehow know exactly what I am to say. Am I to valiantly throw my self down on my knees and beg you over and over again with a deep, sorrowful heart felt please. What is it that I did again. How is it that I wronged you? How long have you longed for my demise. And Yet you will not tell me why. So you keep the blame, you take offense to my unknown shame, you act as if nothing has changed and every single thing has but stayed the same. You can’t talk, can’t use the words that now curse me to tell me what I missed to see. No you stay where you are, and brood, because I never understood what I did wrong. No you stay there and never change, because of the lack of range in your emotion or thought won’t let you let go of that blame you you hold closely to your heart. No you stay silent as night, and have the fight within that mind of yours  with the thoughts that like festering sores drive you to insanity.  

Tell the world excluding me of course of my apparent lack of remorse. Spin wild tales of a multitude of epic fails that I somehow managed to accomplish. Go ahead and go to derail my integrity in front of everyone else but me, simply because you feel slighted that I decided to do something that had nothing to do with you. Yes because the world revolves around you. You are the sun and everyone else is but a *** that is worth no more than to cater to your interests. Forgive me if I fail to see this in your way. If I have wronged you I would feel no shame to say that I am sorry. It would cause me no worry to come and apologize to you for what I ever I did to wrong you. But in the end I begin to wonder if that is what you really want. Or is it simply that you have misplace issues and have misused your emotion on me. Is it that there is something deeper a little reaper on your soul that you like a creeper seem to want to avoid. Seek the meaning to your anger, don’t take it out on me. I don’t live my life going out of my way to harm anybody. So why do you do this harm to me? Why is it my demise you wish to see?
742 · Dec 2013
Hate
Elvis okumu Dec 2013
I don’t want to hate you
Despise you, place you
Down there in the back of my mind
A dark and brooding place where no one but me will find
You, I don’t want to hate you
I don’t want to blame you  
As the reason I have taken sadness as my lover  
I don’t want to lay awake at night
Wishing evil to befall you
I don’t want stay awake at night
Having to constantly fight this feeling
I don’t want to hate your being
I don’t want to be confused  
Wondering what drove you to abuse
The love I had for you
I don’t want to go again
To that dark foreboding plane
Where a horned being asked me what he can do
For me, I don’t want to even take a moment to consider
To let hatred be my Hearts leader  
And yet as I sit here  
I feel it boiling, slowly soiling my soul
Painting it black, turning into a black hole
*******, taking devouring me whole
It eats me, taking away my bliss from me
And so I am left alone
To again trek across this sea of emotion
Knowing that somewhere within the water’s
A monster lurks just waiting for me to slip  
A single moment a like a whip
Coiled and ready it will nip me
And take me, I don’t want to hate you  
In the end you we all must do what we have to  
But I can never again love you.
711 · Feb 2012
A cure to loves ache
Elvis okumu Feb 2012
I ache and I ache without a break I ache
Enough, enough it is more than I can take
An antidote,  a cure this is what I need
For from this ******* I endure  I need to be freed

And yet and yet the rope that holds me
The voice the siren  the false hope I hear on this sea
Pulls back, tugs back down it holds me
I don’t, I don’t understand my misery  

And yet I know where I need to go
And yet my progress drags on moving so slow
Why oh why must you be my anchor
Why, from land do you keep this sailor?

Spurned out, cast out I left in dishonor  
A heart cut down, I was left to morn her
And so I tried and tried to go and leave here
To escape, to be free from this pain that me sears  

And yet I try but that step I don’t take
For when I do leave, and pull out this hurtful stake
A black a dark sound my soul will make
For it remembers the sun, the warmth,  the love it was forced to forsake.
708 · Feb 2012
I watched you...
Elvis okumu Feb 2012
I saw you walk in fall
With golden leaves lining your aisle
It was then that my heart slowly stalled
Then when the inch turned to the mile  

I watched you sit in winter  
As snowflakes kissed your cheeks
As cupids hand so sinister  
Squeezed my heart till love leaked

I saw you play in spring  
In between the lush green branches
It was then that my heart took wing  
And we two became perfect matches

I held you in the summer
Your warmth brighter than the sun
Upon my heart you became a drummer
Loves deed finally done  


I lost you in the rain
To whom I did not know
To this day I still feel the pain
As from my heart my love for you still flows.
674 · Aug 2010
Following me
Elvis okumu Aug 2010
The suns rays fall softly from the heavens
To the cooled earth
Shining dew drops like diamonds
Turning the world into a jewelry shop


I stand at a far end
Staring at it in awe
At the serenity and silence
That eclipses my mind

It is here where my cares and desires
Where the flame is sated and tired
Where the heart blissfully sleeps
While the mind thoughtfully sits

If I could stay and sleep
I would stay at peace
However like a hunter life creeps
And eventually I will leave my bliss
Copyright Elvis Okumu
652 · Nov 2012
The progress of my art.
Elvis okumu Nov 2012
Is it that my hands are too slow or my mind too fast. Is it that my ambitions are too high or my progress too slow. Words seem to fail me in this my time of need. As the only emotion I feel throbbing in my mind is that of frustration.  Like a painful sore my abilities do not meet my expectations, I become afraid of the pencil and my art has become my prison and punishment.  It is like a whip upon my back, an insult against my person. Every pencil etch becomes a scream of inexperience,  every drawing becomes a draining endeavor of self-mutilation.  I will the lines and figures to take their proper places, but like inexperienced children they dance and jeer and jump mercilessly on my fears that I am inadequate. To whom should I measure myself to, for those above me seem to sour like eagles. They fly seemingly free from the ropes of doubt that snake around the throat of my art. Those below me are untouchable as if merely by looking at them I am drawn down to the muck and mud of mediocrity. Perhaps I think too highly of myself, but this talent I have is a curse upon my person. Oh how I wish that some days I had never picked up such a cursed pencil and put a line upon the paper. Like a child wailing in the middle of the night I begin to regret this arts conception.  Like a wife turned into a shrill banshee I regret my marriage to this art form. Why I ask my cruel mistress. Why do you expect so much of me. Why is every line I put down on the page not good enough for you. Why do my shapes and figures not appease you critical eye. Why do you dive that blade of criticism deeply into my side, and painfully twist  until you make sure that I have died.  

Is this the process. Am I to simply endure until a morning comes where you will lovingly embrace me and hold me until the pain of the years of torment subside? How do you expect me to love you?
When you tantalize me with the potential you see within me. How do you expect me to reach for you my art, when you pull yourself ever the farther away? What reason do I have to put a pencil to paper?  
Oh this perpetual agony I suffer, this intense need I feel, this addiction of creation I need to fulfill.  You call to me, you tug at my very soul you are a craving that lives far deeper in me than anything I have ever felt before. I must rise to the call I must seek out the pencil like a man racked with thirst must then seek out water. I cannot allow my ambition to die. I will not wear the widow’s robes, or the mourners color. But how am I to rise when the very earth around me slips beneath my touch. My arms grow weary from this fight and my mind is tiered of this question.

Are my hands too slow for my mind? Are ambitions too big for my ability? And if I do truly posses the tools and my talent isn't stale then how am I to progress. How am I to grow?  I am a flower overcast by the shadow of doubt yearning for the sun.
640 · Feb 2014
Could have been.
Elvis okumu Feb 2014
It's like a whisper in the ear
I fear it is there and then gone
Appearing in the edge of the eye
The  whole what could have been song.

I ran and then stumbled
I tried and then bumbled
And in that failure I wished that i could
That I would have done as I should.

I wish that I had known
And from that knowlege boldness had grown
That early seed I could have then sown
For in hindsight now my failure I bemoan.

For the opportunity now has come and passed.
And no matter how I wish it would only last.
I am left aching for another chance
But it is to the empty air I feebly grasp.  

The glory of the bygone
The chance of the days past
Is the cloak of shame that I cannot cast
The ache that I can never satiate
Of the feeling that I was too late.
630 · Dec 2011
Grief cast on to me
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Like a colossal building giving way
Bending breaking as from side to side it starts to sway
Shards of glass raining down
As an unrelenting  storm pounds the ground
A king deposed of his crown
Your words make this unbearable sound  

I stand unable to breathe  
as the words you uttered have broken me  
I stumble unable to bear the burden
I fall slowly to my knees
The world fades to an icy black  

The numbness seems to spread from my being
The light seems to dim from my eyes
I simply look without seeing
As my beliefs are have now turned to lies

Color fades from this earth
Sensation ceases on this land  
Gone from my spirit has the mirth
You have caused a deviation from the plan

How begs the question, why demands  the plea  
Wasn’t I the one you said I was supposed to be
A pain like none I have ever felt
The core of my being you begins melt  
Weakness takes over me
I hate the way you get see my vulnerability  
I hate the way you will now know
My hearts ebb and flow
I hate the way I let you see
The deepest part of me

For with less words than it took to take a breath
You have sentenced my heart to a painful death
With but a simple caress
You have cast my mind to unyielding duress
And the part that really gets to me
In my heart it is you I will always see
It was interesting, was watching Closer I think and it got to that part of betrayal.  Suddely got the itch to write and this was the product... Experimenting with imagery melding visual with the feeling. Rhyme vs no rhyme ab verses aa bb.
591 · Dec 2011
Nothing but a memory
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Reflected in the still waters
on the pond with many memories
is the form of the scarlet rose
shimmering glittering with beauty

Reaching out a tired hand
for a thirsty heart
feeling the ripples as my hand
breaks the silence of the illusion

nothing is there but a reflection
shimmering and glittering at my despair
a soft scent a voice like chiming bells
play on my senses mercilessly
as engraved in my heart lies the thorny stem

Blood trickles down my chest
from a would that will not close
a wound I unknowingly hold open
to a bleeding heart

to continue to live is to die
and  in death lies an escape
but that would extinguish my light
and it is not the path I choose to take.

Sitting there unfeeling
not even the dove that flies free
dares to come and comfort me.
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
I seek yet I do not find, I fly ever closer and yet my goal is ever farther
I feel a need, an anxiety an urge that is insatiable
I taste perfection yet I do not drink from it
I achieve yet it is never enough
Where is it that I wish to go
I sit and look at the constellations the stars grin an wink at me
They pity me, so free yet unaware of my freedom
I might as well be chained for all I know
Held against my subconscious will  
This feeling is uncomfortable
Incomplete
Needy, I try to fill the hole with things
At times I forget it’s there
549 · Feb 2014
My labors fruit
Elvis okumu Feb 2014
Long do I labor
My back turned to the hot bearing sun.
Long do toil
Until my hardened hands crack and blood begins to run.
And in my labor, my heart turns red with the fires of anger.
At the pointless task set before me.
Why, I question do I place myself in such danger.
When it is all plain to see
That my actions do little to sustain me.
My body though young grows weary of these bleary days.
And my youth drains from me as color from a cloth.
I am left weaker at days end than when I started
And I obtain no recompence To cover the cost of all that I have departed
The weight grows greater by the day
And I fear I grow weaker for the effort.  

And yet at the time of my departure
When i lay down my toils pick
When I go back to the shack of a home
That i wearily built.
And I open the creaking door to a warm lit home.
And inside I realize that I am not alone.
For within the darkness eyes look back upon me
Small delicate hands reach out to embrace my leg
Happy for my presence, for the comfort that I endure to provide

Let it never be said that my heart were made of stone.
For even I in my loss, in my pain, I go to eagerly divide
What little my toils have to offer, what little the world sees fit to condone.
And when I see the smile they all give
That another day, by my effort they may all live.
I try not to weep, for they thought crosses my mind
That if I were to fall to jealosies grip
What wall would stand firm against he horrors of mankind.

What piller would hold the ceiling above them.
What furnace would give them warmth.
What sword and sheild would protect them from evils men
I am undone by my title
Weakened by my bonds
But for them, my pourpose stays vital
And for them do I treck on the toilers grounds
I will bleed so they will not need to
I will fall such that they may rise
And when it is all said and done and I am called on to
Let it not be not be said that my cross I did not bare.
Let it not be said that my dependants  I did not prize
548 · Dec 2011
The lost
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
At times I sit, and think of things lost and gone
After everything has calmed down,  
Everything that has been said and done
I see them all hovering by my head ghosts of things lost
I see them hovering away from my grasping fingers
I feel their heavy cost

Love so sweet kisses stolen in secret
Lost so quickly a heart broken laid down in defeat  
Hope so bright, light shining through the darkest night
Crushed cruelly snuffed out, a child’s broken kite
Trust given freely, at last the shield was laid down
Tossed into the sea of misery, left to down
Dreams flying free as strong as can be
Shot down by a jealous cannon to  fulfill the envious need  

I sit and I watch, I remember and my heart I clutch
A tear falls from my eye, as I remember all the lies
But then I rise, I move to watch the sunrise
The past is dead and I have paid my price  
I stand and I welcome the sunrise.
544 · Dec 2011
Rise of the broken
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Take heart ye of broken wills and minds  
Take courage ye of fearful reluctance  
Take heed ye with the lack of wisdom
For it is not those that are above thee that triumph
It is not those who crush thee that live with victory
It is not them who know not a day’s labor that earn the favor
Nay verily I say to thee it is you who will inherit the riches
You who will walk with kings
You who will earn that favor
You who will fly on eagles wings
For you have paid your penitence
You have performed the deed
You who suffered the fire
You who the world admired
For your works are soaked with your determination
Your will strengthened by your trials
Do not look up and think that the skies will not accept thee
Do not look to the ground and think of the chains that bind thee
Aspire to climb the tallest mountain posed to thee
Aspire to mind the richest mine  
For I tell thee in secret and in truth  
It is not them that have their wealth handed  
But you who has his wealth earned
Who will live and prosper as they crash and burn
As the lessons you learn while thy face in the mud
Will be the lessons that keep thy ship afloat  
Thy mind from envious greed
They soul pure and untainted
As you receive thy reward so long awaited.
537 · Feb 2012
Tossed
Elvis okumu Feb 2012
I feel all at once thrown up, as the ball in a child's game, thrown from hand to hand in the glee of the players. And yet as the ball I feel the anxiety of the initial launch, the growing dread of the acceleration. The pungent fear of the plummet. The growing anger at my mistreatment before the toss begins again.  I feel all at once caught between the rock of my  need and the hard place of my desire. Each squeezing me ever tighter, pressing me ever more, forcing me ever deeper. Forced to at a multitude of times be pushed past the line of determination I have drawn in the sand. To walk and trip over the words that like my laces I had thought tied and secure. I feel all at once thrown off balance, within the free fall of resending my words my resolve and lamenting my decision after the deed is done and my goal like my body crashes into the ground. I ask myself where is this to end, am I to forever bend to the force of nature, unstoppable as a hurricane sweeping away all my mental strength. Am I to only be a leaf to my emotions, reactions, blown away from the safety of my branch. Left to drift aimlessly till the wind decides to set me down to lay in an insignificant pile. Have I not a single fiber in my being capable of drawing forth anger like a geyser to stretch out from the depths of my heart and rebel. Or am I simply a ball tossed between whichever two forces that decide to use me as their play thing. Tossing me with out any regard for the safety of my mind. Oh peace I ask from where will you come, for I need you now.
528 · Dec 2011
Human acceptance
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
We all seek it
Wanting desiring to feel it’s embrace
We all need it
Twisting agonizing to present our case

Yet it seems to enjoy our failure
Keeping right out of reach
This seems to be it’s favorite nature
a lesson it loves to teach

when we win in a way we lose
like a game with no goal
but this path we will always choose
as dictated by popular poll

as much as we **** and plan
trying to figure a way in
we will always have to stand and fan
it so we can get in
523 · Dec 2011
These words
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
These words are inadequate.
I am dissatisfied for to me they do not relate.
They are ordered and filled with rules
And restrict my minds precious jewel
Its beauty cannot be described,
By the lies these words try to tell
The fake feelings these words try to sell
The disordered way together they weld
For what is within has no place to begin
No place to end no rules to follow nor money to spend
Like a sea it flow, through windows and out of doors
In the sea of nonsense, past sanity stable floors
What I feel cannot be described
Written, on a page placed
It demands that I express, give it no less
Than that to which it deserves
I feel constricted boxed in
Never allowed to let in
That sweet sunshine, that spot light
To the thing that lives within
I wish to give in to this ebb and flow  
Not to think but just to know
Where to go what to say
And yet I am dissatisfied by this my expression
For these words are inadequate  
And cannot relate to me
Cannot stand as evidence in my debate
With the sea inside me
For they are order instead of flow
Ruled instead of free
The jewel will not see will, not be admired
For without the stage it is forever in a dark unlit cage
508 · Dec 2011
I would love thee still
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
If you were a flower, withered grey and broken
I would love thee still
If you had nothing to your name, naked, unkempt without a token  
I would love thee still
If you an old desk, left to decay in the attic undusted  
I would love thee still
If you were a car, small and rusted with wheels broken and busted,  
I would love thee still
For it is what is within that I have seen
And it is there that I find beauty without equal, so strong and fare.
There where I see  a polished gem worthy of praise.  
A person with whom for comfort, near,  do I lay
For within you lies something more  
More glorious and intricate than any musical score
It is this part of you that I adore
504 · Dec 2011
The bitter sting
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Sometimes it feels as if you’re a world away
Sometimes it feels as if you have abandoned me this day
Sometimes it feels as if I don’t exsit to you
Sometimes you  leave me with nothing to do
Now what do you want from me
I’ve given you everything that I once held dear to me
You gone and ****** me dry leaving a husk where a man used to be
You’ve gone and left me to fry
In my agony and pain under the beating of the cane of betrayal
So now I ask you why the promises
Now why the all the kisses
Now I ask you why you went and did this  
While in my heart it Is you I miss
I cannot know what brought you to this
For here I stand and here I bleed
I look and feel this raging need
But I turn and I begin to walk
For there is nothing more to be said no more to talk
You were not the one I sought
Though you are the one I want
But as I said I must now go
Where I end up not even I know.
501 · Mar 2012
I was placed
Elvis okumu Mar 2012
Troubles  waters outside do brew
Crash against the shore of my mind,  
In this time of duress when all I wish to do is sleep and rest
To close my eyes and escape for but a moment to the world of my dream
Set free from the constraints that in this world it seems
To live thrive on driving me out of my well placed seams
Oh to escape from this distressful time
Where I am pressed and uncomfortable a criminal for an unknown crime
I just want for once to close my eyes
And have the trouble melt away, at my single say
To have a carefree day
To simply go out and stay and play
No thought as to where anyone is
No thought as to where I am to be
No thought at all simple freedom
Sometimes I wonder why this hammer so heavy fell on me
Pinned me to the ground unwilling to set me free
Withheld by my duty it is here I must stay
For though I was placed here I will not dismay
I will take my life and pull it down with an arm
I will seize the situation and prevent it from doing further harm
I will not relent nor cry
For I was not place here to simply die
For I know now  I shall step away
And it is for that reason that I move day by day.
500 · Dec 2011
Simplicity
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Why is it so hard to be simple?
Something so small so little
Seems so hard and so far
Farther than the farthest star

Something that should be straight forward
Something that should be high now lowered
We struggle so hard to make things fit
Pulling the strings so it’s nicely knit

But there must be some secret code
Some secret channel or mode
Telling us where to go and what to do
Willing us to accomplish and move

But sadly there is no quick way
No short cut no secret say
Simple things come about simply
Hard things come about nimbly

What we see isn’t always what is real
On the dish of life we know not what goes into the meal.
493 · Dec 2011
Time
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
On it ticks and tocks
On it shoves and locks
Me into a state of confusion
Crushing and breaking my illusions

Always too much when one never needs it
Always too little when one wants to see it
Driving the most desperate of solutions
Never indulging in dilutions

Cracking the mind steadily
Killing the body readily
Like a poison it seeps and ages
Like a prison it locks us in cages

On it ticks and tocks  
on it shoves and locks
On it breaks and takes
Destruction and creation in it’s wake.
485 · Apr 2015
Hand on a chain
Elvis okumu Apr 2015
I have my hand on a chain
I am pulled along and the drain is insane
I can't obstain or restrain the pain I feel as I am dragged alond the feild
But I won't let it go, I won't let you steal the way I feel
make a meal of me, and then say it wasn't a big deal  
My body is battered and broken, and I am always beholden  
I have more to do as my time is always  bespoken  
The chain is harder and harder to hold on
and way is harder and harder to forge on.  
I am tiered and honestly, sometimes I  don't feel as if I can go on  

But I won't let go

Because i refuse to let the world know  
That it has beaten me
I won't let that dept grow nor will I ever slow.  
I will meet you blow for blow  
from the tides of spring to winters snow  
As the acorn falls and the rains do flow
And you will watch that oak tree grow
from a sapling as you and I are grappling
You won't understand what is happening.  
You will think that I am a creature of  some crazy fantacy.  

Why do I go on, I couldn't tell you.
Death just seems more fun if only I knew how to
But this heart of mine just keeps beating  
And I just continue living and my hand keeps on gripping
and I will be ****** if I just up and leave it.

I am a molded wreking ball
unhappy unless I am wrecking
For when I am not, I am only a ball
even the wrecking part of my name just falls  
And  whats the point of being just a ball
For when I was created I was called the wrecking ball

My pourpose is in my duty
My duty is in my pourpose  
and whats worse, the course I am on
would be gone without this chain  
So how can I complain even when I am in pain
Without this chain I would be plain  
I would be a ball detached from the crain.

So go on, and I will hold on
472 · Jan 2014
My silence
Elvis okumu Jan 2014
To sit, to be, alone swmming in a sea of silence.
To hear the sound of anonymity.
To bask in the glory that is obscurity.  
To hear, to see, only that to which is important to me.
The noise of the world left behind.
The deafening drums of what we now call life.
The noise, it saturates the soul.
Thick black tar clogging the path to a peaceful mind.
This constant grind, rolling psychotically.
Crushing, breaking, smashing, snapping.
Untill the heart is left plastered on the concrete.  
A smear I  ignore, a pain i medicate, a hole I try to fill.
It runs deep this damage.
Like blue ink on white cloth it stains me.
Throbing as it flows down marring the senctaty of my soul.  
My pain is not physical, not the sharp jarring pain of a broken bone.
Not the naked exposed pain of an open wound leaking life to the indifferent air.
It is that of a, bruised heart,  a battered soul, a troubled mind.
Abstract in its nature.
Understanding a bygone feature.
It has no beggining and no end.
When it comes the pain is everywhere and nowhere.
All at once then not at all.
Numb and yet so intense.
But the water of silence.  
Washes me, and the tar, the ink, the pain the stink.
Run down my body, the sensation sweet and heavenly.
Honey of the mind, milk to nurture the soul.
It is only then that I am weightless, only then that I am truely whole.
470 · Nov 2014
A reminder
Elvis okumu Nov 2014
I knew not your face,
Your form, your embrace
I knew not if the echo I felt  
was real or fake,
I could have made a mistake
As I continued to be unable to relate
to meet or satiate the hunger that in  me, ached.

You were a fevered dream
had from a mind that was  
coming apart at its seams  
alone in this desert  
you were the thought
Locked away like water on a dry day.

You were a sense  
a hope, a presence
that from my fingertips eloped
a ghost, like the echo of the sweetest note.
struck strong at first but then you vibrated
time passing as you were negated.  

I was a prisoner  
who thought it was fated
that I be relegated  
to this place
this space, where I would remain in disgrace

In the darkness of my mind you were a ray  
A light, a beacon shining in the night
but you were faint, just enough to taint
but not repaint my dreary soul in color.

but you were the inception of the rain
the first drop falling to the thirsty grain
the first sweet taste on the tongue
the first beat of music on the drum
the echo of a song silently hummed

With you the walk was then justified
the journey then ended
the effort finally expended
The burded dropped to the still dust
and the sore muscles finally rested

But most of all
you were a  reminder
that a heart need not be heavy
that I could learn to love again.
452 · Dec 2011
Temtation
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Twisting and turning me until you finally win
Whispering in my ear of all the worlds pleasures
Reaching out like a phantom and touching my skin
Making every moment an internal struggle
as my mind you easily boggle
Playing on all of my weaknesses
Showing me things I cannot resist
Guiding my hand towards that fateful switch
Pushing me to go a head and push it
Then comes the momentary bliss
Then come the shallow promise
then happy with the deed you have done
happy with the battle you have finally won
you walk away with your swaying hips
smiling your addictive smile
"until next time" you say with full lips
as shame swallows me up and my heart does it grip.
449 · Oct 2014
Left Behind
Elvis okumu Oct 2014
It feels like just the other day, that we soundlessly lay.
Our bodies intertwined, as we lovingly dined on each others presence.
It seems like just yesterday, that we so easily displayed affection.
That our faces were a mirrored reflection of the love we felt.  
Where pleasure sprung at the mere inflection of our voices.
And there was no sweeter name than that of the other.

It feels so odd to sit here and feel your phantom beside me.  
Like an ice sculpture in a warm room, you seem to dull by the day.
Is it that I am so besotted with greed.
This need to remember your voice or the color of your hair.  
Life continues and I can sometimes forget the regret.  
Or the dread I feel in wishing we hadn't met.  

But it is trying to remember how good it felt.
That reminds me of the cruelty that we were dealt.
Because they said that time to erase the pain.
That it would ease the strain of it all.
But you are still a statue of ice in my hall.
Melting where you once stood tall.

I guess I wish I could see you again.
But if I did what would I say.
Would we unknowingly pass each other on our ways.  
I know I would be aware of you.
Even if I pretended not to notice.

You left in a car, looking behind, at me standing in the road.
As the distance flowed, I dimmed into a dot.
How long did you look for me before you forgot.
Because I thought of you a lot.  
I was left behind, and the baggage weighed on my mind.
Because sometimes I can find my peace of mind.
And I guess that lessens the grind.
448 · May 2012
There is hope after all
Elvis okumu May 2012
Within that dark tempest
Where gravity pulls you down
Deeply into that darkness
Will you ever be found,  never

You can  try to climb out  
You try to make a sound
but unheard will go your shouts  
However hard your fists pound

Where to turn where to go  
What to do, whats the move
How could have you ever known  
None of the signs were ever shown

And now you fall, into that blackness
Fading away from the loving eyes
dieing away, from every likeness
All hope is lost, this world you dispise

Then resigned to your fate
Hunger is sated, a ray of light
A glorious sight, now you fight
Tendrils grasping, holding too late

Break the surface, shower in that light
Flying higher than a kite
Another day you live to fight
there is hope after all that is the light.
442 · Apr 2014
Metamorphosis in pain
Elvis okumu Apr 2014
Long is the journey
Short is my breath
Deep is my yearning
Dark is my health

Sorrow sits in my belly
Sadness is my helm  
Grief is the valley  
In which lies my realm

Am I build or demolished
Am I made strong or brittle
Am I scratched or polished
Am I made big or little

I hold on to the hope
That I will be better
Though the more I mope
My tears only make me wetter

The day of rest
The promised land  
If I only pass this test
It will all be put on my hand

But what of the loss
What of my innocence
That I leave on the cross
For this transcendence

Day by day
I feel the darkness coming
In my soul it lays
And I hear its sinister humming

I am changed
As my trials mold me
But from my emotions I feel estranged
I have lost them in agonies sea

I walk on damaged
More brittle than when I started  
It was not my will that was challenged
Not my character that was charted  
But from my humanity was I parted
And now I am worse than when I started
436 · Dec 2011
On this day
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
On this day the day of your birth
The day on which you took your first tentative breaths of air
The day on which, like a candle being lit you fit into existence
I wish you enough joy to last a life time the type to make the world stop and stare
Enough smiles to so your beauty can radiate    
Enough love to warm your heart  
On this day I take joy for you
For all the flutters you cause in my heart
For all the happiness that envelopes me while you are in my arms
For joining me on this walk of life  
I pass my fondest wishes on this the day of your birth
And await to see a hundred more pass each filled with more joy than the last.
432 · Feb 2016
Bestow upon me
Elvis okumu Feb 2016
Bestow upon me thy tender heart
that I may cradle it gently within my palms
that its beauty may give my soul a start  
that I may ache in agony if we were to part

wrap around me like a satin sheet
brush  the raised hairs upon my skin
and give my heart a racing beat
and allow loves nectar to flow within  

Come to me like a warmed breeze
As I close my eyes and you caress my hair
our love as vibrant in color as the autumn leaves
as I gaze upon your visage so fair  

fill my being as an empty cup
till I runneth over  
and shower you with kisses as an innocent pup  
as you are my precious charm,  my lady luck, my four leaf clover  

Bestow upon me thy tender heart
that I may cradle it gently within my palms
that its beauty may give my soul a start  
that I may ache in agony if we were to part
431 · Jan 2015
I dream
Elvis okumu Jan 2015
I dream of greener Pastures
Of sunkissed flowers
O light and playful air

I dream of greater days
Spent in the sun
Kissed by its sweet rays

I dream of unending happiness
of joy overflowing
Of cups filled to the brim
Sweet necter pouring over

I dream of brighter days
where even the night is illuminated
the monsters stay out of sight
For I stand with overwhelming might

So I  smile even as I am bested
And I laugh as my posessions are from me wrested.
Because my dream is my own
in it I can be happy

My muscles go on aching
My heart feels forever laiden
So I dream Of greener pastures
For I may never see them in my waking hour.
430 · Dec 2011
To be without sleep
Elvis okumu Dec 2011
Why is it I who must suffer in this
Why is it I who must bear it alone
My eyes grow weary of and sleep I do miss
My ears grow weary of the night’s cold dead drone

The fears of my mind move before my sight
There is not a place to which I can rest
I lay and wait in the darkness left by the light
My head buzzes with pain a hornets nest

Tiss madness I fear that is taking hold
I wish to leave pain to fly in sweet bliss
A barren waste seems to have the sad world
As I lay waiting for deaths cruel last kiss


Sleep is but the balm that soothes your hurt mind
Favor it for without life is not quite kind
426 · Jan 2014
On sadness
Elvis okumu Jan 2014
It starts in the throat.  
Bobbing up and down as if suspended in the moat.
Of my hearts emotion, in a vast ocean it is a point.
That gains weight until it disjoints my serenity.  
With anonymity it  pierces the natural flow.
Of the mundane that I comfortably know.  
And sustains the feeling of  an icicle slipping down my back.
I lack the traction to contain it, to will it away.
My words cannot stay and are wisked away.
Try as I may my walls fall away.
I am naked, bare in the cold.
Shivering snared unable to behold.
The figure sitting there, before me.  
The air within me, is too tightly squeezing.
I gasp for relief but all I do is sit there wheezing.
And in that moment my hope is lost.
Frozen solid with no way to defrost.
I leak emotion from bleary eyes.
And let out a agonizing cry.
Freshly cut and freshly bleeding.
The pain in my heart almost stops its beating.
It rolls in waves always searing.
All of this is the pain of simply being.
412 · Dec 2014
This cup of warmth
Elvis okumu Dec 2014
Snowflakes coat the world  
In a frosted embrace  
Though beautiful,  they're cold
Banishing warmth to disgrace  

Stress abounds in this season
Riddling ones heart with doubt  
The blade needs no reason
For an attack to mount

Though I may not be there with you
Through distance or the hard hand of fate
Through this  I do for you
That my affection may never be late


In this cup, a place I stake
For the warmth of my heart  
With every sip you partake
Know you are ever in my thoughts
368 · Aug 2016
My cup never runneth over
Elvis okumu Aug 2016
Can I but contemplate, but fathom, but ponder the anguish of a lonely soul
The satisfaction of the fullness thereof

(Still a work in progress)
338 · Nov 2015
Thy pain as my own
Elvis okumu Nov 2015
Through beaded tears, and trembling body
the wil-o-wisp of fears leave you tiered and groggy
your pain is as an iron blade on the tongue
a matalic mixture of sorrow and angush  that extend for so long  
ah that you would find some relief
that your hunched form may straighten to joy's belief
but these are only my wishes, inconsiquntial  
try as I might they will never prove to be influential

I would hold your trembling form
and in doing, offer what little comfort that I may afford  
For your agony feels as if it is my own
and betwist us I pray a healing balm be born  
for there is no joy in isolation
compounded by pain's desolation

But all things constant, if  another were to wade into the icy waters
the cold as slicing knives to the skin  
with the knowlege that there would be naught but suffering
but with the intent to suffer with you  
Then we would but clutch to each others trembling forms
and within pains bitter writhing cold  
we would find peace, as our journey to the dark abyss began to unfold

For my love for you extends as a bridge between us two
Know that you need not suffer alone
I shall stand as a home from the pain you you knew  
and I would stay and suffer with you
336 · Jun 2014
On desire
Elvis okumu Jun 2014
What do I know of desire.
Of the sweet nectar that dribbles from a wanting heart.
What do I know of fulfillment.
Of the sweet balm that soothes an aching heart.
All that I know is of rejection.
Kindness like a delicate butterfly pulled apart.

Oh the sorrow of the soul.
The need that inside of me grows  
That I may do more than awkwardly stare.
That I may be more than I would hope to dare.

But it is not meant to be.
For I am not a star to hope to twinkle in the night sky.
These chains that hold me down
Like a vindictive enemy force me to see
All that I would hope to be

So my honey so sweet turns sour on the tongue
My ache grows larger, the scar becoming ever long  
And as I try to reach, try to be try to assuage this need.
I parade like a clown, laughed at never to be taken seriously.

So what is desire to me.
Viper I call you for what you truly are.
for the venom you sink into me with each bite
poisons my soul such that I dare to hope.
But there is nothing there left to catch me.  
So I fall into disappointments miserable sea.
331 · May 2015
Go on
Elvis okumu May 2015
Go boldly into the light
Thy book of destiny under arm
The horizon within thy sight
Go boldly into the unknown
To see sights as of yet unshown
And grasp thy pen firmly  
Spin a tale we may not forget
Answer loudly to adventures call
Sure footed that you may not slip and fall
And in every venture always stand tall
Such that lesser men to you will always crawl
Write in they book with great strokes
And leave a mark on this world
Such that they may sing of your great work
As greatness around you will always lurk
Go forth my friend fondly and steadfast
For I know we will meet again
And what a tale you will have for me then.
257 · Apr 2017
My lovely storm
Elvis okumu Apr 2017
You came to me in the dawn, when the world was still a mystery.
The dew drops sparkled on newly minted grass
When the vigor of youth still burned and unwritten was my page of history
You captivated and held my attention with but a single pass
And upon my ******  heart, you placed the first crack

Though like a thunderstorm you came and went
I missed your quiet rumble and sweet patter of your downpour
Therefore, others thought me mad that I abhorred the silence
That I found no comfort without your noise, your quiet violence

I learned to sing and dance in the rain  
Until I was soaked to the bone  
I reveled in the colds shivering pain
That was the only way I did not feel alone

You came again to me, to darken my skies  
I turned and opened my arms to your gale
Your storm drowned out my joyful cries
You were my beautiful white whale

But as suddenly as you came you went
Leaving me on the shore  
Of what little joy you lent  
I clung to and wished you didn’t have to go

But you were a brooding cloud moving with the wind
And I was but a man without wings  
Though I ached with the need for your silent rain
I understood we were separate entities different beings
And to save myself sorrows pain
I gave up my watch of the horizon for that left my hope leaning.
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