I ache and I ache without a break I ache
Enough, enough it is more than I can take
An antidote,  a cure this is what I need
For from this ******* I endure  I need to be freed

And yet and yet the rope that holds me
The voice the siren  the false hope I hear on this sea
Pulls back, tugs back down it holds me
I don’t, I don’t understand my misery  

And yet I know where I need to go
And yet my progress drags on moving so slow
Why oh why must you be my anchor
Why, from land do you keep this sailor?

Spurned out, cast out I left in dishonor  
A heart cut down, I was left to morn her
And so I tried and tried to go and leave here
To escape, to be free from this pain that me sears  

And yet I try but that step I don’t take
For when I do leave, and pull out this hurtful stake
A black a dark sound my soul will make
For it remembers the sun, the warmth,  the love it was forced to forsake.

I feel all at once thrown up, as the ball in a child's game, thrown from hand to hand in the glee of the players. And yet as the ball I feel the anxiety of the initial launch, the growing dread of the acceleration. The pungent fear of the plummet. The growing anger at my mistreatment before the toss begins again.  I feel all at once caught between the rock of my  need and the hard place of my desire. Each squeezing me ever tighter, pressing me ever more, forcing me ever deeper. Forced to at a multitude of times be pushed past the line of determination I have drawn in the sand. To walk and trip over the words that like my laces I had thought tied and secure. I feel all at once thrown off balance, within the free fall of resending my words my resolve and lamenting my decision after the deed is done and my goal like my body crashes into the ground. I ask myself where is this to end, am I to forever bend to the force of nature, unstoppable as a hurricane sweeping away all my mental strength. Am I to only be a leaf to my emotions, reactions, blown away from the safety of my branch. Left to drift aimlessly till the wind decides to set me down to lay in an insignificant pile. Have I not a single fiber in my being capable of drawing forth anger like a geyser to stretch out from the depths of my heart and rebel. Or am I simply a ball tossed between whichever two forces that decide to use me as their play thing. Tossing me with out any regard for the safety of my mind. Oh peace I ask from where will you come, for I need you now.

I saw you walk in fall
With golden leaves lining your aisle
It was then that my heart slowly stalled
Then when the inch turned to the mile  

I watched you sit in winter  
As snowflakes kissed your cheeks
As cupids hand so sinister  
Squeezed my heart till love leaked

I saw you play in spring  
In between the lush green branches
It was then that my heart took wing  
And we two became perfect matches

I held you in the summer
Your warmth brighter than the sun
Upon my heart you became a drummer
Loves deed finally done  


I lost you in the rain
To whom I did not know
To this day I still feel the pain
As from my heart my love for you still flows.

Like a colossal building giving way
Bending breaking as from side to side it starts to sway
Shards of glass raining down
As an unrelenting  storm pounds the ground
A king deposed of his crown
Your words make this unbearable sound  

I stand unable to breathe  
as the words you uttered have broken me  
I stumble unable to bear the burden
I fall slowly to my knees
The world fades to an icy black  

The numbness seems to spread from my being
The light seems to dim from my eyes
I simply look without seeing
As my beliefs are have now turned to lies

Color fades from this earth
Sensation ceases on this land  
Gone from my spirit has the mirth
You have caused a deviation from the plan

How begs the question, why demands  the plea  
Wasn’t I the one you said I was supposed to be
A pain like none I have ever felt
The core of my being you begins melt  
Weakness takes over me
I hate the way you get see my vulnerability  
I hate the way you will now know
My hearts ebb and flow
I hate the way I let you see
The deepest part of me

For with less words than it took to take a breath
You have sentenced my heart to a painful death
With but a simple caress
You have cast my mind to unyielding duress
And the part that really gets to me
In my heart it is you I will always see

It wasn't good enough you need to improve
you need to remove all this stuff and make it a new
you need to please me, and make me happy
what I say goes no matter how sappy

I hear these words and down goes my mood
I grudgingly go to work and there do I brood
I wish for evil things to befall the one who told me
That all the work I put in the use they couldn't see

I spent my time, and  put in all my  effort
I worked hard yet you treat it like dirt
I can't stand that, the feelings  I get
when I hand you my work and it you reject

You may not see it, feel it or ever know
but against me you have given a grievous blow
you have attacked me in a way you cannot see
you have gone after my identity

For by telling me that my work was no good
is telling me the time I spent was useless and crude
I went through the trouble of trying to impress  
and me you see as nothing but someone useless

so go on and enjoy your power
for soon it will go sour
and as you fall into despair
I will be waiting for you there

Why is it I who must suffer in this
Why is it I who must bear it alone
My eyes grow weary of and sleep I do miss
My ears grow weary of the night’s cold dead drone

The fears of my mind move before my sight
There is not a place to which I can rest
I lay and wait in the darkness left by the light
My head buzzes with pain a hornets nest

Tiss madness I fear that is taking hold
I wish to leave pain to fly in sweet bliss
A barren waste seems to have the sad world
As I lay waiting for deaths cruel last kiss


Sleep is but the balm that soothes your hurt mind
Favor it for without life is not quite kind