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Mar 2017 · 582
Cold-hearted
Ellen Bee Mar 2017
Sometimes, I wish I was cold-hearted.


And I have no idea why.
Mar 2017 · 554
Hey you...
Ellen Bee Mar 2017
You'll never read this.
And I'll never see your face again.
Not in real life anyway.
It pops up.
In my dreams.
In my train of thought.
Sometimes.
Many years ago
I thought
We were
The story of infidelity
*** in the park
Secrets
And heartbreak.
It turns out
We were
The story of lies
Unintentional love
Undeserved passion
And lessons learned
All the wrong ways.
And now I know
You didn't love me
And you didn't love her.
And I'm glad I'll never
See your face again.
Nov 2015 · 354
by the way
Ellen Bee Nov 2015
I used to think about you every day
Bittersweet and nostalgic
Now I think of you when the moon is blue
I forget your middle name
Jul 2014 · 543
I am from...
Ellen Bee Jul 2014
I am from nowhere special.
I am from a small place.
I am from bonfires and intoxication.
I am from my parents.
I am from their love.
I am from their hate.
I am from a womb that later housed two others.
I am from lonliness and self-mutilation.
I am from Ramen and frozen pizzas.
I am from mental illness.
I am from coffee and cigarettes.
I am from Grandma's biscuits.
I am from laughter and too many tears.
I am from getting high on the roof.
I am from an altered state of mind.
I am from my mother.
I am from seeing the sky.
I am from hope of better things.
I am from the search of soul mates.
I am from me.
Marta Maria Miranda mimic
Jul 2014 · 1.3k
The Curse of Scorpios
Ellen Bee Jul 2014
I'm a hopeless romantic




that really likes to ****.
Jul 2014 · 999
Lies Disney Told Me
Ellen Bee Jul 2014
Six years old and we thought we knew
How it would all turn out
But Prince Charming doesn't
Go through hell to find us
He doesn't love us more
Because we're not completely human
The beasts don't transform
Just because we love them
One kiss doesn't awaken us
We're never rescued from the Gustavs
The Jafars
Or the wicked witches
And there are never any happily ever afters
Apr 2014 · 392
It's just...
Ellen Bee Apr 2014
I like the way the sky smells in the summer
And your hand in my hair
I like coffee and cigarettes
And how the ashtray fills with our secrets
I like it rough
And every end of a good book
I like the greener side of happiness
And the way it was
I like a mystic sense of humor
And magic
Apr 2014 · 1.1k
I guess...
Ellen Bee Apr 2014
In fifteen years
When you've signed your third set of divorce papers
And I've had too many one-night stands to count
When you've got two kids in highschool
And I've written three unpublished novels
When our lists are long
And our hopes are gone
When our youth is a memory
And half our lives are over
...that's when we'll get married
Mar 2014 · 480
Phone Call
Ellen Bee Mar 2014
You can barely see the scars
On my thighs
Anymore
That kind of bothers me
And I'm not sure why

We talked on the phone
For hours the other day
The fact that it had been years
Didn't even come up

You're married again
And you're having a baby
I didn't have anything to tell you
Because there's nothing to tell

You said you missed my laugh
I asked why
You said she doesn't laugh
Then you said she does
But it's always the same

It did make me think of all those years ago
The fighting
The screaming
The crying
The cutting
The laughing
The ***
The heartbreak
The longing
The jealousy
The secrets
The silence
The words
At least then I had something to talk about
I'm not in love with you anymore
But I'll never not be in love with someone
The way I'm not in love with you
Feb 2014 · 341
For the first time in years
Ellen Bee Feb 2014
I'm content
I like myself...
How I look...
Who I am...
But I have writer's block
Because I have nothing to say
When I'm happy
Jan 2014 · 704
Goodnight
Ellen Bee Jan 2014
Parked in front of your house
The headlights still glowing
I can feel that look on your face
And see your heart beating
I can tell you want to kiss me
But you won't
I want to tell you to kiss me
But I won't
And behind the thought of us
Trying to find warmth
By taking our clothes off
In my backseat
We both know our history
Won't repeat itself
But we might just end up
Rewriting our future
Jan 2014 · 464
Hands
Ellen Bee Jan 2014
His hands are big, but not in a weird way. They're big like a man's hands should be. He's got wide, long fingers and broad palms. They're the kind of hands you want to hold when it's cold outside, because you know they'll keep your whole body warm. They're strong. Rough and soft at the same time. His fingernails are square and always short, but I can't tell if he bites them or not.

That one time, in my bed, those hands were around my waist. They were pulling me closer to him and into my hair he asked, "Do you think we could ever be together?" My fingers paused on his zipper and I asked, "Is that something you want?" His left hand crept up my shirt. He whispered, "Yeah."

At some point, my hands were up against the wall with my long blue fingernails trying to dig into the paint. I said, "Don't you think we should talk about that when you're sober?" By then, his hands were on my naked hips helping to rock them and he replied with, "I guess so."
Dec 2013 · 717
Doctor Who?
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
I never make resolutions.
I feel I'm just setting myself up
for failure.
January always brings changes
for me.
That's just a coincidence,
I think.

I stood in front of your apartment
door.
I noticed it's green
yesterday.
Today,
I noticed there's a nameplate.
"Doctor"
it says.
Dec 2013 · 736
Doll Face
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
There's a little porcelain doll
Sitting on a shelf
Watching everyone go by
She's just pretty enough
To glance at
And just interesting enough
To hold for a minute
In her hand,
She holds a little glass heart
It's been broken
And there's a tiny chip
On her shoulder
With time, her price tag will show
Her diminishing worth
Her looking glass eyes will stop
Reflecting the light
And her painted-on smile
Will fade
Dec 2013 · 637
Insomnia
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
All my lives
You've been there
And if I fall in love with you
I'll never see you again
Dec 2013 · 726
Like a moth to a flame...
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
I once saw a moth
Fly right into a burning candle
It stuck in the melted wax
And probably died instantly
I think I am that moth...
Dec 2013 · 394
My Day Off
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
I didn't want to do anything today
I did our laundry
And the dishes
I tried to write
But was uninspired
I watched a good movie
And smoked a lot of cigarettes
I didn't eat anything
But never got hungry
It's Saturday night
And I'm sitting at the house
I didn't care about that
Until it was pointed out
I didn't mind being alone today
Which is unlike me
But I did miss you
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
You're never coming back
It all ended just like the movies
You were the main character
She was your leading lady
I was the obstacle you had to overcome
And you rode off into the sunset with her
And I was hurt and alone
The way it was meant to be
Fade to black...
Nov 2013 · 390
Truth
Ellen Bee Nov 2013
The words I'll
never say to you
Burn the back
of my mind
Like the tip
of my cigarette
As I inhale
all that we are
And exhale what
will never come
Nov 2013 · 586
Your voice
Ellen Bee Nov 2013
has a way
of making
my legs
go their
separate
ways.
Nov 2013 · 415
Three Little Words
Ellen Bee Nov 2013
I see you.
I like you.
I feel you.
I *******.
I love you.
I need you.
I hurt you.
I leave you.
I remember you.
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
There was this girl...
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
She loved her mother.
She had been in love.
She'd had her heart broken.
She loved her friends.
She liked to smoke.
She enjoyed reading.
She enjoyed learning.
She believed in kindness.
She loved music.
She was only half a person.
She hated to be alone.
She was emotional.
She loved deeply.
She had no one that was hers.
She cherished her memories.
She liked to take pictures.
She remembered the unimportant.
She forgot everything.
She gave up on a lot of things.
She wasn't beautiful.
She cried a lot.
She was compassionate.
She wanted more.
She knew something was missing.
She hated herself sometimes.
She knew a lot things.
She didn't know much.
She got her diploma.
She continued her education.
She left her soul mate because she wasn't his.
She loved her best friend.
She didn't eat animals.
She loved her brothers.
She had tattoos.
She hated her job.
She got caught with marijuana.
She didn't go to jail.
She disliked the government.
She appreciated the small things in life.
She loved to laugh.
She knew she was mortal.
She didn't like to think about death.
She didn't know what to do with her life.
She could do a lot of things.
Written a long time ago. Assignment for Creative Writing class.
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Fucking Fire Trucks
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
There's a monster right outside my window.
It's keeping me awake.
It roars just to test its voice.
Its huge square eyes stare at me, never blinking.
The red glow that flashes from its body is blinding.
It wails briefly, then roars again.
It purrs loudly, non-stop.
All I want is to sleep,
But there's a monster right outside my window.
******* fire trucks.
Oct 2013 · 396
Sometime PM
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
I watch the cars go by,
as I smoke my cigarette.
I wonder where they're going.
The people, not the cars.
I wonder where I'm going.
Who knows.
Let me live in right now.
Watching the cars go by.
Oct 2013 · 353
Good Dog
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Only fur.
Only bones.
She's gone.
I loved...
I still...
Good dog.
For Drago
Oct 2013 · 607
She's in the Flowers
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
She's in the flowers
Again.
She likes her pajamas
At noon.
Barefooted
Before you know it.
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
The Apartment
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Moving in was a *****.
Three tiny flights of stairs.
Night three and we finally had dinner.
Macaroni and cheese on the floor.
I was sad for the first few months.
Crying on the futon.
Crying in my bed.
Crying on the floor.
Crying in the shower.
Crying on your shoulder.
Netflix, Redbox, and Cooltv.
Dragging bags of clothes to the laundry room.
You and Cody played guitar.
We had a live show every night.
You wrote beautiful music.
And stopped singing if I cried.
Turning conversations into poetry.
You introduced me to Becca.
Little did I know, she'd be my best friend.
Getting drunk.
Getting high.
Smoking out of bongs.
Smoking joints.
Smoking bowls.
Smoking blunts.
Trying to find something to smoke.
The light in the bathroom stopped working.
We had to smack it for it to turn on.
That stopped working too.
The candle caught on fire.
Your drunk friend threw it into the sink.
I almost killed him.
We slept together sometimes.
We slept apart.
We slept with other people.
I took out my dreads to make myself feel better.
Shang was in West Virginia the whole time.
But he was in the living room every day.
We rolled...so many times.
Laughing at everything.
Going on toilet paper missions.
The futon broke.
New rule: no *** on the futon.
Playing Circle of Death, we got to know each other.
The ring of beer stains around the coffee table.
Bats chirping right outside my window.
We discovered our super powers.
I don't remember my birthday party.
The Christmas party.
Justin got me drunk on white Russians.
Slow dancing with Brian.
Mouth ****.
Jello shots.
You never carved the turkey cookie.
New Year's Eve someone kicked in the door.
It was broken for months.
The next few months were the last ones.
I didn't want to leave.
The apartment was our home.
We ****** up, we grew up, we threw up.
There's no place home.
Oct 2013 · 430
Everything is Painted Pink
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
And I hate it
Pink isn't meant to stand alone
It's trying so hard to pretend it's happy
For your benefit, only
The walls wish they could bleed
Just to be a different color
Oct 2013 · 679
Radio Silence
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
He walked into the store singing,
"He's an old hippy and he don't know what to do..."
Coke-bottle glasses on his face and a
Guitar case slung over his shoulder with
An American flag sticking out of it.
Plastic grocery bag with assorted items.
Band aids, cheap bottle of wine, Hershey bar...
There's an ear bud for an iPod in his ear.
He holds ******* to it and says,
"Radio silence."

Then he says,
"I saw him at the store.
I'm going to be the first to see him."
He grabs a forty of Icehouse
and brings it to the counter.
Into his own ear he says,
"I'm off duty. I can drink a beer if I want to.
Uh-huh. Okay. Radio silence."

He pulls out a tattered paperback book.
He tells the cashier that as he reads the pages
he rips them out and throws them into the fire.
He tells her his story.

His wife left him after twenty-two years
of marriage, nine years ago.
She ran off with a thirty-one year old man
when she was thirty-nine.
She met this man on the computer he'd bought her for Christmas
and six months later she was gone.
He said, "The bible says there's two things that won't last:
a fire with no where to go and a woman without a child."
After twenty-two years they never had children
and when she met Paul from New York, they had a baby.
He hasn't slept with another woman since
and he hopes, one day, she'll come back.
He said, "If she needed five dollars and I only had four,
I'd beg you for another dollar and that's love."

"Radio silence."
He was quiet for a moment.
He told the clerk they were looking for a man
named Jerome Black and to watch out for him.
And then he was gone.
Oct 2013 · 2.3k
Fingertips
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Kiss me, here, in a savage way
A clean blue slate conducting violet voltage  
I'm a ****** for exotic green

Purple reigns like a sea siren
Rain forests rise and shine
Hippies are just meadow junkies

Can't stop a free spirit
Ocean side to see the skyline blue
Leap frog and I need a refresh-mint

Blue slate for side walkers
Exotic green rain storm
Magnetic force causing a black rage

Skyline blue reminds me of tangerine crème
Why not wild thing?
Kiss me here for the real teal

High line green and stormy weather
Secret admirer radiation
Green with envy, purple reigns

Leap frog just blue me away
Sea sirens are just gypsy girls
Stormy weather shows your black rage

Mint apple and violet voltage
Happy endings will leave you hot blooded
High line green, Olympia

Rain storm and I need a refresh-mint
Stormy weather and we play leap frog
Secret admirer, let's meet?

Black rage, you're so hot blooded
Olympia, rise and shine
Blue slate and I need a refresh-mint

Mint apple and magnetic force
Leap frog with me, wild thing
We blue it, sidewalkers
The colors of my fingertips over the past few months.
Oct 2013 · 1.7k
Accident
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
It's always so foggy
on October mornings.
She knows that's no excuse
and she's so sorry.
She never saw the yellow bus.
She never saw the flashing lights.
She never even saw him
until he hit her windshield.
And she's so sorry.
She can't bring him back.
She can't take it back.
All she can do is
look at the floor.
And she's so sorry.
And she's so sorry.
And she's so sorry.
Oct 2013 · 416
On Suicide
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Maybe,
so many people
have killed
themselves
because
they've been
reincarnated
and everything
is too different.
"I can't live this way."
Oct 2013 · 354
Time
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
It started before we knew
what was happening.
When we were young and
everything seemed so far away.
We assumed the future would stay put,
while we still moved.
The world doesn't work that way.
We're beyond that point now.
We're beyond our first cars and
the could-this-be-it relationships.
We've passed that age where we see
ourselves always in that age.
Where time stands still and
we still float along.
Time is our greatest foe.
He ticks away our minutes in a way
that deceives us into believing
that it will never end.
Oct 2013 · 309
Too Early
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
I wonder...
if I went back in time,
would I see our future
flash before my eyes?
It's all about timing, baby.
And I've never been
one to wear a watch.
Oct 2013 · 351
Once
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
I just need
someone
to look at me
that way
one more
time.
Before my
empty hands
wrinkle
and there's
no one left
to look back
at them.
Oct 2013 · 603
With or Without Love
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
One
You were the first boy I let touch me and that's all it ever was.

Two
I learned how I didn't want to be treated from you.
I can't even remember how you ****** me.
It's almost like it never happened.

Three
I was so in love with you but you didn't care.
Every time you came I hoped you'd love me a little more.
But I was just another faceless place to put your ****.

Four
I felt as though I'd known you my whole life.
You were my best friend.
You still are and I don't know what that means.

Five
It was an accident and never should have happened.
We should have stayed friends without benefits.

Six
There was something about you.
If only things had been different.
You probably could have been more than just my boss.

Seven
We never talked about it back then.
We were just friends that had *** when you were drunk.
Years later, we didn't need to keep it a secret from each other.

Eight
I wish I had never met you.
I can't even remember those two years.
You ruined them.

Nine
I loved you, but you loved your wife more.
*******. **** her. **** Arizona.

Ten
We could have been great friends.
We dated instead.
I like to ****.
You like to ******* in the shower.
We barely had anything in common.

Eleven
We needed each other.
You seemed to think I was such a good person.
So good that you had to get away fast.

Twelve
It was fun and I didn't have to love you.

Thirteen
The fantasy of you was so much better than the real thing.

Fourteen
I could have loved you.
You never wanted that.
Everything you said was probably a lie.
I don't even know if that's true.
Oct 2013 · 642
Bright Ideas
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
I stood underneath a street light,
Hoping I would get a bright idea
When the sun went down.
It didn't work.

I walked home and every thought of you
That I pushed from my mind got caught  
In the ends of my hair
And slapped me in the face  
Every time the wind blew.

Somebody yelled, "Nice ***!"  
Out of their truck as they flew past me.
It would have been a compliment
If only they'd said,  
"You're beautiful!" instead.

There was something about the moon
Being out before it was actually dark
That hurt my feelings the same way
You never thought you did.

I remembered I forgot  
To tell you something.
I forgot to remember  
When I got home.
When I got home,
The door opened with a sigh
As if to say, "I'm glad you're home."
As if to say, "I missed you."
As if to say, "Silly girl,  
Doors don't care if you ever open them."
Oct 2013 · 546
The Sky is Violet
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
The sky is violet and no one knows.
It's the purple that purple was meant to be.
Brighter than plum and more perfect than grape.
It's violet like the way it feels for that person to touch you.
Light can come from their fingertips and shock your skin.
That kind of purple.
It holds a softness more beautiful than silk.
It's so royal and lovely that you know it's going to destroy us all.
Creative writing exercise.
Oct 2013 · 2.0k
Alphabet Sentence
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Always beneath
Certain days end forever
Geniuses hold idioms
Just **** lamentations
Many normal old people
Question reason
Still, tomorrow usually varies
Whether xenon yields zeniths.
Oct 2013 · 739
Some Six Word Poems
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
"Don't," was all she could say.

Love: the way to destroy someone.

What if he never comes back?

You've no idea who we are.

I never meant to love you.

He ****** her with a vengeance.
Oct 2013 · 426
How Easy
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
We're in a waiting room.
It's dark and chairs line the walls.
There are five other people.
We're all sitting on the floor.
Two men come in.
They both have guns.
Without hesitation,
One of them shoots a girl in the head.
I scream and you held me.
I start crying and the man shoots
Everyone else, one by one.
The other man just stands there.
Never speaking or moving.
The shooter steps over the five bodies.
He stands in front of us.
I sob into your shoulder.
You look up at him.
He says,
"Do you see how easy it is
To end someone's life?"
He turns and they leave,
Shutting the door behind them.
Another dream
Oct 2013 · 494
Ode to Becca
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Oh Becca, dear Becca
Your sunrise hair makes me happy
I love how weird you are
Using your glasses to hold things
You make me laugh
You listen
I see your beauty
Inside and out
In your child
Life without you would be the worst
You're my rock
My best friend
I'm so glad Dan got you high

Fin.
Oct 2013 · 308
12-21-12
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
You know, it never was the end of the world.
Oct 2013 · 484
Rainy Day Sunday
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
It's December but it feels like March.
I drove to work ****** today.
I noticed a lot of caution signs.
But nothing to be cautious of.
Oct 2013 · 628
That's Not My Name
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
Maria and I are watching a movie.
Suddenly, we are the movie.
I'm sitting with my legs propped up.
Some guy I don't know comes up to me.
He rubs my leg and calls me Alisha.
I say, "That's not my name."
I push him away.
He finds me again.
I keep running away.

Maria and I are outside now.
There are a lot of people.
We're on a platform and the guy finds me again.
He grabs me and starts to drag me away.
I try to fight but I can't get away.
I see a group of boys.
I look at them but I can't scream.
I can hear Maria screaming.
One of them runs toward us.
I think he's going to help.
But he's in on it, too.
Somehow, I get away.

We run to the woods.
There are a bunch of girls.
They are against us but ignore us completely.
One of them has a metal rod.
She's heating the end of it with a lighter.
She's burning the other girls with it.
They let her.
She touches her fingers to the burning end.
They glow in the same way.
She begins to burn the girls with her fingers.
She comes up to me and Maria.
Her fingers are dulling.
I say, "Don't touch me."
She says, "I'm going to burn you."
She touches my arm.
All I say is, "I'm going to push you down this hill."
I push her forehead and she rolls down the hill.
She lands, unmoving, in the ditch.

Maria and I are watching television again.
I say, "Do you want to watch another movie?"
She replies, "Yeah. Rocky Horror Picture Show."
A dream I had.
Oct 2013 · 2.4k
Crunk Stuff
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
He kept shooting at it.
Bears are badass.
Stop looking at me.
You might eat a seal.
I don't know what that means.
It was five dollars, but what the ****...
That's why I quit my job.
That one good hit.
I smoke two bowls by myself.
I killed that water dragon thing...
Monsters.
I can go to the city.
Hunt them.
I don't capture monsters.
I got you.
I really want to blow something up.
Something epic and meaningful exploded.
VKC property.
A hundred times more epic.
***** magazine pictures.
Insane.
Thirteen blunts.
His mom didn't know for a week.
All I see is ****** everywhere.
Fin.
I do this thing when my friends and I hang out...I write down random parts of our conversation and turn it into poetry.
Oct 2013 · 2.9k
The Media Bias
Ellen Bee Oct 2013
The media bias
The way you hear it
Is the way you feel
The news is only news
Because it's on the news
Only witnesses should tell the story
The media by us
Creative writing exercise: pick the seventh book on your bookshelf, go to the seventh page, find the seventh sentence, and write a seven line poem.
Sep 2013 · 581
A Secret Adventure
Ellen Bee Sep 2013
And bright red
Can't stain bright red
It's not because
It's beautiful
It's not because
It's right
In fact, you forget why
You came here
There's a reason
For all of this
The tub is just the cleanest
Place to do it.
Sep 2013 · 289
It May Be Broken
Ellen Bee Sep 2013
But I have the pieces.
I can learn to let it go.
You made this decision.
I made that choice.
I've slept in your bed
And you've slept in mine.
And in that way, we
Know each other.
Sep 2013 · 447
In the Visor Mirror
Ellen Bee Sep 2013
Thunder like a car crash.
Violet violent lightening
Breaking the sky.
In this light
You can see how old she feels.
It was never supposed to be like
this.
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