Sometimes, I wish I was cold-hearted.


And I have no idea why.

You'll never read this.
And I'll never see your face again.
Not in real life anyway.
It pops up.
In my dreams.
In my train of thought.
Sometimes.
Many years ago
I thought
We were
The story of infidelity
*** in the park
Secrets
And heartbreak.
It turns out
We were
The story of lies
Unintentional love
Undeserved passion
And lessons learned
All the wrong ways.
And now I know
You didn't love me
And you didn't love her.
And I'm glad I'll never
See your face again.

I used to think about you every day
Bittersweet and nostalgic
Now I think of you when the moon is blue
I forget your middle name

I am from nowhere special.
I am from a small place.
I am from bonfires and intoxication.
I am from my parents.
I am from their love.
I am from their hate.
I am from a womb that later housed two others.
I am from lonliness and self-mutilation.
I am from Ramen and frozen pizzas.
I am from mental illness.
I am from coffee and cigarettes.
I am from Grandma's biscuits.
I am from laughter and too many tears.
I am from getting high on the roof.
I am from an altered state of mind.
I am from my mother.
I am from seeing the sky.
I am from hope of better things.
I am from the search of soul mates.
I am from me.

I like the way the sky smells in the summer
And your hand in my hair
I like coffee and cigarettes
And how the ashtray fills with our secrets
I like it rough
And every end of a good book
I like the greener side of happiness
And the way it was
I like a mystic sense of humor
And magic