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Ellen Bee Apr 2014
In fifteen years
When you've signed your third set of divorce papers
And I've had too many one-night stands to count
When you've got two kids in highschool
And I've written three unpublished novels
When our lists are long
And our hopes are gone
When our youth is a memory
And half our lives are over
...that's when we'll get married
Ellen Bee Mar 2014
You can barely see the scars
On my thighs
Anymore
That kind of bothers me
And I'm not sure why

We talked on the phone
For hours the other day
The fact that it had been years
Didn't even come up

You're married again
And you're having a baby
I didn't have anything to tell you
Because there's nothing to tell

You said you missed my laugh
I asked why
You said she doesn't laugh
Then you said she does
But it's always the same

It did make me think of all those years ago
The fighting
The screaming
The crying
The cutting
The laughing
The ***
The heartbreak
The longing
The jealousy
The secrets
The silence
The words
At least then I had something to talk about
I'm not in love with you anymore
But I'll never not be in love with someone
The way I'm not in love with you
Ellen Bee Feb 2014
I'm content
I like myself...
How I look...
Who I am...
But I have writer's block
Because I have nothing to say
When I'm happy
Ellen Bee Jan 2014
Parked in front of your house
The headlights still glowing
I can feel that look on your face
And see your heart beating
I can tell you want to kiss me
But you won't
I want to tell you to kiss me
But I won't
And behind the thought of us
Trying to find warmth
By taking our clothes off
In my backseat
We both know our history
Won't repeat itself
But we might just end up
Rewriting our future
Ellen Bee Jan 2014
His hands are big, but not in a weird way. They're big like a man's hands should be. He's got wide, long fingers and broad palms. They're the kind of hands you want to hold when it's cold outside, because you know they'll keep your whole body warm. They're strong. Rough and soft at the same time. His fingernails are square and always short, but I can't tell if he bites them or not.

That one time, in my bed, those hands were around my waist. They were pulling me closer to him and into my hair he asked, "Do you think we could ever be together?" My fingers paused on his zipper and I asked, "Is that something you want?" His left hand crept up my shirt. He whispered, "Yeah."

At some point, my hands were up against the wall with my long blue fingernails trying to dig into the paint. I said, "Don't you think we should talk about that when you're sober?" By then, his hands were on my naked hips helping to rock them and he replied with, "I guess so."
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
I never make resolutions.
I feel I'm just setting myself up
for failure.
January always brings changes
for me.
That's just a coincidence,
I think.

I stood in front of your apartment
door.
I noticed it's green
yesterday.
Today,
I noticed there's a nameplate.
"Doctor"
it says.
Ellen Bee Dec 2013
There's a little porcelain doll
Sitting on a shelf
Watching everyone go by
She's just pretty enough
To glance at
And just interesting enough
To hold for a minute
In her hand,
She holds a little glass heart
It's been broken
And there's a tiny chip
On her shoulder
With time, her price tag will show
Her diminishing worth
Her looking glass eyes will stop
Reflecting the light
And her painted-on smile
Will fade
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