i haven't felt this empty in a long time. the numbness is already there but now i can't move. the water from my eyes is making me blind. oh where has the time gone? i think i'm going to go and stare at the ceiling come more because sleeping is something i haven't been able to do for a couple days now.

there is thousands of things that make us up
as your favorite books, the foods you eat
or what you're thinking on a tuesday afternoon

i am made up of a thousand things
but some choose to see me for only a few

i like to think that i am an artist
but not like van gogh more of a shakespeare
not as well, but can wind words like i can play guitar
keep that in mind i can only play one song

sometimes i think i’m an adventurer
i like to travel and hike up mountains,
jump off cliffs into bodies of water,
but than i remember that i’m scared
of getting eaten by sharks even though
i have dreams of being a surfer
and that spiders are pretty frickin terrifying so
i stay inside, safe, with my bug sprayed walls

i like to think that i’m good at music
but get yelled at to shut up in the shower
with that i only really listen to three songs
all being from the 1975, but
i enjoy all types of music from some led zeppelin
to anything from jack johnson

but i am mostly just a wallflower
with fifteen cats and a cactus
that is still some how living that
i named kauai after my favorite hawaiian island
and making ****** paper cranes at 2 in the morning
with only christmas bulb lights

but with all these things that make me up, it
makes me the most awesome that i could be

ej

you are the ocean
beautifully peaceful with
soft blues and warm sands

ej

its been three weeks
since we have last spoke
and today i sent you
a message just saying “hi”
you responded with
a question mark
i didn’t know what
to say to that
knowing you didn’t
want anything to do
with me..
is it cause you’re afraid
of falling in love
or cause i told you i was

its been a three months
since we have last spoke
i’m not sure how i feel but
i message you just saying “hi”
this time you respond
with a couple dots
again breaking my heart
i still fall harder and harder
why do i love you

its been a year
since we have last spoke
this is stupid by
i message you just saying “hi”
this time you respond
with absolutely nothing
knowing i should of let you go
much sooner than now
i still am falling everyday
could you tell me why
could you tell me why i love you
cause i can’t seem to find a reason
e.j.

You're were all I needed
In this crazy *** world
I thought anyways
I depended on you
When I normally don't
Give anyone the chance
When I was sad
You brought me up
When I needed someone there
You were
And I did the same for you
In every way I could  
Loving you wasn't hard for me
It was the pain you put me through
That was
I knew you loved her
But I didn't think that much
Because I didn't think
Anyone could love you
As much as I
e.j.

I love the way your hair falls
In to your face
And you don't fix it because
You're so into what you're doing
And when we're together
I get so nervous
As you look up at me
With a smirk
And when our hands touch
It's like electricity going through me
So I pull back fast with butterflies
And how your eyes glisten
When the sun hits them
And the way they look into mine
Deep and with emotion
Gets me every time
And I can't help but to stare back
I love how funny and kind you are
But doesn't give a **** about
What people think
An how you stare at me
Across the room from the bar
Biting your lip
Makes my heart beat so fast
I feel you can hear it
All the way over there
I can add so many things
But this would be longer than
Phantom of the Opera
e.j.

I know I told you that I just
Wanted to be friends
But..
I want to be more than that
I want you to think of me
Like I think of you at 4 am
Smile at a simple one worded text
That makes the day go by so much better
I want you to look at me
The way you look at her
Noticing the little things I do
That I don't even notice about myself
But mostly I want you to love me
Like I love you and you love her
Look at me and smile
Kissing me at random times
I want to say I love you
And not hide in your shadow
Because I do love you
I just wanted you to know
e.j.

Our relationship never seems to work out
It goes so well, that it's almost perfect
Then falls apart like dry sand
I'm always thinking of you
Even if I don't want to
It's like you're always in my mind
But feels as if I'm not in yours
And something wants us together
But something else wants us apart
I don't know what to be more afraid of
Having you always there
My heart in your hands
Or not having you at all
Crying myself to sleep cause I don't have you by my side
All I know is I might fall so hard
That it could be something strange
And really scary
Called love
But the thing is I don't believe in love
Maybe you could change that
e.j.

You're mysterious
With black hair
And dark eyes
No care in the world
A skater guy
Beautiful smile
From the warm state
Shorts and sand
Wet hair and vans
Stay up all night
Till daylight
I want to get to know you
But you're kind of quite
But look over at me
As you want to say something
I'm waiting for the day
You come over
Introducing yourself
Probably won't happen
You think you're to cool
To even say hi
Guess it's for the best
Cause I have a feeling
I would fall
So easily for you
And you wouldn't
Catch me
Letting me hit face first
On the cold ground
e.j.

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

I miss your smile
and the way your lips would say my name

I miss how you'd just stare at me
and kiss me at random times

I miss the four am calls
and how you'd sing to me even though it was off key

I miss the early morning walks
and late night talks

But mostly..

I miss us
Oh how I miss us
e.j.

I want to tell you
Just how I feel
But I can't get
The words out
I like you so much
And you're so
Adorable
But completely
Confusing
I'm not sure if
I should fall or
Run away
Like every other
Time
You make me nervous
I can't stop blushing
I love hearing your voice
When we talk over the phone
And your laugh
Makes me laugh
Hopefully if
This doesn't work out
We can still be friends
Cause I don't think
I could have you
Totally out of my life
e.j.

When I think of you
I can't do anything but smile
Even though you make fun of me
With the way I say certain words
I love how you love
When I say your name
Before a sentence
To catch your attention
I love how we could talk forever
Only if we didn't have to sleep
Or whisper cause everyone's asleep
I love your laugh
I could listen to it all day
When you smile even when we're not close
I can see and feel your smile
I could go on and on
But every second I keep thinking of you
I keep on falling and falling
Getting closer and closer
To the ground
I hope you're there to catch me
Instead of me hit face first on the sidewalk
e.j.

When we are laying there looking in each others eyes
Under the moonlight and stars
While it's lightly snowing

I'm getting butterflies
You're holding my hand
I'm wearing your jacket
We're both smiling

Then you kiss me
I tell you I love you
You say it back with relief off your shoulders

These days are best
When your with me
I'm with you
Together we be
The perfect two
e.j.

I can't stop thinking about you
Your name shouldn't even be in my vocabulary
But when I think of you
I feel complete
And comfortable
But so broken
Like a full non folded piece of paper
Then ripped apart in little pieces
I can't sleep knowing we're not together
You holding me in your arms as I fall asleep
So complete
So not broken
Only if we could tape up the ripped pieces
But I know you have moved on
So I guess I shall too
e.j.

That boy over there with the
Blue eyes and ***** blonde hair
Has a voice of an angel
Plays piano effortlessly beautiful
So beautiful your heart melts
And eyes tear
Goosebumps up your spine
Then you'll close your eyes
To find his voice is clearly perfect
Opening them to him looking up at you
Eyes looking into yours
Smilingly
That beautiful smile of his
And you have no other choice to smile back
Then he looks away at his keyboard
You can't stop starring at him
No matter how hard you try
Like he is glowing
But the room is dark
With only candle light
So how could this be
He must be an angel
And if that's so then he is
The most beautiful angel I've ever seen
e.j.