this hurts so much and
i don't know why...

maybe it is because
you are leaving in august

or maybe it is because
she doesn't trust me

or maybe it is because
she said my parents are bad parents

or maybe it is because
she said i could've ruined your career

or maybe it is because
now i won't get to see you

or maybe it is because
i am too emotional

or maybe it is because
i do truly love you
and i do truly care about you

or maybe it is because
deep deep down i stupidly believed
some of the stuff she said

or maybe and this is the one
i really think it is
maybe it is because when you
called me back to make sure
i was okay that
i could hear that you had
been crying and that you
were trying hard not to
and that i could hear the pain and anger
and sadness in your voice
from what she had said

people say that what someone
says to you is just words and
what gives those words
power is you but i
don't think that is true
because if it was then i
wouldn't be feeling like this
and neither would you

i scream
i cry
i hate myself

i yell
i scream
i tear at my skin

okay i get it,
you will never love me
cause no im
not her

im not pretty
or funny
or skinny

so this is why
i yell
and scream
and hate myself

because i know
ill never be her
and you will never love me

but i was hoping
just once to hear those
words
but what the **** was i
thinking

im sorry

its late and i know
you probably
wont get this untill
the morning.

but i have to tell you
ive always
wanted to tell you

how i felt
to have you
next to me in my bed
holding me tight
pressed close to my
body

but i didnt know how
but i felt
light having you
there
holding me
touching me
kissing me

but now thats all gone
but i wish it
wasnt
because i dont just
miss you
i miss your touch

why should i continue my
sentence
if you are the one who keeps
erasing the good parts?

J, I've seen what
you have been
writing lately
I know you say
nothing is wrong
and that you are
alright but I feel
and I know something
is wrong you aren't the
same as you were like
a month ago you seem
different and it might
just be me and I might
just be seeing problems
and issues were there
aren't any but you have
changed you don't seem
as energized and you seem
like life is being drained from
your mind and your body
and well I know I might not
be able to help and I know
it's not my business or job
to make sure you are okay
or to help you but just know
I know I'm here to help and
I want to help and I am here
if you just want to talk even
if it isn't about the problem
if you want I can distract you
but I have see what you
have been writing lately
and I have seen how you
have been acting lately
many people may not
but I do I see it and
I just want to say
I love you and
I care about you so much
and you are not alone
please don't ever
ever forget that