death sauntered up to
the bar, a few drinks deep.

what's a pretty little
thing like you
doing in an ugly little
place like this?

i laughed
like it was funny.

i make poor decisions
i said.

why not make
better ones
he asked.

i'm having too much
fun
i lied.

his lips stretched across
his teeth
in a semblance of
a smile. he thought i meant
i'd be a good night's
****.

let's get out of here
he said.

i drained the last of
my empty glass,
slipped my hand into
my empty pocket,
fruitlessly shook
my empty pack of smokes.

they were all full
an hour ago. or
maybe a year ago. you
lose track of time in
an ugly little
place like this.

that's not what i meant
i thought.

okay
i said.

we grabbed our coats and
walked out into
the cold.

It was a private
"Christian" High School
I was fed a lot of bull
But I never let it get me down
I had afternoons with you

Remember math class, Anna?
Remember my fingers drifting up your skirt
Slipping on and off
Pressing on your favorite pressure point

I remember how when the teacher turned
You would whisper so wet and heavy in my ear
"Give me your jacket"
Pressing the heel of your white palm
Into my begging human lust
Sometimes
When it's dark outside and I am all alone
I might allow my mind to wander back to afternoon
Study dates with you

Pulling at your stockings with inhuman ferver
The woman-soaked groan in my ear
The tingling of your glow soaking into my boyhood
The slip of your breath
Brought me to the edge of finite pleasure
The bite of your teeth on my bottom lip
Before you make me quiver with your
Red
Velvet
Tongue
Your  mom pulled up in the drive way
I dashed
dressed
And got one more kiss
(Smothered in the taste of your sea)
"Don't forget your jacket"
I jumped the fence and began a steady pace to home
A long long way away
Imagine my surprise as I lit a ciggarette
And found in my jacket pocket: your *******

A poem falls short; I'd like, instead
to draw a single line from me to you
and watch it curl into a word
so beautiful it's still unsaid –
or press paper to the window pane
so that the day might saturate
a note that brightly warms your hands,
spills birdsong from imagined trees
and buzzes like fat bumblebees,
but I am bound by language, love; I can't.

Spare me but a moment,
No longer,
No less.
Allow me to drift away from this place;
Allow me to close my weary eyes,
And disappear.

In this moment,
I shall be freed from the anachronism
That is within me
And surrounds me.
I shall no longer hear the shriek
Of fleeting automobiles,
Nor the scattered screams and shouts
Of the fools in the city.

It shall all vanish,
Only to be relieved by
Those ancient, mesmerizing melodies
Of both music and laughter.

No longer shall I see the gray tiled floors
Glazed with an insidious toxic polish,
Nor strain my eyes to see beyond
The flashing neons of places I dare not tread.
I shall see only the fond smiles
Of lovers,
As they sway back and forth amidst
The mellifluous music of the gala.

I want nothing more than to sway,
To be held in the arms of a man
Who no longer exists.
Through agonizing ages,
It seems the gentlemen could not endure
All that threatened to erase them from
This world.

The tower grows ever taller wherein
Rapunzel waits;
The taste of the apple that
Poisoned Snow White
Still lingers upon her lips.
Sleeping Beauty ever rests;
No prince shall come
To her aid.

Spare me but a moment,
For if time is truly manmade,
Allow me to drift away
Eternally into the past.

with my heart

        and my ukulele
on my sleeve

            i beg of you
just finish me off.

                  just fill my
lungs with black tar
                  and muck

cancer i welcome you


i'm sick of these scars
         i draw on my skin
                          with safety pins
and swords

                     i may as well
        just cut off my limbs

        hang myself from the chandelier
bury myself in the snow in my yard


                                                                    Don't come
                                                                               looking
                                                                    for me