You didn't stay long enough
To see the jasmine
Blossom
outside your room
It's beautiful
You know
And you're missing it
Because you left
You let me goqqq
You told me i was the one
The day you gave me that bracelets
The Armour of God
Something you mother
had told you to give to
"the one"
I still have it
Because in my heart
I believe I'm her
I still think I'm the one
And you've let go for a little while
I'm hoping you come back
I really am
You'll be able to see the jasmine bloom
It'll be beautiful
By the time you return
After its been
alone
For quite some time

The dark look in your eyes...
Mysterious, yet effervescent

A loss of innocence...
Purity... Are you still here?

Satisfaction beyond compare
Bewildered and intrigued by the sensation

Surrender yourself...

Forgive me.

I believe I have found what I have lost
Right now
I have lost my passion
The word I used to speak about so profoundly
I've lost my hunger
My desire for something to live for
I've lost myself somewhere along the way
On my journey this year
I am merely a morbid creature drifting along
Shutting her heart from emotion
Lusting
Not feeling any sin
Any traces of emotion  
I had a desire for words
For language
I wished to study linguistics and language
As this is what my heart pounds for
But alas
The man with money will not allow me to do so
The man with money will not allow me to study a hopeless degree
I must study something mathematical
That will bring the cash
So I will not end in a dire state of poor finances
I wish not to leave my parents bankrupt
****** I hate this world
Money money money
That's all I see
Like a beggar beside the road
Please please I'll do anything
I feel like a common *****
Forgetting her hidden passions
And merely opening her legs
For the man with money
Passion is lost
I am in an abyss that is void of emotion
And creativity
I am numb
This is the life I am to follow
Void of passion
Void of what I want to do
I thought I had a dream filled with passion and zealous wonders and adventure
But the man with money had a dream for me too...
Morbid and still I will be
A common *****
Begging for your money

You meant it as a mere joke
Something I should laugh at
But those words stuck
And I felt a putrid, vile taste in my mouth
As you said it
I thought it was a night of love
I was wrong
I was so wrong
For you chuckled
And laughed at it
And you sniggered
And said ever so hauntingly...
"It was the night you lost your innocence."

And you continued to laugh
As my heart sank
And my pure heart was
Drenched
In black oil
Staining my heart

Never to be pure again.

I can feel her trying to crawl out of me
Out of the nest I've sown tightly around her
She's fighting...
I can feel her breathing
I can't numb her bashing anymore as a faint itch
I feel her
Scratching and clawing at the walls...
She will not be defeated...
She needs me to set her free...
But I still whisper,
"Hush. It's not quite the right time yet...
I don't know if it ever will be."

I miss you
The old you
The loving you
The you who didn't get annoyed
Every time I say something

God, I don't know
They tell me to leave you
Why am I staying
I'm not happy
I'm scared. I'm afraid. I'm insecure.
I feel worthless in your eyes.

Is this abuse?

Emotional...
Heart wrenching
Oh God
Help me

"Do we still believe in 'the one'?"
I Asked my best friend
The question adorning the moment
And I pondered...
Do we honestly think there is some man out there searching for us, just waiting to meet us?
Are we relying on destiny, for fate to sweep us away to meet him?
What if he walks by?
What if we never meet?
What if we have met, and he never knew us...

But if there is this 'one', would he want me?
Me, with my *****, hopeless heart
That has been so defiled by other men
That has been gassed to death by their meaningless words
That lies on the floor begging for one final breath
I beg of you, will he love my tired soul?
Will he numb the pain that pulsates through my being?
My spirit is so tired of this
Of broken hearts and broken dreams
I scream out and I wait
I wait for you
'the one '
I am naked and bare
No hidden pretense
And I sit here
Listen out for me
Because you'll here my soul screaming
Bitterly
Needing your touch...
The one, the one,
Don't be afraid of the dark
nor my disgusting scars and filthy, morbid heart
My Ragged and old heart
I need your touch...
The one, the one
Come back to me.

My muse...
You have returned
In your purest form
A screeching
And thundering roar
Oh my sweet muse
Drench me in your tears
I have thirsted so long for your touch on my lips
Quenched...
Your cataclysmic sounds
Deafening
Yet now I can finally hear
I can see
I can breathe your life again
I am alive

Thunder
Lightening
Rain
My muse
You have returned.

It is raining this morning and I can hear the dripping next to my window.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Like the sound of my heart now that it has been released, the sound of life now that my eyes have opened again, the taste of fresh being in the air that tells of a girl who will not allow herself to stop. She will not allow the face of Man to take her away from her passion, from the beating of a sensual and released heart and a soul that will not escape from her body. No, she will listen to the raindrops...
She will listen to her heart.
She will not stop.

She hears the sound of rain this morning.
At first silent, not truly audible , but then turning into something powerful, something strong and rhythmic and beating down on the soil of this barren land!

She can hear the rain pouring down now, the thunder shouting and the strike of lighting showing the storm's eyes, but these eyes, they are not crying tears of pain. no, these eyes shed tears of release, tears that have seen what darkness truly is and these tears are letting go. These tears tell of a joy that is like a new song, that make someone feel a need to spread out their arms, jump and fly...

It is raining this morning.
I can hear it now.
Drip. Drip. Drip.

It's  not about the fish, I say
its about the sea we're all swimming in, not caring whether we hit a wall or stumble and fall to the ground.
We tend to stay on the ground, refusing to pick ourselves up and swim to the top to see the sun we wish to see so badly.

That is the love I've lost. The love for the sun beating down on my tear-stained face...

This world can not take the pressure to maintain glory and happiness
So one must never believe that their bubble of absolute happy will last
For one only one can be happy
And so the other must be sad
One will never find two pieces of happiness in one place
There will always be a rise for one
And a fall for another
Perhaps you were at the epitome of happiness...
This, my friend, will not last
Sadness will hit
Your melancholy will Dwell inside you
And another will steal the happiness you prayed to keep
For this is the way of the world...
The Rise and The Fall.

The lights lead the way
Slowly
quietly
Leading the path to my destiny

I ponder this journey I take
Tiresome
Unpassionate
Money lust

Sigh

Such is life

These past three weeks Have been quite unnerving
I've found love and I've lost one of the most important people in my life...
Losing her was terribly sad...
I've tried to push away those feelings of sadness and heartache
By focusing on love and the endearing look he has in his eyes
I have not allowed myself to succumb to dwelling in my sadness
And the urgency in my heart to cry our her name to the heavens
Where are you?
Are you looking down on me?
I miss our Sunday visits, Ouma
I miss your sweet rosy scent
I am conflicted by the emotions I feel
I am resisting the screaming and sobbing in my heart
I am deafening her
With a pillow to her mouth
I am allowing her to fall asleep
And when the sobbing, screaming child in my heart awakes...
I love her
I remind her that 'Jesus wept'
And it will be alright
And she should allow the Love of Jesus to flood her heart
1 Corinthians 13 Love should swell up inside of her heart
And she should love
Allow that love to surmount all that melancholy inside of herself
She will love
She will love
Momentarily I am lost
And I was found by
The Lover of my Soul
Jesus Christ, dwell in me
Love me
Bless me
Be with me
And help me to spread Your Word
And lift Your Name on High
Jesus... Dwell in Me
And Love...

I still look for you
In corners
In our favourite shops
But I never find you

The sky, the sky!
It angered...
It hummed...
And the sky cracked open
With tears needed to be shed
By the people of my land
Their hearts are broken
And melancholy reigns...
But on this morn
The sky broke
The clouds screeched
And the earth cried
With triumph...

However now I hear the whispers of the sky
She no longer weeps
Her leaves rustled
And her heart pumped life into this earth

The sky, the sky!
The earth is awake.

There's a certain
Spontaneity
In the art of a kiss
One has to be witty
Smooth
And thoughtful
About the sacred act
One has to envelop themselves in the moment
Completely
Breathe in the silence
See the glow in her eyes
Lean in
Ever so slowly
Slowly now,
Easy...
One can't be too rapid
Or quick
She might fret
And run off
Easy now...
Gently...
With a palm on her cheek

Ah
There you go

You've kissed her
With precision and art
Yet with a mark of Spontaneity
That only she sees
In your vicious art.

I hear you Thunder
I hear you
I see you cracking in the sky
Lightning
Destroying the clouds
Screaming
I hear you shouting at me
To write
To do something, Liz
Release.
I hear you
I see you
Breaking the skies
Telling me to see this
Phenomenal Brokenness
And it is much greater than that
I feel
Oh, I watch the show
Outside my bedroom window
And I wonder how
Such disaster
Can bring such peace
To my empty, aching heart
I wonder how the pouring down of rain
Brings me such peace
Such serenity
How this storm
Makes me want to write
Something so real and passionate
Oh, God
I hear you, Thunder
I hear you screaming my name
Liz, get over your pain
Get the hell over it
Look at the beauty of
nature before your eyes
See your hand writing
See your heart on fire
Ignite
Feel yourself breathing again
Breathe in that inspiration, Love
"Breathe It In!" You Scream
Oh, Thunder
You Screaming Being
Screaming at me
To get over my reverie
Get out of my pit of turmoil
Remind me how to breathe

No
No
Do not quieten down, Storm,
my friend
Be
Rage
Scream
Be the anger I want to set free
Oh, God
I've never felt so free
This peace
No, no
This release
The storm
My dear friend
Releasing all that is
Inside of me

Oh, Thunder
I hear you
I hear you loud and clear
And Oh, Lightning
I see you, I breathe you in
My reminder that anger exists
Oh, Storm
Oh, Storm
Storm, my dear old friend
You, dear, help me conquer
The storm inside my melancholic soul
My deep anger within
You are my only friend.

Sometimes this journey feels so surreal
How did this even happen
Life was so normal
So plain and so ordinary
I took so much for granted
The sunlight as it stretches slowly into the room
Sunlight and basking in its presence
The wind touching one's face slightly
Caressingly
Family and how laughter can cure the deepest pains
Friendship with hearts filled with so much love and content
So much support

It's funny how we don't appreciate people
Until a tragedy
Something big
People are good
We make out as If we are the biggest fiends
As if we have darkened the world
With our pessimistic hearts
And our realization of being too naiive
You can't be naive and appreciate life for what it is in this day and age
A part of you needs to be skeptical
One feels a need to criticize "the man"
The one in charge of this mess

Nevertheless
Life is strange
However, I honour the strangeness of life
And I respect it
Without it, life would be boring
And tragedies
And crazy circumstances
We need those
To realize
We aren't just some deep messy abyss of darkness and suffering
There is a light pulling through
Open up your curtains
And see your pain trailing out
As you bask
In the Glory
Of the Majesty's mighty sunlight
As your blinded eyes
Will see again

You preyed on
my vulnerability
You took
what you could
of me
Physically
And you took
*everything

I feel as if
We use the words
"heart-broken"
Too easily
So callously
So nonchalant
But no one knows
How it feels
What it truly means to
Have your heart shattered
broken in a million pieces
As your fingers bleed
When you try to pick them up
Try to mend your broken heart
No one knows this pain
The reality of a broken heart
The pang
The sting
The hole left inside of you
For months on end
Nobody understands
The true actual pain
Of a broken
Shattered
Heart

It's quite something
when all the
lies come out

One by one.

Slowly
they bite at you
and try to numb your mind...

And then you inhale
the smell of truth.
The comedy of it all.
What a fool you were
and what a fool he is.

Oh, all your lies, baby,
they'll come out
soon enough
for the world to see

His poetry makes me numb, gasping for breath, tears streaming and heart bleeding on the floor...

I've never felt
So much pain
For one person
A person who is so on fire for life, So passionate
Yet with sorrow laced between
He is enigmatic
He is a mystery to me
So complex
A trail winding and twisting
And
Changing
Always altering his mood
The way he feels about you
However, I find this enigmatic boy quite the romantic
A solid soul searching for love
Searching for someone out there
On this meandering pathway
Although he searches for his rose
He finds thorns in his travels
And he loves them
Even though they weaken his strength to carry on walking
To search for her
He wanders, you see
He glances from side to side
Searching for answers
So passionate in finding them
So inspired
Yet so cruel
So cruel
To those who seek his heart
And want to mend it
So vile and wicked
Yet, so loving...
He wanders down the narrow path
Searching
Walking past his rose
Hurting her
And discarding her
To the hounds
And he finds those meandering pathways
Filled with thorns
That pluck away his innocence
Leaving him bleeding
Bleeding steps
He walks on
And leaves the blood rose
Behind.

You see, his poetry makes me weep
His poetry makes my heart bleed
As he leaves me on the floor
Defiled
And mortified
By his pain
That numbs my soul.

You ended it
The week I said no
The week I said
I wanted to slow down
The week I said
I wanted to get closer to God again
The week I said
I wanted God to become the centre of our relationship
The week I said
No
The week I said no more touching
The week I said no more
The week I said
No to ***

And I am very insecure
Is that all I was?
Was I just an object of lust and desire?

My heart aches
I feel used
And I hate you more each day

I was always taught that the wind howled...
But the wind doesn't howl...
It screamed.. It's screeched...
It sang out as loud as it could
Hoping the world would hear her roar...
She screeched
She bellows
Her voice thunders through the world
She is enraged by you
Your dispassionate
Inpoignant life
Scream! Screech!! Shriek!
No...
the wind does not howl
With a howl of mourning
She screeches in pain
In envy
And detests your hopeless life.

The words that hang in the air
Waiting to be said
Waiting to be uttered my lips

I type the three words
Every day
Every week

They hang there on the screen
That line pestering me
Mocking me as it beats there on my ****** phone's screen

Like my heart as it accelerates
As I stare at those black words
On the white screen

You sit there
Like a lazy old drag
On a winter's day

Your smoky silence whisking in the air
Polluting this heart
Soiling my skin

You sit there
You three words
Screaming at me

Pestering me
Muttering my pretence
Hearing every doubt in my heart

You, you three words
You chastise me
Your tantalising flames from that cigarette's blaze

My keyboard knows the words I wish to say
To you, but will I ever muster the courage to say:
'I miss you'

Why don't
You have
a body
Like hers

God, what's wrong with me

He'll never know of the pain he caused you
Of the fear you hold.
For a single glance from wandering eyes of men
How afraid he's made you of giving your heart away
Because heartbreak is the worst
And it's a pain that never leaves
Always leaves a bite that lasts
A scar that is forever traced
On your skin
It is the wound that never heals
Always hidden deep within.

They've painted an unrealistic picture for us
Of a man
Who treats you like a treasured item
So valuable
And so exquisite
They lied

They lied, baby girl
They  lied
They lied
They lied

Those fairy tales are a lie
Those romantic stories are all wrong

No man will treat your like a jewel
You are an annoyance to him
He won't treat you like you're worthy of the greatest love
He won't make you feel special
You won't remember the scent of him on you

That passion will die
Those hungry kisses die
It all dies

They lied, baby girl
They lied

When I'm with you
My friends say I look happy
Truly happy
The most beautiful I've ever been
And I smile genuinely
As if I'm on top of the world
My eyes aren't filled with sadness
They say I look in love
They say that they've never seen me happier
Because you complete me
You remind of who I am
You remind what passion truly is

They say my voice is different with you
I sound authentically happy
A raw brilliance

I am brazen when I am with you

I love your eyes
Because they're filled with passion and a love for life
You charismatic beauty

I fell in love when I met you
When I shook your hand
And electricity coursed through my veins
And the way my heart jumped when I caught you staring at me as I watched life before me with bewildered eyes
I was intrigued by you
Your intensity and our first kiss
The kiss you gave me when we said goodnight

They say I am happy with you
My eyes smile

I am the best version of myself when I am with you.

I lost my youth


Where did my time go...
Where did it go
When did my youth dry up?
When did I become ma'am?
When did I become so old...

Oh you...
You awful disease...
You stole two years of my life
You stole everything
My beauty
My vulnerability
My porcelain skin
Undamaged
Perfect and pristine...
My tiny bodice
And my long hair that came to my hips

You stole my confidence

You stole my youth
You stole my life for two **** years

You...
You left me in tears...

But now, I will stomp on your face
I triumphed
And I refuse to speak to you again
You don't deserve my attention
You don't deserve anything of me
I refuse to speak about you after all you've done

You thief of my youth

You just don't get it
You're so caught up in your little world
This whole minute life you've created
It matters so much to you
The needs of society,
This social norm you follow
You've gotten so caught up in their train
In their "follow the leader", "Simon says" business
You've forgotten individuality
Identifying one's own passion and following it with all your heart, no matter the consequence
But no, you've fallen into the trap
You've forgotten how to breathe
The smoke has filled your lungs  
And you can't get out of their grasp
the grasp of
Their "selfie" world
Where movement is constant
And you never seem to pause nor ponder at yourself anymore
You keep moving, moving, moving,
Never listening, never growing
So caught up in this money game, in chasing your Piggy bank, your best friend and only companion
You don't care that your soul is dead as you do the "well-paying" job...
Your parents picked it out just for you
You don't care
That you've planned his life so perfectly
It's so well thought out... what could go wrong?
And if those doe eyes dare to mention something else... perhaps something abstract

You'll crush him like a flower
It was unexpected,
And he was so unknowing of your hatred of his bewildered mind
And dream so big
Too big
That he
listens
to your morbid, monotonous,nonchalant talk of
Money, of dreaming unwisely
His broken daisy even forgives
He gives off the purest scent
A Fragrance of forgiveness
Or a fragrance
Of falling into the
Trap
And wilting
As he and you live your last days
Of regret.
Pleading to
Tell them this epiphany, but it's too late
You've already set the game
And it's now theirs to play,
To either unravel your story
Or rip out your perfectly planned pages
And paint.

To me, it is a leap of faith
To fall in love
To give someone your heart
Love is terribly daunting
It is beautiful and
Terrifying to give someone the power to destroy you...
You place them inside your heart
A place woven perfectly for them...
You allow him to grip onto your heart the way he clutches onto your back
As he takes you...
As he marvels at the beauty of your body and your very soul
You allow him to see inside of you...
The dark desolate dreams that silently scream...
You allow him to know who you truly are
That sometimes you cuss
And time to time tears flood from your eyes
You give him every piece of you
He grabs your heart
The way he tears at your soul
As you open up every part to him...
Perhaps you do love this man
For when you see him, love swells inside your heart
And you become someone you had never thought you could be...
Passionate and precise...

Love is daunting
Love is allowing you soul to be placed upon inspection
And they dissect every piece of you
Observe you
And you pray to God that they'll love those
Dark and defiled pieces of your heart...
And those pieces that are good and happy
And filled with love to give to them

Love is incredibly terrifying
And I pray that this is it
You will love me
Forever perhaps...
I truly do hope that this is love...
Because I feel that what I have for you
Is that daunting
Feeling of love...

Today I had an MRI
Worst thirty minutes of my life
However, my thoughts strayed
From corner to corner of my agile mind
From the beautiful woman in the foyer who spoke about her life
To life and it's wonders...  
And the statistics of deaths
During an MRI
Irrational thoughts indeed...
But thoughts that are frightening
In that moment of need.
Funny what you think of...
When you don't know what's going on
When you're trapped by a machine
When you're trapped by life...
I wondered...
Will they remember me?
I remember the woman's fascination
With my long, golden locks
That touched my hips softly

Ha, at least they'll remember my hair.
That's something, isn't it?
Being known as the young girl with long, luscious golden locks...
If they don't see my writing.
It's something.

Before the MRI,
They said 'Think of happy things'
And then my thoughts wandered
To you...
Your beautiful smile
The way my heart flutters when you look at me
When you taught me how to dance
And we flowed on the dance floor
When I held your hand
And my heart skipped a beat
When you glanced at me
With such sincerity
And your name repeating in my head...
You, you, you...

My thoughts during an MRI
Are odd
Thoughts of life, thoughts of death, thoughts of remembrance,
Thoughts of long, golden hair
And thoughts of
You.

Three Stars above us...
You counted each one
With melodic beauty from your tongue
You spoke about the stars
With genuine curiosity
Your palm resting on my hip...
Your eyes staring at my tender lips...
Gracefully, you have stolen my heart
Elegantly, you swept me off me feet
You whisked me around the dance floor
Pursuasively
You stared into my eyes
Intensely and perhaps lovingly
My dear, you mean a lot to me
You are my greatest friend
And I refuse to allow this
Sweet, silent moment
As we dance under three stars
To transcend...

I'm wasting away
I am tired
Oh so tired
And I can not allow myself
To succumb to this exhaustion
This terrible trickery of the mind
I have numbed it!
My head is aching with a burning desire to clench the truth with my bare hands
But I cannot
I cannot
For I am tired of sleepless nights
And restless days
I have stifled her roar once again
And God,
I am tired.

My weeping shaking body
I am tired
I am weak
I yearn for better days
And a better life
I yearn for something more
A life I desire to live...
I yearn for so much more than this.

Today I am hurting
I am hurting inside
With a pain I cannot bear.
And I am tired.
I am so tired
Of missing you
Of holding those sweet memories close to my heart
Because you have hurt me so
And I hate that I have
This desire
To cry.
To shed tears
For no apparent reason
Just because of this aching
Inside my heart
From a place where you used to dwell in me
From this place I made perfect just for you
How I miss
My eyes that smiled
Just from hearing your steady, unwavering voice
And I know, I was wrong...
I was wrong to put you on such a high pedestal
I heard the voice in the back of my head
Pleading me not to give you such reverence
Giving you a secret place in my heart
That belonged to Another
So much more worthy
I know I wasn't supposed to
Hold so much respect for you
And so much
Love?
Could one even call it love?

I know now that I was wrong.

But today,
Today
My heart is aching
I am forlorn
I am empty
Without you
Because the me that I saw in you is still the me I long to be
I miss her smiling eyes
And charisma
And change of thoughts because of you
I ache
I yearn
And today I am hurting
Because I miss you.

You made me fall in love again...
You made me fall
in love
with
words,
phrases,
poetry,
passion...

Oh, how I miss you, love.

I do wonder
If I'll ever love someone
So fiercely again.
I loved you with all my heart
I loved every part of you
I loved every bitter piece of you
And I was willing
Willing to love those bitter pieces
Drenched with smoky still silences
Of your broken heart

I don't know if I will ever love again
So fiercely
With so much passion
Will I ever find a soul
Who whispers so in tune
To mine?

Don't ever tell me that I'm
'too young' to be in love
I'm eighteen
I know what's left and right
I've been around the block a few times
I've read enough romance novels
I've watched my fair share of clichés
And I do dare say that I
Elizabeth Burns
Am In Love
What is it when he fills your thoughts constantly
When you watch him
And you're just filled with such love in your heart
What is it
When you just love to see him speak about his family
You love when be gets a crinkle in his eyes
You love when he smirks at you
As you've made a fool of yourself
Trying to be romantic to run and kiss him goodbye
But you bump your head on his car door in doing so
You love him
You love the way he laughs
You love the way he holds you while you're dancing
Your skin is electric when he merely touches your shoulder
Every kiss he gives
Every hug
Every embrace
I love him on his bad days
I love his cracks, his heartache
I love his good days
I love every part of him
I dare say...
This is love
I have many more coincidences to tell
But just for now
I will say
I am in love
And perhaps some will say
Too young.

Maybe we'll meet again.
And you'll be happy.
And I'll be happy.
But not together.
Never together.
We were toxic, baby,
And only we knew
But yet we never said
We knew it
But we were silent

No one sees behind
Those pasted smiles

No one sees the tears
No one sees the screaming
No one sees the fear

Nobody knows how bad it was

Because baby, we had smiles
Pasted to our faces

Maybe we meet again
But I hope not anytime soon
Because you and I
Together
It's some toxic chemistry baby

God, I'm overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by the beauty I see before my eyes
And I believe
God, I believe
And wonder how one can look at such beauty
And not see Your Glory.

I see the clouds slow dancing in the skies
I see the stars winking their eyes
I see the lovers dancing on the stars.
With no fear.
Oh, no fear at all

And I hear the silence of this bizarre night
I am in awe
Of this beauty
Of this work of art
And I sigh
Because if I was an artist
I would paint the skies every night
To keep this beauty with me

As now the clouds have scurried by. Tenderly staring down
Scribbling on my sights
As nigh
Resides
And I see the moon
Oh, I see her shining bright
She is at peace
So quiet
So silent
With all her might
She stares down at me
I, such a small insignificant being
And wanders at
What I've become
What I hope to be
Perhaps
That's all I seek
To be reassured
That whatever will be will be

Somehow she calms
My stirring thoughts
My troubled mind
My heart filled with wrought
And she says
Be still, my love
All will be better
Your sighs will end
And your heart will be full again

But, God, I can't help being overwhelmed
By the transcending beauty
Before my meek eyes
And I wander
When will this beauty suffice?

I lay my heart before your feet
So trusting
Unwary
Not a single fear
I gave you my dreams
I gave you all I had to give
I gave you all of me
I gave you the option to either tread
Or leave me be
And love every gritty part of me
and treat me with care...

But, you cast away
All trust I had in you
You betrayed me
And you tread on my dreams,
Not softly
But with force and
Intent
To hurt
Me
Such an innocent being.

Oh, "tread softly because you tread on my dreams"
But you decided not to
You decided to
Tread
On my dreams.

Thank you
Thank you for poetry
Thank you for reawakening me
Thank you for loving me for a short while
Thank you for helping me to write again
Thank you for helping me fall in love with my soul and the words that flow from my fingertips
Thank you for reciting what I've written back to me in that intriguing, captivating voice of yours
Thank you for coming into my life
But, most of all, thank you for HP
Thank you, [Art].

Although you are gone
I will never forget what you have brought into my life
Thank you for allowing me to meet beautiful people
Thank you for this beauty in my heart
From HP
Thank you, HP
Thank you

I do think of you fondly from time to time, my dear
Your broken heart is etched into my heart...
A piece of me will always feel something towards you
Perhaps it is a silent hatred or a soft fondness...
The betrayal will never leave
But a small intricate part of me
Will always feel some emotion for you
And I pray to God you know that
My sweet Art,
You were my very first...
I'm not quite sure what to call what we were, Art
But we were certainly something grand
I could never call you a friend
Perhaps a self-discovery partner in crime?
Your persuasive art of making me fall in love with poetry and passion...
Your poetry carved into my soul.
Today marks the day we met
One year ago
When my soul was brought back to life
By your sweet, subtle touch...
Know this and know it well
I will always feel something for you, my sweet Art.

Do you ever feel so hurt
That you're so afraid
To ever open your heart to anyone
Ever again
You can't give yourself away again
You can't
You can do it when you're intoxicated
And life is a breeze
And maybe *** isn't such a bad idea
But then he wants more
And you're afraid
You're afraid he's going to break you
You're afraid to give your heart away again
You need to mend still...
It's been two months but you still need to heal
You need time, you think
But what if years go by and you're still afraid to love again?
What if you can never give yourself away again...
What if you're so afraid...
You opened up to him
And he broke you
Every single day of that **** year
He broke you down
And he wore at your soul daily
He took away your charisma
And lust for life
He made you lust for his body
He made you into an object of ***
That he abused
That he had not a single Care for
He hated you
He loathed you
He would call you worthless after he promised he would heal your heart and take care of it
He promised a 1 Corinthians 13 type of love
O God...he promised
And he lied
And he's made me afraid to ever trust any man again with my heart
Oh baby girl, he broke you
And you are still mending
You will be that phoenix and you will rise up again.
Oh but God it hurts
And I still can't forgive him
I can't forgive him for taking a year
For kissing her lips
With his coffee laced perfect lips that would grace mine ever so easily...
I can't forgive him
For lying about where his body had been just before my fingers caressed and tried to please every need he had
O God what was so wrong with me?
What was wrong?
Could i not please him?
Was I not good enough
Was I so horrible
Were my insecurities too much for him
Well he had pronounced that my insecurities would be the downfall of our relationship
O God, surely my jealousy had reason after I hear all he had done behind my back
When he kissed my lips softly and whispered
"trust me baby"
And I crumbled to the floor
O God...
Help me
I don't know if I can ever trust again after this
Heal me
And make me Your Daughter again...

Two broken hearts
We sit
We stare through
The broken windows
In these bleeding hearts
We sing
With great urgency
With hurt in our eyes
With aching
I look to her
And know that her heart
Seems
As if it will never be repaired
But, my darling, it will
I promise
But for now,
As we sit in our melancholy
My heart is torn
My beating has shifted
And struck
Something
My heart is broken for you, dear
And it yearns to fix yours
But,
We will sit in this
In this hurt
With our two broken hearts..
Just for a bit

And that night
That wondrous, victorious night
We betrayed our morals
And we drank
Without an ounce of fear in our eyes
We laughed
And allowed the hazy liquid to
Smother our lips
Our lips quivered and shook
From its great immensity
Its strength and valour
As if this bottle was a knight
In a ****** battle
Addict
To the smell of blood
His vigorous effort to defeat the enemy...
Sober, the enemy
Was defeated before the night turned
Pitch black with whispers
Of pale yellow light

And we drove off...
Slowly into the night
As her sheer darkness kissed us

We laughed
The car shook from side to side
Like maniacs we drove

The sound of screaming brakes
I caught my breath
And we stopped
Our eyes bewildered
At the monstrous truck...
Bright terrible lights
That shined...

On our terrified faces
Of what could've been
Death on this road
On the tar pavement...

What could've been
But what was not

We were alive
Breathing heavily
Hearts dropped to the ground
With defeat

Defeated by the idea of life itself...

And our tongues rapidly swept the land
Of this new self discovery
Of a life that must be lived
Of a life
That begs and pleads
For us to live
To breathe
To have a story to tell from each day
To live fully
And effervescently

I say
Live.

He didn't make you happy
Scream it at the top
Of your lungs
He never made you happy
Stop missing him

Why do
I
Always
Get
Abused
What is wrong with me