I don't know if you and I can make each other happy
I don't know how we're going to make this work
I don't
And my blue eyes are lost
In this misery
I can't
I don't know what to do anymore
I'm lost baby
I'm so lost

The cancer card

You know what
Some people are vile
Some people are truly disgusting

I have cancer
And don't you dare
Don't you even dare say
That I am playing some kind of "card"
The cancer card as you call it

Cancer
You have no idea what's it's like to have cancer
You have no idea
Cancer comes in
With her stiletto heels
And bright gleaming eyes
Filled with intrigue at your
"normal life"
And cigarette breath
She changes your entire life in
One day
Actually, one second

When the doctor says
You may have leukemia
And tears start to bundle at your eyes
You heart screams
"no no no no no"
And you go for the blood tests
And you pray to God his assumption is
wrong
You cry all night
You don't sleep
You toss and you turn
And your best friend holds you and cries
And the next day
You find out you have cancer
You're going to have chemotherapy straight away
You're going to lose all you hair
Life is going to be hard for you now
You have cancer

Cancer isn't some joke
It isn't some card
It's not a game of snap
Or any card game
It isn't a card I play
And when I win
I win sympathy
No no no
Cancer is real
And scary
And it doesn't like to be
Ignored

Blood moon
Your beauty reigns tonight
It's silent
Quiet
And Mars sits beside you
Watching in awe at this sight
Magnificence before my eyes
Oh God
You created such beauty
Why
For us who sin
Ever so casually
Without a care
You gave so much
Blood moon
Like the blood shed for us
How can we see such Magnificence and not believe in your love
Or the power of your blood
Blood moon
It's pitch black around me
But I know your love
And red blood
Surrounds and covers my heart

My Love,

I want you to know something

I loved you. I loved you with all I was.

Everything we did...
It was never lust for me... For me, it was love.
I would have never done those things unless it was love.
I did them out of sacrificial love. I enjoyed it, but it was never ****** for me. I loved you.
I did them because I loved you and I thought you were going to be my forever. I honestly thought I was going to marry you
As you always proclaimed

"My love. My life. My future. My wife."

Guess that was just another one of your lies.

I am trying to learn how to love you again
Although I know it to be true in my heart
I can not put my deep emotions into play
As an actress on the stage

Help me to love you tenderly
Guide me as to how I should hold your heart
In my palm? At the tip of my fingers?
Do I caress it with sweet lips and a silent kiss?

Show me how to love you
Without haste
With a shuddering embrace
I am in your sweet maze

Of solitude
It was once
Yet now I am here
And I feel home

Like a place I have searched for all eternity
I have found my sweet sanity
The place I have longed for
My Haven, my home in your heart...

But, dear, show me how to love you
I want to take your fears away
Show me how I should....
Take me to your maze

As I get lost
In your love
And learn how to give you
My embrace .

I miss
             my ex
At least

the abuse
             was
        less

Gullibly, I gave you my heart.
Willingly, I gave you my very last breath
I allowed you to come into my world and view my filthy heart on display
Freely for your eyes to wander at
And examine
And I, yet I,
With my trodden heart,
Beg for your mercy
As I give you the very last piece of my soul.

I do not enjoy this
This cracked, mutilated heart of mine
I feel defiled
By humanity
By death
By cruelty
By the harsh truth of man
I am merely a child
I was once effervescent
And excitement bubbled through my spine
Yet now
I am struck with tears
An infinite tug at my eyelids
Ready for the tears to spill out
Of this dead Sea that floods my soul
I have no words
I have been mutilated
I have been defiled
I am deranged
By humanity
And their pull at my soul
The pressure of their rocks
On my navel
Is too great
And soon...
The blood will spill
And my heart's dreams
Will die
A fatal death.

And you wrote...
You wrote about something...

If you are out there!

If you see this

Because I see you
I see YOU
And I can never stop loving you

Tell me now
Tell me
Scream out to me

Because I miss you

I don't know what to do
My heart is aching
Someone help me
Take this pain away please

My heart
Your shattered pieces
Lie idly on the floor
Tears in every gap
Wet
Gasping
You cry
You lie there
Your heart wrenched out
Deafened by the screams inside your soul
Cry, baby girl
For days and days
You cry
God, I can't
I can't take it any longer
I can't
I need a hero
I need someone to mend me
I can't take this broken feeling anymore
Somebody save me
Anybody
Please

Is there
Something wrong with me?
Why is it so easy
To fall out of love
With me?

Today I am hurting
I am hurting inside
With a pain I cannot bear.
And I am tired.
I am so tired
Of missing you
Of holding those sweet memories close to my heart
Because you have hurt me so
And I hate that I have
This desire
To cry.
To shed tears
For no apparent reason
Just because of this aching
Inside my heart
From a place where you used to dwell in me
From this place I made perfect just for you
How I miss
My eyes that smiled
Just from hearing your steady, unwavering voice
And I know, I was wrong...
I was wrong to put you on such a high pedestal
I heard the voice in the back of my head
Pleading me not to give you such reverence
Giving you a secret place in my heart
That belonged to Another
So much more worthy
I know I wasn't supposed to
Hold so much respect for you
And so much
Love?
Could one even call it love?

I know now that I was wrong.

But today,
Today
My heart is aching
I am forlorn
I am empty
Without you
Because the me that I saw in you is still the me I long to be
I miss her smiling eyes
And charisma
And change of thoughts because of you
I ache
I yearn
And today I am hurting
Because I miss you.

Eyes, you are worn
And heart, you have stumbled
You need rest, my dear one
You need love and hope
And something to believe in
Hush, my sweet
Soon your dreams will come to life

I wonder what you do with your evenings now
You must feel so free
You don't have me to pester you
You can game
Without me moaning
Or are you lonely
Do you miss me
Do you ever think of me
Do you ever want me back
Do you ever think about the way I could turn you on
With just a kiss
Do you ever think of the way I touched you
Do you ever think about the way you touched me
Do you think of the way my eyes lit up when I saw you
Do you ever miss me
Or do you fill the void with...
Your old friend
**** yes?
I asked you to stop watching
And you did
And you deleted those photos
Because it made me uncomfortable
I guess all is back to what it was
You find comfort in that now
Guess you don't need me anymore
You can mend your loneliness
With physical delight
I, on the other hand,
Am struggling
Without you

How dare I?
How dare I live this morbid life for even just a dull second?
How do I rectify my actions?
How can I justify what I have done...

"Living living living"
"Moving moving moving"

But never actually living

I was breathing
Breathing in nothingness
A polluted wasteful breath I had
Because it was a life that was encompassed with doubt
A life that was spent without You in its presence

Oh what have I done?

This is My plea to You

I have slipped away from you
I have allowed myself to drown under their words
And I thought I was breathing
But I was mistaken by the air that had escaped from me

However now
I rise
With gasping breaths
And panting
With Your life in me
my Prince living in my soul

It was if an oracle had come upon me
And I was struck with ideologies and truths
That I could have never imagined would speak truth

I have succumbed to This life
Without You
Without Your Life living in me
I have become so distracted that I have forgotten my deep love for You
Your power that surges through me
That brings an electric current that will not resist its flow

Oh God
My Beloved Prince
You
Who wore the cross and held
my burden on your shoulders
You wore the crown
Made of the rose's one fault
For me
For my disgusting and filthy heart


You fought

For me?


I am merely a weak simple being
And you love every part of me...

I have lived a dull life
A morbid life
And I say how dare I
How dare I...
Live without you.

Words.
Their immense power that no individual will truly understand.
Your words that linger
That tread my peaceful thoughts
That wreck my numb heart
That pulsate through me.
Words.
Your words
Laced into me
So strategically
And eloquently as you do
Words
The power of a single sentence that penetrates through me
Words
The words you said
The words that stay behind
The words that will never leave my troubled mind.

A week ago
I was lost and afraid
Scared of the word cancer
Leukemia uttered into the air
That this is my life now

Crazy how life can change from one word

Now
I have Faith
I am trusting God
This is my journey back into His arms
This is me realising my name is engraved in the Palm of His Hand
And God has a purpose
He is a good Father
Who does not abandon his children
I am carrying faith in Him
I am staying positive
Because God has got this
God is in complete control
And I trust Him
With this diagnosis

I wake up
Slowly
And I peak out
Into the pale pink light
Outlining the buildings outside my window
I look out at God's work
Bewildered by its glory
And then
Ever so quickly
I drift off back to sleep
After basking in His beauty

Just to know that he loves me
And that everything is going to be okay
That's all I need

You told me you fake confidence
Just how you faked loving me

I'm thankful for all those who have touched my life
Those who have loved me
Those who have left me
And those who have broken me
Because at some point, I loved you
And you made my life better
Damian, you made me realize I love red
And you made writing integral in my life
You reminded me I could make a difference
You... You made me laugh for a while and you made me happy
We had good memories
I'm thankful for you
I don't want to hate you
I want to see the good in you

Don't ever tell me that I'm
'too young' to be in love
I'm eighteen
I know what's left and right
I've been around the block a few times
I've read enough romance novels
I've watched my fair share of clichés
And I do dare say that I
Elizabeth Burns
Am In Love
What is it when he fills your thoughts constantly
When you watch him
And you're just filled with such love in your heart
What is it
When you just love to see him speak about his family
You love when be gets a crinkle in his eyes
You love when he smirks at you
As you've made a fool of yourself
Trying to be romantic to run and kiss him goodbye
But you bump your head on his car door in doing so
You love him
You love the way he laughs
You love the way he holds you while you're dancing
Your skin is electric when he merely touches your shoulder
Every kiss he gives
Every hug
Every embrace
I love him on his bad days
I love his cracks, his heartache
I love his good days
I love every part of him
I dare say...
This is love
I have many more coincidences to tell
But just for now
I will say
I am in love
And perhaps some will say
Too young.

I miss you
God
I miss him so much
Am I really such a ***** up

I think of the letters
You wrote to New York
Of the women you gazed upon
And how you wished for them to be yours
How you wrote of leaving me
Forever
The things you'd say to me...
How you constantly broke me down
How you made me cry weekly
How unhappy you made me
How scared I was of our future together one day
I was afraid of you
Afraid of your hand to my cheek
Of you love of alcohol
I was so afraid of you
So under your control
you said I was controlling
Yet you have no idea
How you ruled over me
How afraid I was
Of your moods
Of your words...
I don't want to see you, Elizabeth.
You *****
You manipulative girl
Selfish
Immature
Girl
Gosh I hated when you'd call me a girl
Derogatory
You broke me
You made me your little slave
I hate you
I worshipped you
And you gave me nothing in return
But lies and empty promises
And a broken heart
Afraid to love again

The sky, the sky!
It angered...
It hummed...
And the sky cracked open
With tears needed to be shed
By the people of my land
Their hearts are broken
And melancholy reigns...
But on this morn
The sky broke
The clouds screeched
And the earth cried
With triumph...

However now I hear the whispers of the sky
She no longer weeps
Her leaves rustled
And her heart pumped life into this earth

The sky, the sky!
The earth is awake.

Stop
Trying
To make it look
Like
Love
You're hurting yourself, baby girl

I salute you
You few
Who have the ability to follow your passions...
You few
Who do the dream
Who don't live morbid lives
You few...
The artists, painters, writers, musicians
You few
Who are allowed to touch
To feel
To embrace
Your dream
And I thought I could be her...
I have lost her...
And I miss her dearly

She had a dream.
A dream so big with a passion so on fire
She spoke of it proudly
She never gave a ****...
But then came along
The words
The persuasions
The sadists who told you no

However, as I sit here
I salute you
You few
Who are brave
Who achieve the dream
Who write for life
And do it with all your being
Please pray for me.
Please, I beg
I plead to you

Pray that I
may find
her
again...
And I may be
one of you...
You few.

Lord I come to You
Opening my heart to you
Filled with love
And a need for you
A need to dance with you again
Filled with a desire for you to
Let me praise you in Your Throne Room
A desire to be forgiven
For ignoring your voice
For being afraid of You
For not loving
For deliberately ignoring Your Voice
God forgive me for depending on a man
God I've been so hurt
So broken
And I am afraid of you
I am ashamed
I'm scared
.
.
.
.

Dear God
I am not afraid of You
You are My God
My Jesus
My King
My Savior
Who finds me in the floods of my sin
Flooding my heart and head
God you fill me with Your Love
With Your Glory
And you forgive
Your Blood covers me
And keeps me safe
God I am seeking Your word
I need to let go
Throw myself into Your  Love
Knowing that the war in my heart is over
Knowing that the identity that held me back is dead
I am no longer Constrained
I bask in your Glory
In Your Victory
In Your Love
No fear will surround my heart
For you are a mighty God
And the war is over
It is done
tetelestai
It is done
Let go
Let go
Let go
You are God
And You surround me

I am free in you

I thought
I should throw away those roses
You gave me
The dead ones
That I've kept for a year now
I thought it would be really empowering
Maybe I'd let go
But then I didn't throw them away
And they're still sitting in my room
Dead
Just like us

Solemnly
I sought out
To stretch
The last ounce of
Courage in my heart

I give you my all.

You leave me
With
Nothing
In my trembling hands.

I'm so drunk right now
You were the only thing that
Used to sober me up
Haha I remember our drunken first kiss
F###
I hate you
I want to text you
Say that I f###ing miss you
Oh God
Sober me up
Before I do something stupid
Or let me fall away to sleep
Drunken headache
Oh give me strength

Why did you do it
You ruined me today
You've blocked me completely
Except Instagram
And today you double tapped
On a picture of me
Which I knew you'd like
Because I have a high Pony tail
And gym clothes
A total turn on for you
And I can't seem to breathe
Just a "like" on social media
And now I'm a wreck
How do you have this effect on me
I hope you dream of me tonight
I hope you can't stop thinking about me
I hope
You come back

I do wonder
If I'll ever love someone
So fiercely again.
I loved you with all my heart
I loved every part of you
I loved every bitter piece of you
And I was willing
Willing to love those bitter pieces
Drenched with smoky still silences
Of your broken heart

I don't know if I will ever love again
So fiercely
With so much passion
Will I ever find a soul
Who whispers so in tune
To mine?

I'm so alone
I'm so tired
I miss you
I feel so scared
So anxious
Help me

I seek raw passion
And high romance
I seek a performance on the stage
That is no mere pretence
No, no
I seek me
I see her with no limitations
I seek her passion
And her fervent desire for knowledge and passion
God, what has happened to her?
I do not wish for flames and fury
And anguish and despair
Or vigorous words lashing into the air
No, no
I do not seek to succumb to this baffled nature of merely existing
******!
I want to be filled with a burning blaze
I want my voice to beam
And scream out to every ear that wants it to be heard
And even those who lack the desire to hear me
Will hear my mighty roar!
I will fly out and watch their meek faces
I will be filled with passion again
I wish to see her reflecting in that parallel universe
And breathe her breath of life again
She who believes in daisies and magic
And faery power
Of high romance
Who believed in being in love
So ardently and truly
She was blazing
She was purely beautiful
I seek to be her
I seek her blazing fire
I seek
Her Passion and Romance.

Your babbling mouth won't stop
You've hit a nerve
You won't stop

Breathe

Dear whoever

Please show him these letters

Sometimes I miss you baby
I miss your touch
I miss your arousal with my body
I miss your lips
But baby, that's it
I don't miss the screaming
I don't miss the weekly tears
I don't miss my heart constantly feeling broken
I don't miss you words breaking me down
I don't miss you
Yet, I miss the old you
The You who could ****** me
Ever so easily

You still torment me sometimes
You with your wry smile
And demon eyes...
Mouth of tales...
Man I despise
You keep me up
And you gnaw at my being
O God
Can't he just leave my mind?
Can he vanish?
And can the thirst I have
To see him one last **** time
Be quenched
Be put to rest
I don't need to see him
I scream
What is he doing
Is he okay
Is he with her
Questions run through my mind
God, i don't miss him
Not at all
But he was part of me for so long
He has a hold on me
I cling to him
At night when I have nothing else
He was my first
My first love
First kiss
First betrayal
First liar
First cheat
First heartbreak
First man to steal my innocence
And run
With no mercy
No shame
No regret
You have a hold on me
And you broke me
Broke me down
And cut me deeper
These wounds
They stay
And the pound
They've numbed
But every now and again
They burn like hell
And tonight it was one
Of those hell nights
Burn baby burn
I hate you
I truly do
Let go of me

Do you recall
That brilliant mind you had
That could conjure up
The greatest possibilities
The most inquisitive dreams
Delectable desires
Star struck
Streaming slowly
Stirring your mind
Whizzing by and waking up
To insanity
To havoc
To fame and fortune ruined by greed
Wonderful stories
Awe inspiring tales
Oh that brilliant mind
What happened to eloquent words
And still silence of the mind
Wide eyes
Whisk me away again

I hope you know
You'll always be known
As the guy
Who made his parents break up with me
Because you were a coward
People scoff at this story
Because it's unbelievable
Truly

I cried the day
When I met you
Because I couldn't believe God put you into my life
He put you into my life
When I was broken. When I had been beaten to a pulp
And burnt in the ashes
And God put you in my life
And you took me out
Oh, so elegantly, love
You twirled me around
And danced with me
You knew what melody to play my heart
You knew how to make her happy
And I cried
Because I had found sanity
I found inspiration
I was passionate about life again
Because of you

And now
I cry
I cry into my pillow
Tears that are searching
Begging
Pleading
For an answer from God
Pleading for him to answer the question
As to why He'd put such a gem in my life
If he knew you'd break me
If he knew you'd take my heart
And throw it to the ground
Without a care
However I hold on
Because you were my hero
When I felt like nothing
When I felt as if
I could never make a difference in the world.
And now, God, I ask you
Why do I cry
Why am I gasping for air
Pleading
Why
Why did you put this in my life
If you knew it would end in strife
Why am I on the floor
Crying
Begging
God, oh, God
Tonight I will cry
For my heart is sore
And I don't know who will bring the sword
For this girl
For this pathetic girl
Who too easily
Gave her heart.

I haven't been here in a while
It's musty
Old
A few cobwebs in sight...

Chained
I see her eyes
Empty and forlorn
She cowers
And screeches my name
Loud

"traitor"
"you left me here alone. To salvage for my self."

My eyes cast downwards...
I approach her
Her naked body bruised

She bites and lashes
Screams
Wails

Her body grey from time

I unchain her

She approaches me and straddles me

"I'm sorry" I whisper,
Tears on the verge of being spilt
Wait at my eyelids

And she stares
In wander
In anger
In peace.

I stare up at Myself
Quietly
And I weep.

Take me to Neverland
so I can fly
far, far away
from here...

From broken hearts
and dreams
that don't come true

Take me to infinite youth
and laughter
that never ceases

Take me
away
from here

This world can not take the pressure to maintain glory and happiness
So one must never believe that their bubble of absolute happy will last
For one only one can be happy
And so the other must be sad
One will never find two pieces of happiness in one place
There will always be a rise for one
And a fall for another
Perhaps you were at the epitome of happiness...
This, my friend, will not last
Sadness will hit
Your melancholy will Dwell inside you
And another will steal the happiness you prayed to keep
For this is the way of the world...
The Rise and The Fall.

You made me fall in love again...
You made me fall
in love
with
words,
phrases,
poetry,
passion...

Oh, how I miss you, love.

I don't think you understand
The extent to which you've damaged me
How insecure you've made me
This monster you've created
So afraid

You created this beast in me
And you left