scribbling through pain of
wrist and tensed forearms
brought bettered by repetition
thru peddled death of calves
and ruined bowels of pre-
cancered prostate. constant
film of excreted toxins and
another cigarette only suffo-
cates these already humid-
battered lungs. another trip
out of doors only brings
realization of the heat inside,
buried deep beneath time-
pressured skin. some heart
forcing beats even though
cells have hardened via emo-
tionally evolved polysaccha-
rides. perhaps times' gain of
addiction finds lack of release
of toxins, perhaps the devel-
opment of a superior being
detached. lies, and realized,
wholly-owned and flawed
chitin formed of prior life,
formed of shared chemicals
of plasma-like water shed.
and called abrupt ending,
and lack of self-perspective
found lead-in to ending the
reign of self. ending some
reign of I the Destroyer.

I hadn't come to the hospital since the last overdose of a friend that shooted whisky in his veins, in the bathroom of an old bar because of a heartbreak. I told the nurse to don't leave me, to be with me the whole time and that if she could light a cigarette for me, sure honey take a smoke, she said and rubbed my head softly like if my dreams where cotton pieces. The body. The night. The blood. Inside my body an invisible, warm hand was digging and took chunks of light and silence. A black hole was opening up through my bones and was filling them with blood and noise. Later a doctor came in and told me that the business was serious, told me to stay still, and asked me what was my blood group, I told him that I knew a little about blood groups, that if he wanted I could talk to him about rock groups, a little bit of Jimi Hendrix Experience, of Cream. No way, the business is serious, sayed the doctor, so I looked at the nurse and I wanted to be with her in a party dancing Spend The Night Together, I wanted to be with a glass of *****, I wanted to give her a kiss in the middle of her white teeth, I wanted to tell her Baby let's get out of here and make love in the beach, I wanted to be in her hands full of trees.

It is noontime, Senlin says. The sky is brilliant
Above a green and dreaming hill.
I lay my trowel down. The pool is cloudless,
The grass, the wall, the peach-tree, all are still.
It appears to me that I am one with these:
A hill, upon whose back are a wall and trees.
It is noontime: all seems still
Upon this green and flowering hill.
Yet suddenly out of nowhere in the sky,
A cloud comes whirling, and flings
A lazily coiled vortex of shade on the hill.
It crosses the hill, and a bird in the peach-tree sings.
Amazing! Is there a change?
The hill seems somehow strange.
It is noontime. And in the tree
The leaves are delicately disturbed
Where the bird descends invisibly.
It is noontime. And in the pool
The sky is blue and cool.
Yet suddenly out of nowhere,
Something flings itself at the hill,
Tears with claws at the earth,
Lunges and hisses and softly recoils,
Crashing against the green.
The peach-tree braces itself, the pool is frightened,
The grass-blades quiver, the bird is still;
The wall silently struggles against the sunlight;
A terror stiffens the hill.
The trees turn rigidly, to face
Something that circles with slow pace:
The blue pool seems to shrink
From something that slides above its brink.
What struggle is this, ferocious and still--
What war in sunlight on this hill?
What is it creeping to dart
Like a knife-blade at my heart?
It is noontime, Senlin says, and all is tranquil:
The brilliant sky burns over a greenbright earth.
The peach-tree dreams in the sun, the wall is contented.
A bird in the peach-leaves, moving from sun to shadow,
Phrases again his unremembering mirth,
His lazily beautiful, foolish, mechanical mirth.

Star light, star bright. First star I see tonight.
Are you close? Or are you far?
Are you even a star?
Have you been burning since the expansion began?
Or have you just begun your life span?
There are so many stars in the sky tonight.
But why, dear star, are you burning so bright?
Are you signaling any one for some sort of closure?
Is it just me... Or are you getting closer?

I look at this monster
One of your creation
Am I the only one
The lonely one
In this lonely nation

You bottled my sadness
Captured my tears in a glass
Held fears at bay
Brought a smile to my face
All my unhappiness had passed

Until that moment
My bliss had a limit
You stole my bar
And raised it
To beyond infinite

Before you I was a mess
I was pitiful
A runt in the litter
Unloved and insecure
Cast out and critical

Then you swooped me up
Never let me down
You cradled my hand
Warmed my heart
Your love was my angelic crown

I became soft
My hard shell melts
How was I to know
That you would send me
Straight to hell

It burns here now
Take me from this place
This pain kills me
I would die
If only I could feel your embrace

You take me to new highs
Send me crashing to new lows
So I love you from a distance
Safe and protected
In my cloak of shadows

You never fall out of love
But what I feel for you has changed
You abused my love
Tried to take yours back
So my feelings will never be the same

Cry for me
Lie to my face
Wither up and die without me
What I wanted you wouldn't give
So in this world I will find a new place

The perfect person
With love in your mind
and kindness in your heart
Always there for me at every turn
My love for you burns
Like a blistering inferno.
In my life you are to me
Nothing less than a ray of sunshine
shining brighter than any other.
I feel bad
for those who are sad
because i've found something
they don't have
Pure, sublime, mystical, happiness.
That will last an eternity,
so long as its spent with you.