He said:
“In the dark night of my soul
I stayed with my darkness.
When a pain struck voice
Came to me, I did not chase
My demons away.
Thinking of all, the suffering I’ve endured
I walked through the street of my past
Solemnly, soberly,
Witnessing all my experiences again.
Before me, light reflected on the pavement –
Iridescent fragments joined to form
Pictures below my feet.
Stories from my childhood played
Like a movie on the ground,
I’m the star of my own show,
I’m powering through each scene
With such verocity I leave nothing
But ruins in my wake.
I reach to pick up the fragments
Of the life of a girl unhinged -
To think my own mind had led me to this.
I wipe the tears from my eyes,
Then, I pass on.

In the dark night of my soul
I stay with my darkness,
For it has so much to teach me
And I learn, so little, if I flee.

© Sia Jane

Tonight I’m playing snakes and ladders with my pleas.
My forefingers massage the temples on my forehead.
My eyes are shut tight; even the moon is too bright.
I’m bowing my head to the stars to hide the shame
covering my skin. Each shooting star highlighting
the scars you left on me. I’m begging the night please
let me go. I’m rubbing my eyes. I’m picking mascara
off my eyelashes. I’m pleading with my heart please
stop loving her. My hands move around my neck,
they’re choking me. It stops my heart. It stops my
heart beating for just a few moments. I gasp!
And then, it’s the grasping and grappling of my
finger tips digging into my collar bones.
I’m tightening my grip. I’m holding; I’m holding
so tight, I’m bruising my skin, and my finger nails
are piercing my skin. Now, I’m clawing.
There’s nothing left in me. Even my shoulders cave
in; my collar bones rungs on the ladder. My
grip loosens and I drop to my chest bones,
letting my feet rest on my ribs.
Tonight I am playing snakes and ladders with my pleas.
If I fall any further down the snake of my spine, my
only hope is gripping the vertebrae and climbing back up.


© Sia Jane

The night you got shot
I pushed your scrambled remains
like a sack of red meat
onto the deck of the chopper.

I wonder what it felt like,
those bullets tearing through you?

It must have been quick,
but what is quick to the dead?

It's forty-three years later
and I am sixty-four
but you will always be nineteen.

Which of us was lucky?

Last night you appeared in a dream
all shot to pieces and gave me
an enormous, important hint
about my future which I forgot
as soon as I woke up.

Believe me, buddy, you haven't
missed much. The world is still all
****** up and don't mean nothing.

No one has learned a single ****** thing.

Would you have had a good life?
A happy life? A successful life.
All pretty much moot.

But at least, you would
have had a life.

I'm wrapped around your pillow
my bare skin a magnet
to your presence - even
               your smile must suffice
the one you left this afternoon
as I breathe you in  - your scent
  is the Braille I use to read
your heart
my eyes remain closed
my thoughts only deepened
by the pictures my soul paints
   in your absence
the soft curves of the pillow
I imagine to be your body, and
I fold myself into you
our bodies fit, missing links of self
marry each others souls
and I have to believe we
must have been parted when
the Big Bang pulled everything away
from themselves -
we're both fragments of God's Universe
we're stardust particles with
       a gravitational pull, always
insisting we're to be drawn
                     together
our bodies morph into one another
pieces of the same picture
the force stuns me - vertigo
we're no different than boomerangs
crashing back into each others lives
  every time
               we part.


© Sia Jane

If you would chase her
     to the ends of the earth
climb ladders in to the sky
  jump on to clouds that
                            ascended
  just to follow the light
                 of a thousand stars
and rest on the moon
         to counter
                  the light years you
        pursue, racing to catch up
if you would wrap yourself
         around this infinite
                   Universe
  just to say: I love you
make sure, she's the one
   to say: I love you back.


© Sia Jane

I saw my world expand
the day I looked
in to those
eyes and
loved
seeing your eyes tell me
that all you knew
was to only
now love
me
kissing me hard as I'm
lay naked in your
arms & trusting
all you
said
when you whisper to me
our love is eternal
& nothing will
ever break
us
how beautiful the universe is
to bring us together
as stardust souls
now as
one                            

 © Sia Jane

i like that my bloodlines
run like your bloodlines
like the salty sea spray
you exhale when you
dream at night

i slipped so comfortably
into your world. god, i
would have let you drown
me if you had needed
my breath for yourself.