My sleepy eyes search for hers,
as my arm reaches across the empty bed
and I find the pillow still indented from her pretty head.

A hollowness instantly makes my stomach tight,
afraid she's gone without any goodbye,
without her cuddles, I would die.

In this moment I hate the white of the sheets
no longer stained with shadows of her bodies curve,
the sun even shining displays its nerve.

Footsteps in the hall give my heart a start,
the door swings slowly open and a smile forms
as her lips part.

My arms reach out, my lips don't move,
from her throat soft giggles rise
and I feel her light touch my sleepy eyes.

The crisp air sends goosebumps to cover my body,
as she pulls off the blanket to get back into bed,
I pull her in close and turn blue into red.

I found strength
in all the pain that you caused.

For a second I understood what it felt like to be a drum
with an empty center that reverberated every time it was hit
just so everyone else could enjoy the music.

But now I see the drum for all that it is
it is not just emptiness
it creates that sound
it moves people
it evokes emotion

I am the drum
I am the whole drum
I am not defined by the emptiness
pounding me no longer wounds me
now I can listen to the music
now I am strong.

death would erase all the pain from my face
that is hidden under a mask by day
and revealed  in the mirror at night when i cry

put out my light
put out my light
as Othello did to Desdemona
no crimson painted on porcelain skin
from false betrayal found within.

put out my light
put out my light
allow my body to sink in the deep
my skin will shimmer under pulsing tide
only a ghost, my guiltless soul has died.

put out my light
put out my light

This skin is alive,
but I wish it were rotting
beneath the soil,
roots forming between
my rib cage,
rain draining the blood
from my veins,
birds stealing hair for
their chickadees pillows,
insects burrowing behind
old kneecaps.

*This life has no meaning so I give my life to those who could use it.

Fallen steps,
a fallen angel,
broken wings,
loss of self,
tired eyes,
pulsing heart,
needy limbs,
emptiness.

Lost,
where is home?