i gave you 59 stars,
and you all but threw
them away.

each with a meaning,
an inscription,
if you will.

a dozen red, red
roses.

a few dozen tears down my
cheeks.

a few moments of doubt on your
part.

minds plague the heart,
but you're not supposed
to logically love.

what does it mean?
it doesn't exist.

so please,
come back to me.

let us revert to
the way we were.

i'm terribly destroyed,
i am a mess.

i am no longer me,
and you are no longer mine.

xoxo

i feel stuck
you tell me things
that break my heart.

i reach towards an
old, unwelcome, unfriendly,
habit.

she eats me alive,
begs me to come back to her,
like a siren calling my name at sea.

i'm a little destroyed
by what you told me last night,
when we were alone.

all i want is you,
and you don't want me
anymore.

because we're different.

well, she's tugging at my will,
dragging pieces of my mind
down
   down
      down.

i'm stuck in this hell,
here in my mind,
but its a reality for me.

i hide it well,
but how long                 up?
can i keep the walls

she wants to reunite us,
she urges me to drag
the edge across my skin.

she tells me, 'it will help',
'you will forget about
everything'.

i didn't.
and i'm still here.
in more pain than before.

she was a good distraction
while she lasted...


xoxo

i'm free
and fit
as a lovely golden beam of
sun.

i'm fresh
and clean
as if i was scrubbed of unwanted
layers.

i'm joyous
and elated
as a child learning how to
walk.

i'm enamored
and entranced
waiting for a chance to show
my love.

you're got me spellbound
and i don't mind, love
because i'm stuck on you.

you've got me looking forward
to a future i never thought i'd have

with you by my side,
anything is possible
and i feel whole again

the way i haven't
since innocence was stolen
ripped right out from under
my own two feet
i was still left standing,
but shattered in a million pieces.

it took ten years to
glue the fractured pieces
back together.

a puzzle only you could figure,
so i suppose
that is why
i'm stuck on you.



i love you.

xoxo

i say a lot of things
that i regret.

telling another being
to **** themselves
is indeed one of those things.

we say things in haste,
and don't always
mean the things we say.

if you talk a certain way to me,
a certain way to my loved ones,
well you deserve me
being a *****.

i may be naturally that way,
but it doesn't mean everyone deserves it.

i know a million who don't.

she's one.
you're not.

so fall down a well.


xoxoxo

sincerely,
****** and adrenaline-filled.

'Good morning, love'*
you whisper,
your breath husky
from slumber.

you roll over, half sleeping
expecting your hand
to make contact
against my warm flesh.

i would give anything
to be in your arms every night,
to wake up next to you
every morning.

If I could have,
anybody in the world,
it would still be you.

xoxoxo

if i were to perish,
would your mind flit
with peril in the news?

if i died today,
would it be your loss?

would you acknowledge
that my soul
no longer exists in this
dreadful world?

if you knew that
you'd never see my face again,
would you shed a tear?

i don't know the answers,
but i do know this feeling,
quite well if i'm being honest.

if i told you the way i feel,
would you say, "me too"
or would you walk away,
and never would thoughts of me,
dance across your mind?

if i told you i hate her,
would you come back to me?

you can't even look me in the eyes.
not around her, not around anybody else.

Can we please have those moments back,
when you'd meet my eye
and smile?

I miss those moments,
when you talk to me,
and i laugh at your jokes.

Everything seemed great.

now this feeling settled in,
and now i'm missing you.
what was.
and how you were.

on the inside,
wishing, wanting, yearning,
to be on the outside with you.

he stares at me,
i turn to you,
you smile when you see.

i watch the surface,
seeing you and her.

i glance at you,
she imitates.

she is me.
every last bit of me.

she is the pieces
that i dropped
when i shattered.

she's everything i'm not,
anymore.
she my other half,
and i can't fix her.


xoxo