don't touch me
i'm scared of what will happen
if i forget to not feel

and if you get too close
and you pull away
i'm scared that i'll finally break

im sorry im too clingy
im sorry im too touchy
im sorry im too loud
im sorry you always need to help me

im sorry i relapsed
i really did try
i know im annoying
i should just ******* die

youre better off without me
i think we both know that its true
i dont get
why i keep hurting you

don’t
 touch me.
not because
  i break,
but because
  i forget
    where i end.


your hand
  doesn’t hurt.
but it
    shifts
  the lines
    between skin
      and silence.


i want
 to be
  held,
    but not taken.

i want
     the warmth
      without the aftersound.


when you
  touch,
    i disappear
      into the outline
        of your want.


i reach back
  not to stop
    but to
      delay.

to fold
  the moment
    before it
      becomes
        mine.


touch me
  but only
    as question.

never
  as name.


—

i tried so hard
please forgive me mom
im sorry

im
so
so
sorry

it happened again
the bathroom floor is covered in blood
mom help
i'm stuck in my nightmare
how do i get out?

what an ugly person.
they look so stupid.
it makes me angry.
i want to **** them.
why do they still live?
they don't deserve to.
i punch them,
and the mirror shatters,
the shards lined with blood.