yelling
screaming
numb
numb
numb
the thread broke
now its not the voices telling me to
**** myself
its

me

silent wounds
and invisible screams
running
from the existence of
nothing
but then
turning around
because the
invisible wounds
and silent screams
from the absence
of everything
capture attention

help me
please
                          i'm
              s p i r a l i n g
        
         down the rabbit hole
                                           but now
                              alice is gone
         all that's left
                   is the

                            mad hatter

music
fills my world with light,
dancing to Cavetown in my room,
letting the happiness fill me up
like nectar
falling asleep to Madilyn Mei,
listening
until the world goes quiet,
a rare moment of pure joy
despite the cloudy uncertainty of the world,
i exist only for myself in that moment

loud
the world invades
until
i die
but no
"false alarm"
my mind says
like i didn't just lie on the floor
clutching my ears
in pain
hurting so much
   d
y
      i
  n
        g
until i feel like a ghost
in the shell of a person
lost
caves
tunnels
offices
hallways
lockers
and i can't return
to the shell of me
just watching from above.

scissors
dark
red
marks
help
get me out
i need to leave
this house
the sharpener
calls
as the walls
fall

the voices are never quiet
the sound creeps under doorways
and through keyholes
until it's everywhere
and there is no escape
from the endless noise
****** yelling
silent whispers
bombs and
knives sharpening
infiltrating
penetrating
perforating
until it's all you hear
until it becomes all i am
until it becomes all i know
until the voices and i
are alone together
always