I woke up in a pool of my own blood
Stood out of bed with shaking legs
Felt it drip down my thighs
Made it to the bathroom
Threw up twice &
Cried
And I cried
And I cried
And I was cold
For an hour or so
Then I sweat until
I couldn't catch my breath
And I sweat
And I sweat
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
For the nightmares that would follow
Swore I wouldn't blame you for the pain
But you didn't sit at the edge of my bed
You didn't sing me to sleep
When I needed it most
I walked outside
Once I felt strong enough to move
I contemplated getting in my car
I wanted to make it to the hospital
But I knew part of me didn't want to make it
Out alive
So I sat down
On a lawn chair
And lit a cigarette
I pulled my knees up to my chest
To avoid the shattered wine glasses
Below my feet
The wind blew lightly
Rocked the water in the pool beside me
I wanted to dive in
But I knew part of me wouldn't want to
Swim back up
So I sat
On a lawn chair
With my knees up to my chest
For eight hours
And when the night swallowed the sky
I cried
And I cried
And you didn't sing me to sleep
You never do anymore
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
But it's getting harder to stay true
Knowing that a part of you
Died inside me
A part of you died inside me
I'm sorry
But the same part of you will be the death of me
I swear
And that's a promise I will keep
I'm sorry

103 years old
Empty
Like a camera
The most beautiful camera I've ever seen
She lost her memory card
If only I could find it
Somewhere in this rotting house
I'd love to pick through it
See the things she's seen
Who knows where she could've left that card
Maybe it burned in a fire
Blew up in a war
Fell apart at the hands of a lover
Got buried with the corpse of a friend
Who knows where that memory has gone
Who stole it
Or where she left it
If only she could tell us
I bet there's a lot she could show us
103 years old
And not a single memory left
How sad

fly into the clouds
along the wind and the birds
find her, my lover
she left me wounded, speechless
hope she can read your sweet words

And the prettiest I've ever felt
was when you had me on the floor
begging for your hand to scold me
Your punishment was something I adored.
You tied me up in ribbons,
and marked my skin with shades of blue
and they reminded me of my shadow
because I'd imagined it to be that color, too.
I'd traded in flowers
for ropes and chains
and I'd submit myself to daily beatings
just to feel pain.
I knew, if I was good this time-
I'd get a kiss or two.
You call me princess when you're done with me
and send me to my room.
I often stare out of the window,
and wonder
why I do what I do
but love is a funny thing,
and you haven't a clue
You don't know how to love me
because you believe
no one has loved you
but oh,
I do.

*I do.

Last night I prayed
Softly, peacefully, and still,
No strain, no grief, no disbelief,
No doubting of His will,

Last night I prayed
Softly for His strength,
Since I am weak.

Then with peace-of-mind
Worries and stress left behind
I quietly fell asleep.