All my life I've been strong.  
Today I want to be treated like a flower...
I'm feeling fragile and I just want you to hold me..

E.J.M.

Life is so far from being what I need.
But I won't let it go that way.
Too simple, concise..
And I'm caught up. Alone but caught up..
What is it that you want from me?
Does everybody just want everything?  
To give nothing?
My heart is ragged pieces... I did that ...
I let it get this far...
And everything I love put me there..
And you keep coming back.. that last time..
Is never the last...
And I can't walk away... I was never built like that.
Everything is ****** up... you scare me...
Yet I stay... and I reply when you show up.... why did it all have to go this way?

E.J.M.

I'm fascinated by the softness of you..
The fragility you posses. ..
The shyness makes me braver..
As I arch my hips against your face. ..
I want more. ..
I unclasp my bra... pressing further against you...
I need more...
More soft kisses...
I gave in to temptation. ..
Now I'm addicted to your face....
This will be worse for me. ...
far Worse....
But I forget that when I'm looking down at your eyes..  
As I watch you grow gills....

E.J.M.

I'm made of concrete....
Firm and unbreakable....
I hold up under pressure....
Take all the weight like concrete should....
Then you touch me and I shatter like the fragilest glass....
One touch of your mouth and I'm a million pieces....
How you can break me so easily...
I'm shimmery glittery shards in your hands
I come running to be with you anywhere. ..
Only to fall to bits of sparkling glass when I'm with you...
Touch me again...
as I shatter and fly apart...
I love it when you leave me breathless and shaking...

E.J.M.

You are the glue that holds me together...
The glue that I need when you say forever...
You hold me in your arms and make the world melt away...
Today we made plans for another day...
It's those plans and ideas that keep bad at bay...
I kiss your neck and imagine a time...
A time far away that we'll never be...
You're the glue that I need...

E.J.M.

Fervent kisses... ardent love... pressing against you urgently...
I love what you do to me...
This weakened state you take me too...
I tremble and want so much more...
I can't take much more...
Your sweat dripping into my eyes...
Eyes glazed over...
I love you above me...
Muscles rippling... the sinewy length of you against me...
Feather kisses on my shoulders. ..
My teeth on your ear...
Such grace and beauty in being with you..
The kiss on my head...
My nails gripping your shoulders...
Graceful entoxicating euphoria....

E.J.M.

It's those grey days where I need you the most...
The cloudy skies and bitter cold...
Make me think of you..
Are you working?  
Are you out in it wishing for the sun?
I worry of you wet in the rain...
These Grey days...
Where I wish to curl up with you...
You cross my mind more frequently in the rain
I remember once when we'd talk...
It was pouring on me..and sunny on you
When it's grey I wonder if it's grey for you too?

E.J.M.

I struggle daily with the decision to make others happy or myself happy. This may be the hardest decision I make daily

E.J.M.

Today I went to see you...
You told me to come by...
And I got away and drove there...
To where you were..
To where you told me you would be...
You were busy..
You were working as I watched the concrete pouring. ...
I knew you couldn't see me....
I sat and watched for a while...
My heart all a flutter ... butterflies rising up....
I finally traipsed across the mud around cars and work debris. ...
I wrote you a small letter....
I left it on your windshield. ...
Men in hard hats staring. ..
I walked to your car like I had every right. ...
I don't. ..
I have no rights when it comes to you...
I watched you work and I drove away ....
I was there like you asked...
I wanted so much for you to see me.

E.J.M.

Just hearing your voice makes my day...
That simple... hi baby
I smile at the sound of your voice....
The how are yous?
The I miss yous and love yous....
That conversation that we never have any more. ..
I miss these conversations....
i miss you...
how i wish i could awake to the sound of your voice. ..
instead I'll wait for the next time you call....
E.J.M.

My guarded heart...
tucked safely away...
perfectly where I intended it to stay...
I promised to never feel you...
I promised to never love you..
Yet one day you held my heart in your hands..
I didn't know how...
I'm still not sure why?
How could this happen?
I let you in despite my head...
And **** this is gonna hurt like hell...
My heart went reeling...
No one caught me as I fell..
I wish I'd lose all sense of feeling...
Now I'm left here bleeding...
with nothing but pieces...
and I still want you...

Thanks for breaking my heart....

E.J.M.

There are increments in which your heart breaks...

E.J.M.

you remind me of summer... Of the heat against my skin... Stifling hotness... The overwhelming sense of losing my breath... When I'm with you I can't breathe... I don't think about what we do... When you're gone there  are so many questions...I want to call but I can't... So many rules... Why can't we just be? Be who we are? and its summer and I think of you... And I miss you in the heat of the summer... its raining and I want to lay in bed all day with you but I never will...instead just snippets of you... And as I looked out over the woods I wait for you to arrive... To tell you all about my day and my week and maybe my month, depending on the frequency....heat lightning streaks across the sky but you won't see it...

E.J.M.

I'm lost and sad....
Sadly hanging on... I can only go one way... Yet there are so many choices....
I never knew life could be so hard...
And I just don't know anymore...
The what ifs... the absolute nots...these blend anymore....
Hope is the silent killer...
But without hope what do we have?

E.J.M.

hurt....
I'm still hurt, tho I hide it well...
I miss how we used to be...
The good morning beautifuls...
the 3 am wake up texts...
The constant connection...
You blamed me in this...
You put the failure of us, on me....
The weight of that blame when I know its a lie to save face...still hurts
You never loved me enough...
You knew that you'd never stay...
In the end.. I took that blame
Knowing it for what it is...
You knew I'd adore you anyway so you took that chance...
I still hurt when I think of those words...
They echo often in my head..
I can look at you and smile... the hurt won't show
I can love you and take that pain of knowing where we stand..
I was never enough for you...
But I am so much more
I smile and kiss your mouth despite this...
I just wanted you to know that it hurts...
That you burned me well this time around..
in your goal to be adored....

E.J.M.

I'm already gone....
You see me and beg me to stay...
I've never said I was leaving.....
I don't know what you need anymore....
We hang in this abyss....
We keep coming back...
After passing days turn into passing years...
We're still here...
Just like this...
And I could never love you less...
I've never been held so tight before. ..
And none of it matters..
Because I'm already gone...
And I no longer know what you need...

E J.M.

I think often what if?
In regards to you...
If I'd met you sooner...
If they didn't exist...
If I'd never stopped. .
If you'd never chased. ..
If I loved you less...
If you loved me more..
If I lived closer....
If I didn't gasp at the scrape of your teeth on my ear..
Would we still be?
Would we be more?
To love you this deep... the way that we are...
I can't imagine us any other way...
I can't imagine my life if you stay....
The what ifs don't matter when I touch your skin...
When you whisper my name I'm drawn in again

E.J.M.

Be careful who who share your soul with.
This exchange of feeling may scar you for life. .
For every soul you expose yourself to...
You carry pieces with you...
They become a part of who you are...
Be hesitant...

E.J.M.

I love hearing you say I love you...it makes my heart ache to be near you...every time you say it my world shatters...
everytime I'd say it back to you..please know that I mean it
I rarely have ever meant anything more then those words to you...

E.J.M.

Love isn't strong enough a word to describe how I feel for you..
I love more than you.   I more than love you...
You calm that aching in my soul..
Quiet those demons in my life...
Just your words alone...
And days and years and months with out you.. time doesn't matter anymore with us...
Loving you is so much more than love...

E J.M.

We are imperfection personified....
A meeting of catastrophic events...
A whirlwind of moments....
A cyclonic tidal wave...
Never to be
A once in a moment glance..
Yet we both took a chance...
You took my hand and said jump...
The longest crash I've ever had...
As I stand here before you exposed to my core
I continue to fall
how can someone who'll never be mine hold my soul in his hands?
the unasked questions go unanswered. ..
another day..another breathless moment
We are an explosion. ..
Your eyes catch mine and see me as I am
I continue to smolder....

E.J.M.

You're imprinted on me...
Heartbeat slamming into mine...
Beads of sweat fall on my cheeks...
I get so lost in your eyes...
I love you like this...
You staring at my eyes...
never breaking contact....
Your breath against my neck...
Your hands holding me...
I could just touch your skin for hours...
tracing little hearts across with my fingers...
I always shatter ....
flying into a million pieces that you collect...
and put back together. ..
I'm safest with you...
in your arms...
I'd follow you anywhere. ..
Trust given completely...
I just stare into those topaz eyes and hope to catch my breath....

E.J.M.

your body is a canvas...
The most beautifully painted art...
You've tattooed meaningful beauty all over it..
The words across your chest intrigue me...
And how you grieve for Mary..
the blackest ink and shades of grey...
the Love on your ribcage..
the Metal on your leg...
the roses across ..and Jesus
The colors & details  ...
all the reasons that make you who you are...
I love to trace them with my fingers...
Love the way they look imprinted on your body...
You're so ****...

E.J.M

The essence of your name ....
ignites inside me...

The way you grin....
Sets fireworks off within...

The beauty of your soul...
Burns me whole...

One touch of your skin...
I can't keep this inside me..

I literally glow when I catch sight of who you are.... I love the you that you hide

E.J.M.

Kissing you takes my breath away,  ******* it into you...breathing out as you breathe me in...if I could only kiss you everyday. ..
I've never wanted such a simple thing...
You invade me and I comply... tasting the essence of you...so safely taken...
I don't feel safe at all...
Just kisses... how i know they'll break my heart...

E.J.M.

Two years ...
How they've changed my life. ..
I love you more each time...

I still just want to know you better

E.J.M.

Aren't we all searching for that one person to know us?
Just one person to listen in this solidarity. ..
I just want to be heard without saying a word...
I want someone to know me ...
Who knew finding that connection could be so hard...

E.J.M.

I'm missing you today.  Who am I kidding?  I'm always missing you... it's a constant in my life. I'm not good at patience.  I never have been.  I try for you though.  For us. For the us that isn't really.  We are hitting our 3 year mark. Crazy to think that I've loved you this long. Just know that I always love you and think of you. I hope you do too.
I carry your heart in my heart.

E.J.M.

Silent memories scream the loudest...
Thoughts of you echo in my head...
Fluttering scraps of paper blown into the wind...
These are what we've made...
This is where we fall...
It's all exasperated....
To be one... but not all
Small splashes reverberate in the stillness...
The ripples expansion....
Each one larger than the next...
More subtle than the last...
We are all the small earth shattering moments...
The beauty between....

E.J.M.

The golden orb of sunrise as it breaks the horizon....
The new fragile sprouts on my plumeria...
The fuzzy baby peaches growing. ..
The sweltering heat of the day...

I think of you.....

As I shower with water beading off of me...
As I pass places we once were...
Another song on the radio. ..
As I make plans for the day...

I think of you....

The sunlight in my grey eyes...
The wind in my hair....
The untaken path...
The rustle of leaves....

I think of you....

The purpling sky...
The fiery setting sun....
The blackest nights....
Under a smattering of a million sparkling stars...

I think of you....

I share these with you in unspoken thoughts....
I ache for you in everything that I do...
The simplest of joys...
Unable to be....

I think of you.....

E.J.M.

The darkness of my life...
The day to day bs....
wow..... overwhelming
Love knowing that the person I built my life with could leave in the blink of an eye....
We stand divided... I guess....
Glad I work so hard. . For what?
Us?
Our life?
Sides taken.... I still pay all of the bills...
House rules...
Keep talking.....

E.J.M.

Life changes. ..
Life changes you and I....
The hardness of your body has softened. ..
Your earrings are gone....
There's more pepper in your hair...
More lines around your eyes...
Another job...
But you still have her...
And years ago I had hope...
of something else. ..
I'm softer...
and smarter...
and harder now...
we've changed yet remained the same...
Life changes us...
we are still here in our place despite the changes...
and I still lose my breath when I see you...

E.J.M.

Your lips taste like fire... they consume me greedily. ..
In bliss I lay before you... absorbing the sight of you above me...
I've never felt so powerless yet powerful at the same time...
Our eyes meet urgently...
Shallow breaths, hungrily devour....
faulty skin, and breath and tears
In the end I'm powerless...

E.J.M.

I fell in love as you fall asleep. ..
Slowly and then all at once. ..

John green

And all that looking for you....and there you were.
Just as you've always been.
And my gut clenched.. and my heart dropped....
and you waited.
You chased me again....
Against my better judgment, I stopped
How could I not?
The one thing that I've wanted most for 4 **** months.......
Hugging you completely undid me...
All that hurt and loss, overwhelmingly hit me and
I couldn't stop......

E.J.M.

Life changes are coming....
Yours never does...
Loving a lie and continually doing so....
You say you don't want to lose me...
I'm Already lost...
All the space I'll have now and you won't be around....
What's there to lose?
You want to keep me forever?
I'll love you always but things will change because you remain the same...
One day someone else will put me first as you are incapable of doing....
And I will be lost....
And you will be the same....living a lie and loving her....

E J.M.

I never want to lose you..
for weeks I worried that you would just disappear..
that you would be gone without a trace..
that maybe I imagined you..
This beautiful person who made my heart smile..
Then I feared that you would stay..
as my heart fell in love with a person that I can never have...
I wanted to bandaid my heart in the preparation of your leaving..
just rip you out and pretend that we never happened...
I never did...I couldn't bring myself the unknown..
I just stayed....
And then you were gone...with a snap of her fingers...
I floundered...
I became so angry and hurt
this aching hole where my heart had been..
yet I continued to love you..
as days turned into months the aching lessened...
I pushed past and pretended..
I told myself never again...
yet you stopped me...
As I stood there staring in your eyes I knew it'd never be over...
I took your words and held them in my hands...
letting them fall to the ground...
like good luck pennies..
that's all they are ever worth in the end..
You convinced me to stay with the smile and lies..
I still never want to lose you

E.J.M

I am lost with you...
I find so many directions with you..
and never know which to choose...
I watch your eyes light up...
the smile that breaks across your face when you see me...
I'm lost here... lost with you in this time and space..
watching the light filter through the trees...
the tepid breeze that catches my hair...
I'm completely lost...
watching the grasshoppers frolic from brush to brush...
the crickets trilling in the trees...
pricking my hands on sandspurs...
I'm lost here in this place I know from memory...
Lost here with you....
always waiting for you...

E.J.M.

I Love you... And That Will Have To Be enough...

E.J.M.

You say you never want to leave....
So don't

E.J.M.

I made a decision....
Not a good one. .. but mine to make. .
I fell in love with an addict. .
Someone that could never love me enough because there will always be ******...
I can make you smile. .
Hold you close. .
Kiss your face. ..
But I'll never get you out of this place. ..
All these plans we made. ..
Manatee kisses, arm licks,  t virus swapping. ...
Was it you?
Was it ever you? Those happy moments together?
How can you live in the dark?  
Shooting up In a bathroom?  Alone...
I wanted to save you. ..
You didn't tell me....
I didn't know it would hurt this way. ...
To save someone that would rather have a needle in their vein...
I never could give you that euphoricness..
I loved loving you....
Those good moments catch me up...
You said I saved you.... I never did
You've chosen that high over and over again. ..

E.J.M.

I wish I loved you less.
That you weren't burned in my heart....
You are the only thing I can't say no to..
I'm drowning here in us...
I felt fear today...
Intense fear, heart pounding flight inducing fear...
If I'd loved you less it wouldn't have been felt. .. but then again I wouldn't have been there...
And maybe I can't live like this...
Then I remembered living without you....
And my heart clenches...
I need to learn to love you less...
Before I lose myself. ..

E.J.M.

Just this meloncholy sadness..
Loving you leaves me inept... drifting....
This overwhelming sadness about who we are... and who we aren't....
Loving in a way with the blinders off my eyes... leads to heartbreaking thoughts and realization....
Gone are those days when I didn't know better...
Loving you completely and truthfully....
Breaks me apart.... millions of shattering pieces of my heart...
Just this sadness.... of who we are and who we aren't....
So meloncholy when I think of us....
Such dramatic, painful ,wrenching sadness

E.J.M.

We all pretend that we don't care...
I'm lying. ..
I hurt everyday...
Loving you hurts me....
Yet I lie to you...
I keep doing this. ..
Hoping for another outcome...
And I keep lying...
I Say I'm fine..
Yet I cry all the time. ..
You're not mine...
And who am I?
that I should be vying for your touch....
Tomorrow I'll lie to you again ...
While the weeks pass without a word..
Players only love you when their playing. ...
My heart breaks for you...
And I'm lying when I say I don't care...

E.J.M.

We started talking and down I fell..
Into the rabbit hole.
We visited a far away place and oh what fun we made..
I fell in love with your intensity..
Your soul, your heart, your impetuous laugh..
I knew then that you were my mad hatter and I was your Alice.
So it began. This whirlwind romance
I felt amazing,  loved, cherished and blessed. I made you feel the same..
We made plans..
Then the world got in the way..
The real showed through
And the cracks started to show.
I tried to follow you here and it wasn't the same..
The bliss got lost along the way..
The March Hare came and swept us away with time..
Your beautiful madness got dirtier here.. I watched you change..
Something hard to swallow, even harder to follow..
The pain eventually swallowed you whole..
I'm standing here now in absolute sorrow.
I want to go back down the rabbit hole..
And I can't find the way..
How do I find you?

E.J.M.

is this make believe?I wonder if I went away would you still believe in us? if I stay... It's like living a fantasy in a world of make believe... It doesn't feel make believe when I'm in your arms... Your real to the touch... When you're gone I ache...once you leave its like I imagined you here... Is this real? I almost want to put you with unicorns and Loch Ness monsters....You're gone and no 1 believes you were here. Period.i even wonder myself...

E.J.M.

Your topaz eyes stare into my shimmery blue...
I catch my breath, waiting for your words...
We met our match..
Me breathless, you sincere
We never end...
Like a smoldering flame
You always come back...I always remain
We burn with an intensity. ..
We burn everything around us..
I give, you take...
In the end we are back again. ...
Your eyes burn into mine...
The memory etches fire in my heart..
Till I see you again

E.J.M.

All those words that you feed to me...
Such pretty,  wrapped up sincereties,
They make my heart smile....
All those words are meaningless....
My head knows what my heart refuses to believe....
Such beautiful heartbreaking meaningless lies...

E.J.M.

In this world...
Filled with millions of people..
Vast mountains..
Oceans and deserts...
Of all the places and people. .
I can't help but think we were meant to find each other....
In this chaotic disarray. .
You Found me..
You stared at me from across the street and my whole world changed...
How fascinating to have found me repeatedly. ..
Of everyone I pass every day. ...
utter strangers....
Yet there you are time and again
Parts of you meant for my heart....
we were meant from the start...

E.J.M.

All these broken pieces....
I'm a mess...
I wish they would leave me alone.
I can heal by myself.
But they won't stop..
Everybody needs something...
And I keep caring about them.
What about me...
Who's caring about me while I'm trying to save the world one ****** up person at a time?
At the end of the day it's me with all my responsibility.
I'm a mess...
Is it any wonder why?
I can't carry everyone else.
Just me... and the responsibility.

E.J.M.