I'm not sure why I came...
But I love that smile....
That wink that makes me feel like the only girl in the world....
Perception of you and me...
I want to know you better....
I see you here and want to be a part of something....
It's crazy...
We both know that... but it makes you feel better to say it...

E.J.M.

We may never have morning....
I accept that...
We must both do what's right for us...
We do two separate plans and hope there's still room for us in the end...
You don't want to lose me to someone else and I don't want to share you anymore....
All we can do is what's right for us individually....
on our separate paths in our own lives...
we can love this way forever....

But we'll never see morning....

E.J.M.

I love you in so many ways...
It is enough. ...

E.J.M.

I'm fascinated by the softness of you..
The fragility you posses. ..
The shyness makes me braver..
As I arch my hips against your face. ..
I want more. ..
I unclasp my bra... pressing further against you...
I need more...
More soft kisses...
I gave in to temptation. ..
Now I'm addicted to your face....
This will be worse for me. ...
far Worse....
But I forget that when I'm looking down at your eyes..  
As I watch you grow gills....

E.J.M.

I'm here...
But you aren't. .
And I can cry all my tears...
But you still aren't here. .
And you'll never know ...
I'll keep crying...

E.J.M.

I never loved a man in my 35 years this much..
And I'm terrified...
And it's wrong...
I know this is wrong.... indescribably wrong....
This moral dilemma...
And I can't stop loving you..
I'm scared of loving you this much...
I'm scared to stop...
Not because you'll be gone...
But I fear never finding this again....
My heart hasn't stopped pounding through my chest...
And everything in me tells me to stay...
I'm not a runner ...
In this fear , I'm a fight not a flight girl...
However I know that I should walk away...
Never start a war that you can't afford to lose....
I don't believe I can afford this luxury...
I don't believe I should be kissing you ...
But I can never think with your tounge in my mouth. ..
I can't afford to love like this...
I can't afford to be held like this...
This describeless bliss...
This love that is achingly, morally, life altering wrong..

E.J.M.

We must be crazy....
Contorted up in these small spaces...
Such horrible confines...
No place for our faces..  
It's too hot and I can't move..
I think your sitting on my dress...
I really am impressed....
The spaces we fit....
Just you and I ...
Contorted all up just to kiss you...
You're dripping sweat on me and I can't move...
Can't feel my legs...
I just hit my head...
Sorry for biting your lip...
I want to to contort with you again in 105 degree weather..

E.J.M.

I've lost sight of something....
Love is always good...
We decide how we love...
I need to love you differently...
I can love you forever....
I have to change the way that I love you..
Without this change I will fall to pieces....
I'm not a damsel in distress...
I've never needed you to save me...
In fact I've never needed you for anything...
I've wanted you from the start...
I've wanted more and gotten less ,yet still I've stayed...
I'm stronger than that...
I can love you in a different way...
as years pass and our relationship has changed...I've never loved you less...
Apparently I'm not good at that...
However I can love you differently....
Because love is always beautiful...
Love isn't always the same...

E.J.M.

thanks for enlightening me#JeffreyRobin

You have the cutest feet I've ever seen...
Such perfect beautiful feet..
And I forgot...
Some things I rarely see of you. ..
Another perfect part of you...
Such perfect feet...

E.J.M.

I wish I loved you less.
That you weren't burned in my heart....
You are the only thing I can't say no to..
I'm drowning here in us...
I felt fear today...
Intense fear, heart pounding flight inducing fear...
If I'd loved you less it wouldn't have been felt. .. but then again I wouldn't have been there...
And maybe I can't live like this...
Then I remembered living without you....
And my heart clenches...
I need to learn to love you less...
Before I lose myself. ..

E.J.M.

Just this meloncholy sadness..
Loving you leaves me inept... drifting....
This overwhelming sadness about who we are... and who we aren't....
Loving in a way with the blinders off my eyes... leads to heartbreaking thoughts and realization....
Gone are those days when I didn't know better...
Loving you completely and truthfully....
Breaks me apart.... millions of shattering pieces of my heart...
Just this sadness.... of who we are and who we aren't....
So meloncholy when I think of us....
Such dramatic, painful ,wrenching sadness

E.J.M.

I'm lost and sad....
Sadly hanging on... I can only go one way... Yet there are so many choices....
I never knew life could be so hard...
And I just don't know anymore...
The what ifs... the absolute nots...these blend anymore....
Hope is the silent killer...
But without hope what do we have?

E.J.M.

All those words that you feed to me...
Such pretty,  wrapped up sincereties,
They make my heart smile....
All those words are meaningless....
My head knows what my heart refuses to believe....
Such beautiful heartbreaking meaningless lies...

E.J.M.

As you whisper " I love you" in my ear...
I know it's a lie... but my heart believed it any ways.... and so I'm caught here

E.J.M.

You've never wished me happy birthday....
I've never missed one...
I suppose that says it all....

E.J.M.

My best intentions all laying at your feet... What I mean to say.. And what actually comes out are different things... My words get caught on my best intentions...I see us as we are... Yet love what we are meant to be... Yet we aren't...another day goes by and we are only our best intentions...those words we say and so much more... This is who we are... I'll take your best intentions...

E.J.M.

Kissing you takes my breath away,  ******* it into you...breathing out as you breathe me in...if I could only kiss you everyday. ..
I've never wanted such a simple thing...
You invade me and I comply... tasting the essence of you...so safely taken...
I don't feel safe at all...
Just kisses... how i know they'll break my heart...

E.J.M.

you are my drug of choice baby... I can't get enough of you... My racing heart...butterflies overwhelming me... You're the highest high...you are my only drug of choice... You are the best hi I've ever known... Addiction is such a bad thing...

E.J.M.

Fervent kisses... ardent love... pressing against you urgently...
I love what you do to me...
This weakened state you take me too...
I tremble and want so much more...
I can't take much more...
Your sweat dripping into my eyes...
Eyes glazed over...
I love you above me...
Muscles rippling... the sinewy length of you against me...
Feather kisses on my shoulders. ..
My teeth on your ear...
Such grace and beauty in being with you..
The kiss on my head...
My nails gripping your shoulders...
Graceful entoxicating euphoria....

E.J.M.

I love your  face... The beautiful contours... Eloquent nose... The curve of your lips when they smile at me... Your wild topaz eyes when they stare at mine. How I love your face... Such a stunning complexion... The 5 o'clock shadow as it scratches my chin... Your beautiful black lashes... I can't get enough of your face it makes my heart smile
E.J.M

*** is such a driving force with us...somehow I can't get enough of you... Your touch, your kiss ,the smile on your lips...I'll always drive to see you because I can't get enough of you... it's always worth the drive...drive for an hour to spend 10 minutes with you... It's always worth it... Those 10 minutes spent staring at your face mean the world to me... Such a *** drive... I just drove by one of our places and it brings back memories of all the times we've been there... And I still continue to drive... Nothing is changed I love you the same... And I'll just keep driving ....did you drive me insane?

E.J.M.

I love hearing you say I love you...it makes my heart ache to be near you...every time you say it my world shatters...
everytime I'd say it back to you..please know that I mean it
I rarely have ever meant anything more then those words to you...

E.J.M.

Airplanes  overhead....
The noise is deafening. ..
What an enormous roar...
So close over my head....
I watch in fascinated awe....
What beautiful scenery...
So **** loud...

E.J.M.

I feel so safe with you....
Not sure why because you are frought with danger...
As I breathe you in I feel at home....
Laying in your arms... I feel the strength of you...
Little kisses on my shoulder....
Your Hands On My waist....
I love you in these moments....
I love you catching me...

E.J.M.

I could lay like this for days....
Snuggled up against your chest...
Tracing circles around your heart....
Listening to you breathe. ...
Curled up right here against you. ...
These are the moments I love...
Circled up with you. ..

E.J.M.

Sunlight filters in....
I'm awash in a glow...
Writing on sense memory...
Writing of things long ago...
Memories burned in... hard to make them fade...
What once was... isn't anymore. ..
Memories are what remain...
Be careful who you make memories with...
They linger long after the actual events....

E.J.M.

as I Drive into the rain I ponder you... You lied to her everyday... You still do... How can I believe you? She lives with you and doesn't know your secrets... How can I believe that I do? So much that you say is a lie. we are a lie... We live a lie  everyday....we are so twisted up I don't even know what to say...

E.J.M.

Your lips taste like fire... they consume me greedily. ..
In bliss I lay before you... absorbing the sight of you above me...
I've never felt so powerless yet powerful at the same time...
Our eyes meet urgently...
Shallow breaths, hungrily devour....
faulty skin, and breath and tears
In the end I'm powerless...

E.J.M.

is this make believe?I wonder if I went away would you still believe in us? if I stay... It's like living a fantasy in a world of make believe... It doesn't feel make believe when I'm in your arms... Your real to the touch... When you're gone I ache...once you leave its like I imagined you here... Is this real? I almost want to put you with unicorns and Loch Ness monsters....You're gone and no 1 believes you were here. Period.i even wonder myself...

E.J.M.

you remind me of summer... Of the heat against my skin... Stifling hotness... The overwhelming sense of losing my breath... When I'm with you I can't breathe... I don't think about what we do... When you're gone there  are so many questions...I want to call but I can't... So many rules... Why can't we just be? Be who we are? and its summer and I think of you... And I miss you in the heat of the summer... its raining and I want to lay in bed all day with you but I never will...instead just snippets of you... And as I looked out over the woods I wait for you to arrive... To tell you all about my day and my week and maybe my month, depending on the frequency....heat lightning streaks across the sky but you won't see it...

E.J.M.

what's different about today... Rather than tomorrow or possibly Friday? why is it that some weeks you see me multiple times yet others not even a call... Weeks go by and I don't hear a word and then you're back just like you never left... Can you tell me you'll call Monday...yet I don't hear anything from you... You always come back... The question is why are we here? why do we come back? what makes you call me? can't you just live your life without me? isn't she enough? I'm not sure why you need us both? yet I must ask myself the same question... I'm not sure why both of us are here... Maybe we should stop coming...

E.J.M.

how strange I feel when you touch me... It's like you're here with me, but you're not ..you seem so far away... Wish we could stay this way forever, and every time you're here ....we go again... I can't fathom why we do this... Longing to see you.. I can feel my heart breaking yet I can't stop missing you...  never ending ongoing tumultuous events... I feel we should stop but I can't... So I just keep loving you until you break me...

E.J.M.

The breeze tickles my skin...
I'm reminded of your breath by my ear
The golden orb above heats my shoulders...
Reminiscent of your hands....
Listening to the wooded sounds. .. I think of you here...
As I gaze down your path..I wonder where it leads
The other way is mine...
Two paths to one location....
To come here over and over again yet not know the details by now...
Reminiscent of loving you...
All this time. .thinking I know the details of you yet not knowing anything of your path...
Anything of your day to day. ..
Who you really are...
What you really want....
I only know what you show me...
You whisper I love you...
I know that we do...
Yet there's that other path...

E.J.M.

The race of my heart beat....
The throb of my pulse...
The pounding of my blood thru my veins....
It's you....
It's you every time....
And the words just don't come out...

E.J.M.

Life changes. ..
Life changes you and I....
The hardness of your body has softened. ..
Your earrings are gone....
There's more pepper in your hair...
More lines around your eyes...
Another job...
But you still have her...
And years ago I had hope...
of something else. ..
I'm softer...
and smarter...
and harder now...
we've changed yet remained the same...
Life changes us...
we are still here in our place despite the changes...
and I still lose my breath when I see you...

E.J.M.

Just hearing your voice makes my day...
That simple... hi baby
I smile at the sound of your voice....
The how are yous?
The I miss yous and love yous....
That conversation that we never have any more. ..
I miss these conversations....
i miss you...
how i wish i could awake to the sound of your voice. ..
instead I'll wait for the next time you call....
E.J.M.

Why do you keep me here?
Here in this box, on a shelf...
To take down when you want...
To play with me..
To tell how miserable your life is...
And when your done..
You put me back here until the next time you need me...
I can't fathom why you keep me here...

I suppose the better question is why I stay?

E.J.M.

Love has to be tended....Like a garden...
Without watering, it dies...
As the weeks pass and I don't see you...
I don't speak to you...
I don't know you anymore. ..
Time pulls love apart...
I miss you but mostly miss what we had...
What I thought we had...
You continue living your life and I get farther away...

Will you notice when I'm gone?

E.J.M.

In a world of dreams and might have beens...
You are the door that shuts out all future wishes...
The slamming door that locks me here in futility

E.J.M.

At the end of the day...
I simply wish things were different. ...
That I didn't love you. ..
Maybe that you loved me more...
That we were at a different time...
Maybe that they didn't exist. ..
I'd change it all...
I'm not sure I can love you like this...
Yet I do...
Here's where wishes get you...

E.J.M.

I'm wet and cold...
Watching rain fall down around me...
Hanging on to moments that are no longer here...
Thinking back to how we met, words you said, feelings burning....
This close separation gets me here...
Passing our places and thinking of you. ..the contemplation of butterflies ...
That glimmer in your eyes...
I don't get the whys and how's of us....
I don't understand the closeness of us. ..
The separation of us...
There isn't any us...
I'm in the Pouring rain. ..
Surrounded by the blackest sky...
With your heart on my mind....

E.J.M.

When I hear your voice it's like my stomach has no bottom. ..
This fluttering gutless feeling. ..
I still can't breathe. ..
This bottomless,  butterfly intensity. ..
No wonder I can't leave....

E.J.M.

We are fading and I can't stop it...
This isn't what I'd planned...
As helpless as I am to stop us. ..
I feel you waning...
I love you so much but have lost you somewhere. ..
Your pretty mouth with pretty words...
And it's fading. ..
I miss you in the worst of ways...
When in fact you are already gone...
These weeks without words I cannot do...

E.J.M.

We all pretend that we don't care...
I'm lying. ..
I hurt everyday...
Loving you hurts me....
Yet I lie to you...
I keep doing this. ..
Hoping for another outcome...
And I keep lying...
I Say I'm fine..
Yet I cry all the time. ..
You're not mine...
And who am I?
that I should be vying for your touch....
Tomorrow I'll lie to you again ...
While the weeks pass without a word..
Players only love you when their playing. ...
My heart breaks for you...
And I'm lying when I say I don't care...

E.J.M.

I'm not your plaything. ..
To be put on a shelf...
For a rainy day.
I breathe and I hurt...
I Miss and I long for you...
And you show up. .. when I'm almost gone. ..
I don't want to play anymore. ....
Because I keep crying and you keep leaving.....

E.J.M.

If this was love.... I'd wake up kissing your face....
I'd know throughout the day. ..
There wouldn't be this space. ...
This hole. ..
This heart wrench in my soul....
I sit here for weeks and weeks...
For what?
Waiting for you to love me?
Love me like you love her?
I need to go.......

E.J.M.

I rarely cry for you... for us...
But my heart is breaking. ..
And you aren't here....
And I'm sobbing. ... even after all these years. ..

E.J.M.

I almost don't want to answer your call...
But maybe you won't call anymore. .
I'm always here and you never are....
Please don't call...
I don't have it in me to not answer....
I love you too much. ..
I want to be done because my heart is breaking. ..please love her...
Just her

E.J.M.

I'm sad....
This longing meloncholy....
I breathe in and out everyday...
But you're not here...
I survive...
I'm Missing This Integral Part Of me...
I keep going on...
Surviving. ...
My heart is breaking. ..
Time passes and you don't love me like you used to...

E.J.M.

I am lost with you...
I find so many directions with you..
and never know which to choose...
I watch your eyes light up...
the smile that breaks across your face when you see me...
I'm lost here... lost with you in this time and space..
watching the light filter through the trees...
the tepid breeze that catches my hair...
I'm completely lost...
watching the grasshoppers frolic from brush to brush...
the crickets trilling in the trees...
pricking my hands on sandspurs...
I'm lost here in this place I know from memory...
Lost here with you....
always waiting for you...

E.J.M.