i've reached rock bottom,
i think i need a little help getting out
but i don't have a single soul that could help me

i should stop wallowing
i mean, what's the point of crying over loneliness when i could piece myself back together
that would mean i don't need a single soul....
right?
i could live in piece(s) with myself and 9 others who go by the same name but could never resemble me.

but i can't live without you

There's a fire, and its sparking up
Somewhere in the ether,
Run run as fast as you can
He'll catch you one day
But
Not if you're faster than his plan

As fast as it left
it came back
here i am
sitting in the dark
feeling like a warped jigsaw piece
never seeing
please lull me to infinite sleep
with your raspy death filled voice

Lust, lustrous....lust....lost

Come to me, my dear child
You haven't got long left with me, dear child
I'm leaving home in 10 minutes
But life is not my home
Until we meet again, my dear child

are we all but one

surprisingly I'm back for more
i have nothing to write today though
im in a good mood

dancing feeds the soul
and good music

it corrupts your heart too
so be careful
-
i'll keep smiling though

The power of youth
Radiated from the eyes of young James
Dressed in his finest suit
Looking sharper than the edge of his knife that he stole
He ventured out into the young night to find the many others that could be mistaken as his twin, all unique copies of each other.
Soon enough he was drunk
Drunk to the point of no return
Drunk to the point that he couldn't help but feel
He, the ringleader lead on his army of youths
Running, Running to anywhere
Anywhere is better than being with the coppers
They loved to wind the coppers up without a care
All fun was over when they were caught
But the power of youth never fails to kick in
Cheered on by his friends,  young James is spurred on to wind up the grumpy copper that roughly held his shoulder
The copper looked at the boy with pity in his eyes and asked
"Have you been drinking son?, you don't look old enough to me"
"I'm sorry officer is there a certain age you're s'posed to be?, no one told me"
The coppers eyes become littered with mirth at the response he wished he could keep hearing
Only one thought appeared in the mind of the copper, The power of youth.

actually bringing in a sudden twist of thought
when you don't look at things fully then they brighten your mood
but when you see everything bared
well that's a different story in itself

Expert poets huh? If poetry was perfect it wouldn’t exist
You can’t follow a method
Just follow your heart, that one thought that is always on your mind, the drag of your pen against a surface, the long sigh after a hard day, the feeling of skin against yours, the feeling of a feverish Sunday afternoon nap, just follow the feeling of running away with a day dream

And you’ll be just fine

Tonight

CAN YOU FEEL ME THE WAY I FEEL YOU??
DO YOU WANT ME THE WAY I WANT YOU??
DOES YOUR HEART YEARN FOR ME IN WAYS UNEXPECTED TOO??
TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY THATS CRAZY
TELL ME THAT YOU ARE TOO

Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1

Just like lightning

sought after
because she's a bad little girl
because she has perfect brunette hair that you want to wrap around your wrist
because she likes it when you call her a coke *****
she hates it when you abandon her
so just glance at her
play it safe
stare when you can
interact when you can
she's wearing that hella **** outfit
she's laying on carpet
her eyes are turning you on....**** that direct stare
don't look at me like that
she gets going after 4
she makes you wait
so if you got it, give to her
give it to me

I handed the world
Every ounce of my innocence

I had them eating it out of my palm
And by the world, I mean you

I have nothing left to give anymore
You miss me
You miss that purity

But a girl will always stay innocent until touched
Until you light that fire within her
Then she’s no longer yours
**** the purity
Keep it
I don’t want it anymore

I kissed goodbye to my youth
She had a good time
But she wants a better time now
And that’s exactly what she’s going to get

there is so much beauty in our pain

and now i can't breathe because she's all i can see
WHY GOD?....WHY ME??
I know all she wanted to do was sit by the sea.
I admit it, I failed, but even you could see,
how could i have taken her to sea,
when she was afraid of water?

Would you have punished me if i dragged her there against her will?
I thought i was doing right, but apparently not.
and now i'm stumbling and tripping over these stubborn knots that I tie every night just to keep sane and make myself feel like i have no loose threads hanging over my head for fear of a noose swooping down and taking me
so God if you're listening,
save me
before i choke on this word ***** and my sins that threaten to bury me.....save me

Am I alone or just lonely?

Do you know what it feels like to excel at both receiving pain and inflicting it in equal measure?

I wish i was home
In your arms

Against your skin
With the wind
Dancing across my spine

And your fingers
Intertwined in mine

Forever be mine
I love you

————

We don’t quite know eachother yet
And I have spent my life waiting
Waiting for a moment so beautiful
That I can hardly bear to take a breath

Choke me
You’re choking me
The very thought of your existence
Is what I live for

And I’ll carry on this way
Until i find you
Just so I can feel something

We really are a superficial generation, we rely on the amount of Facebook likes on our profile pictures as a determiner of how popular or pretty we are.
Today I got asked 'How many likes did you get on your profile picture?' Does it matter? My beauty is NOT and never will be indicated by the amount of likes I get. Even if I upload a picture of myself on Facebook and no one 'likes' it, what does that mean? that i'm ugly? that no one likes me?
STOP LETTING SOCIAL MEDIA DEFINE YOU.LIKES ARE NOT REAL AND MEAN NOTHING.FACEBOOK IS NOTHING.SOCIAL NETWORKS MEAN NOTHING.STOP LETTING THE INTERNET RULE YOU.BE A FREE HUMAN NOT A SLAVE TO SOCIAL MEDIA.

Heavy breathing

Lip biting
Teeth grinding
Stop writhing

Heavy breathing

things never affect me
things have never affected me
until now
and i can't understand what's ******* changed
i'm fighting with myself
to be what i used to be
but it's like my mind is a stubborn *******
so it's gonna continue to **** me over
it's been a week
a ******* week

my emotions are the fuel to my writing
and boy are they a finite resource
I feel like I  just extract them from my very being and force feed them to my keyboard
maybe my keyboard has turned into a parasite
now i'm addicted to letting my emotions leave me

Everything that is wrong is just so comforting for me
or maybe it's because that's all i have in my life

i'm so alone - nowhere to go
    no one to go to

no one who understands

just one person, but we don't talk anymore

i'm tired of repeating myself anyways
i can't make sense of my thoughts and emotions these days
   an indescribable feeling, but not the kind you wish for

i'm alone
so alone
i need a friend

Did I lose myself or did I gain you?

we tried that old trick
where you seal a crack with gold

you're lying to yourself
it doesn't look pretty

you're lying to yourself
it will never last

so maybe it's time to shatter things into pieces
and go our separate ways




p.s it's funny how you all will still believe that sometimes things have to fall apart to come together again. Think again, those pieces will get swept up and discarded in a lonesome and destructive landfill site. Get real before life forces you to...

and what is life for me?
i don't know yet

i guess i've always known what it could be
i just haven't decided

A few day's ago my father took me out and we ended up taking a stroll down the ever famous memory lane.
Thousands, perhaps millions, had stumbled down this very lane, but to me, I alone had only discovered it.

her bedrooms walls were covered in drawings
and you thought they were made by a sweet little kid
the way they were carelessly scribbled out
but those drawings were not that innocent

they were drawn by your daughter on her darkest nights

look a little closer

the
drawings
are
not
as
innocent
as
you
think

My memories are all I have and I can feel them fading
Unravelling
Slowly dissipating .. the silt of my emotions slipping into realms unknown

I've always wondered about the scenarios the play out in my head without fail several times a day, mostly at night
it's what we want? right?
so why don't we go ahead and make that 'scenario' a reality
we always want to get what we want
so why do we hesitate now?

watching her fall down the metal stairs
step by step
from across the street
was odd

her blood stained hair looked kind of purple under the flickering street light
hm
i think she'd look better with blonde hair
it'd really bring out her eyes

you know, this is something that has really...let's say 'dawned' on me. It may seem obvious but it's something that is practiced with such fluency. The facades we all project, such ease and such guilt-free fun. It's like a sweet lie that you can run alongside in sunny fields with. it's satisfying,highly.
we put on these facades so easily and all it takes is small but effective 'entrances' into your so called life. a little glimpse here and there never did anyone any harm, i mean it's not like it's real.
it's trickery, carried out by the every-man. i'm not who you think i am and you're not who i think you are. we are not multifaceted, we are plain, stripped and devoid of this

i've been wondering if i should write a diary
but is it worth it?

my favourite part of a movie is when the character who's been through a lot walks through a dimly lit city scene or a park alone just thinking about everything and music is playing in the background and it's kinda sad but at the same time they know everything is going to be okay

when you're just walking around, contemplating in such a busy public place you suddenly find yourself aware of each step you take and each breathe you take.

You can feel the cold air fill your lungs and you kind of smile at the sweet memories and you know that despite everything, those memories will keep you alive.

But the pain you feel is intense, it can blind you and suddenly you can't see where you're going anymore. Life doesn't feel real and before you know it, your heart is on your sleeve for the world to see.

i dream of having a piano in front of me so my fingers could dance across the keys instead of my neck

******* ****
you charm everyone
why do you do it?
what do you want?

ALL I DO IS CREATE SHORT TERM REACTIONS, nothing that comes from me is meant to last. When you collided with me, my body didn’t recognise what kind of element you were so I just reacted like usual but **** fizzles out the longer you’re near me. Save yourself, just because I’m reactive don’t let me drain the power out of you. Even after all this time I still can’t work out what you are, prove to me that the true reaction between us isn’t destructive enough to wipe out a city...CAN YOU DO THAT?

I was a fool to think things could be different and just to make **** equal between us...only fools fall for me.

hit's backspace on every true emotion

It's a rich kid party

i don't feel like i exist
or maybe i don't feel like existing

life scares me
i'm overwhelmed
and confused

You don't know what a person feels inside

I've found so much peace in silence
but inside it tears me apart
I have a voice
I want to use it
but my words stutter and fail

When I rub my eyes with a multitude of feelings
Frustration
Excitement
Anger
Sadness
I grit my teeth
     As my mind grows fuller and blanker by the second
Everything pours out
     But nothing is felt or heard...or seen
It's there.....It's always there.

no longer the lonely writer

when I'm on top of you
riding you
at 3am
i throw my head back
just as you scratch my bare back
and grip my hair in your iron tight fist

it's then, at this point
that i want you to drag your fathers blade from the hollow of my throat all the way down to what gave you all this pleasure for 7 years

i hope i look cute when you're finished with me, Doctor .