S: Poems

70 · Oct 2020

Taste me

S Oct 2020

Taste me

Cherry kisses
Flushed cheeks
Cherry pop

68 · Sep 2020

Untitled

S Sep 2020

Untitled

was it real?

67 · Aug 2020

let’s get some concrete answers from the abstract

S Aug 2020

let’s get some concrete answers from the abstract

CAN YOU FEEL ME THE WAY I FEEL YOU??
DO YOU WANT ME THE WAY I WANT YOU??
DOES YOUR HEART YEARN FOR ME IN WAYS UNEXPECTED TOO??
TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY THATS CRAZY
TELL ME THAT YOU ARE TOO

67 · Dec 2024

Food for thought

S Dec 2024

Food for thought

If I took a bite out of myself, would I taste like pomegranate and figs or rotting flesh?

Kinda punny? : D

66 · Sep 2020

i cry with a pencil in my hand, always

S Sep 2020

i cry with a pencil in my hand, always

all this writing on the wall does nothing for me/
i thought it would make me feel whole again
but i was wrong

every time i'm happy i think it will last forever]
but it never does

66 · Feb 21

Untitled

S Feb 21

Untitled

Just look at you
Nothing but a mess
A mess
A mess
A mess
-
I thought I was getting better

Can you feel the pain now? Can you feel it? Are you ******* PLEASED?
TELL ME IT WAS WORTH IT?
Just once
Tell me it was all worth it

66 · Feb 21

It’s okay

S Feb 21

It’s okay

I guess I accept

I’m just weak enough to crack
But to never fall apart

A small hairline etches itself onto the tea cup of my life
But I keep sipping, and relishing in the warmth of its contents
Still perfectly contained
Even though my finger absentmindedly brushes over the ridges
Created by my carelessness

Nothing more than a passing thought
A fleeting touch
One fine evening

65 · Feb 16

So what now?

S Feb 16

So what now?

I’m cold
And you’re disappointing

65 · Sep 2020

i'm cruel to myself but i can't help it, no self love in the world could ever get through to me

S Sep 2020

i'm cruel to myself but i can't help it, no self love in the world could ever get through to me

12:36 am
everyone is asleep

i'm still so lost - who am i?
what do i want?

i know i'm supposed to be tough
a little girl all grown up now
but i feel so small
so scared and so unsure

64 · Aug 2020

Untitled

S Aug 2020

Untitled

looking . i'm always looking for something
always tracing those lines on a chipped mirror, looking for the x that marks the spot

just to feel something
just to feel something
just to feel something

i feel something

do you feel something?
because that feeling left for me as fast as it came
i just can't quite hold on to it

64 · Jul 2020

it's cold here

S Jul 2020

it's cold here

i want to feel again
i want time to slow down
i want time to carry me in it's arms, back in time, back to you

Intimacy, i lack
Intimacy, i crave

all i have left of it is a whisper, a single thought that I chase everyday
every last bit of it has been discarded

we don't exist anymore and it hurts
does it hurt you too?

64 · Feb 16

I don’t think I can live without the heat

S Feb 16

I don’t think I can live without the heat

How many times will I be burnt by my own skin?

64 · Aug 2020

i can't fix myself

S Aug 2020

i can't fix myself

i ****** up again
i keep doing this over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

64 · Nov 2020

Untitled

S Nov 2020

Untitled

Can we trace the lines on this broken mirror and find our way home?

63 · Feb 21

Release me from myself

S Feb 21

Release me from myself

The devil and God are raging inside me

63 · Nov 2020

Untitled

S Nov 2020

Untitled

I wish it would feel good to scream

62 · Aug 2020

i love to show off but this one is just for my eyes only

S Aug 2020

i love to show off but this one is just for my eyes only

i write on here for ME
because day by day my memory feels like it's fading
fading so fast

i won't understand a single word written
but i'll always know that i felt something at some point

62 · Dec 2024

Lingering

S Dec 2024

Lingering

The bathroom is ice cold and the house silent
bass popping in your ear
One splayed hand gripping one tensed thigh
Your nails dig in, lilac pretty
-
You *** and it feels warm
So you fight the urge to slip your cold hand under the stream
-
A hard stare in the mirror, seeing too much and nothing much at all
-
You thought it was just that sleep evaded you but something much bigger was chasing you, leaving you
too
All too often
All too much
-
Here you are again.
Does it feel good?

Did it ever feel good?
-
It did
Of course it did

62 · Feb 16

How have you been?

S Feb 16

How have you been?

Y’know, same old same old

60 · Jan 2020

My chemical romance

S Jan 2020

My chemical romance

ALL I DO IS CREATE SHORT TERM REACTIONS, nothing that comes from me is meant to last. When you collided with me, my body didn’t recognise what kind of element you were so I just reacted like usual but **** fizzles out the longer you’re near me. Save yourself, just because I’m reactive don’t let me drain the power out of you. Even after all this time I still can’t work out what you are, prove to me that the true reaction between us isn’t destructive enough to wipe out a city...CAN YOU DO THAT?

I was a fool to think things could be different and just to make **** equal between us...only fools fall for me.

60 · Sep 2020

i have to accept things

S Sep 2020

i have to accept things

it's too late it's just too late

59 · Jan 2020

Will it be this way tomorrow?

S Jan 2020

Will it be this way tomorrow?

:

Looking out of the window
Static
Nothing moves

Lines so perfect they blur into a feverish dream
I’m waiting
I’ve been waiting so long
For something to happen
For change
Just to feel something

Trapped in these four walls
Trapped in these people
Helpless yet so strong

Untapped potential wasting away
Or is it burning slowly
Getting more powerful minute by minute

58 · Jan 2020

I don’t want to fade

S Jan 2020

I don’t want to fade

If I told you all of my secrets, there would be nothing left of me

58 · Nov 2020

Untitled

S Nov 2020

Untitled

How did I end up here again

56 · Sep 2020

Untitled

S Sep 2020

Untitled

it all felt so real

56 · Aug 2020

I dreamt a small dream and the pain was still there

S Aug 2020

I dreamt a small dream and the pain was still there

if i lost myself
what did i gain in return?

there's two sides to everything
but your hand always cups my cheek, softly
and your finger catches my tears
how can i see?

i realise now
that when my vision is blurred
it's not because i'm sad

you blinded me
deceit is just a word, but you really existed
trickery is just an act, but we really existed
danger is very real, damage is always done

56 · Jul 2020

who am i anymore?

S Jul 2020

who am i anymore?

i'm so lost

56 · Aug 2020

Untitled

S Aug 2020

Untitled

waiting for someone to turn the key

55 · Aug 2020

when the sun goes down

S Aug 2020

when the sun goes down

it's time for the story to begin again i guess
i woke up
slowly, but i woke up

it stirred inside of me
i feel so alive

that cold shiver
it takes over my body
coursing through me
sapping me of my energy
a parasite
i'm a mess
long black hair

but i'll make you so happy <3

55 · Aug 2020

glass shatters a lot but you can't always hear it

S Aug 2020

glass shatters a lot but you can't always hear it

can anyone hear me?
i'm screaming, but maybe these pixels aren't loud enough

53 · Aug 2020

Untitled

S Aug 2020

Untitled

i hate growing up but i love it too
nothing else feels right
being young is all i know and all i'm comfortable with

it's slowly slipping away from me
i don't know how am i'm going to continue living
should i continue living?

i was surfing reddit and i saw this post on suicide watch - it felt good to know i wasn't the only one who didn't want to exist past 30 . i wonder if they're still alive? the post was 8 years ago

i wonder whether i will be alive - i mean does anyone want to live as a real adult or even be old
i hate it
life looks bleak, predictable, full of effort, monotone, repetitive

don't give me that you choose your life *******

what's wrong with me

53 · Feb 21

Sigh

S Feb 21

Sigh

Like a firm punch to the gut
You do that one thing
That thing
Where you aim for the side
But some invisible force
More commonly known as your ******* self
I’m sorry
I should say “ Very human weakness “
Drags that fist back the centre
And you hit yourself where it hurts

The pain used to be worth the pleasure
The pleasure
Always worth the pain
The pain
Never worth the pleasure
The pleasure
Never worth the pain
Wait
Where was I again?

Who do I apologise to?
Apologies obviously mean nothing to me
Because I accept them
And that’s it

52 · Jan 2020

Can’t move, can’t grow

S Jan 2020

Can’t move, can’t grow

To love without caring
To feel without being able to express
To live but without passion

Is a crime
And a world full of endless suffering

To want but never get
To dream but never fall
To **** without fearing

Is no fun

To breathe and live another day is a labour
But it is this labour that keeps us alive

Passion is what gives us the life
It’s what gives us the colour
The drive
The smiles
The pain
That red stain
Her name
His face
Heart racing
Bodies shaking
Life
Death
Hope
And rain

It’s what runs through our veins
And we’re slowly dying

Give me another hit
Just one more
Please

52 · Sep 2020

Untitled

S Sep 2020

Untitled

i'm scared and i'm on edge

51 · 6d

a storm rages but I can't feel it

S 6d

a storm rages but I can't feel it

Confined, only free to expand myself within boundaries

51 · Jan 2020

Love please surround me *

S Jan 2020

Love please surround me *

I wish i was home
In your arms

Against your skin
With the wind
Dancing across my spine

And your fingers
Intertwined in mine

Forever be mine
I love you

————

We don’t quite know eachother yet
And I have spent my life waiting
Waiting for a moment so beautiful
That I can hardly bear to take a breath

Choke me
You’re choking me
The very thought of your existence
Is what I live for

And I’ll carry on this way
Until i find you
Just so I can feel something

51 · Aug 2020

mad sounds

S Aug 2020

mad sounds

Everything that is wrong is just so comforting for me
or maybe it's because that's all i have in my life

i'm so alone - nowhere to go
no one to go to

no one who understands

just one person, but we don't talk anymore

i'm tired of repeating myself anyways
i can't make sense of my thoughts and emotions these days
an indescribable feeling, but not the kind you wish for

i'm alone
so alone
i need a friend

50 · Feb 16

John..

S Feb 16

John..

The patina of your leather against my cheek
Just makes me want to hold on tighter when you ride

49 · Aug 2020

tell me it was real tell me i'm not having a nightmare

S Aug 2020

tell me it was real tell me i'm not having a nightmare

when your hands gripped the counter
when your breath got stuck in your throat

when i smiled and laughed all night long
when your eye twitched
hold it in hold it in..please (i would whisper)

you snapped
of course i saw
i felt it

i tried to convince myself that you weren't real
BECAUSE YOU DID NOT EXIST

it never worked
i couldn't shake you
i couldn't shake that feeling

i always give in to that dark bliss
that black intoxication .. so inviting and warm .. an unfamiliar place that feels so much like home

48 · Feb 21

I know who I am

S Feb 21

I know who I am

I would like to write something about home
Something nice

I just have to work out where that is first ..

Technically born a nomad
But with relations firmly rooted in the soil that feels softest to me

It’s in me to search
My blood shows me the way ..
*

Though I am still searching for my worldly home,
I am journeying to the end of earth and up to the heavens
My final resting place with God

I hope to return to this soon .. perhaps when my heart feels more open

48 · Jul 2020

it's so cold here

S Jul 2020

it's so cold here

it hurts
hurts so much

43 · Feb 16

Good loving .. feel so numb

S Feb 16

Good loving .. feel so numb

Lost in the throes of desire..so
Haunted after last night

But I said I’ll bite

And now I can’t put out the fire

I’m burning
I’m burning
I’m burning

Up
You ****** me
Up

You ****** me
You’re ******
****

32 · 6d

or is it delusion?

S 6d

or is it delusion?

you once told me "if you're unhappy with life or the way things are going, just do the opposite"
-
But what about the impossible? because some things are impossible
and acceptance isn't enough
-
you made it sound so easy
-
is it easy?

there is so much i want to ask you..but you're not here anymore

27 · 6d

*

S 6d

*

Everything hurts me

27 · 6d

what about it?

S 6d

what about it?

what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?
what about the impossible?

I'm mortal, not Godly
my view is so limited
and I wish my faith was sky high
*

0 · 6d

The holy trinity

S 6d

The holy trinity

what is the difference between acceptance, defeat, and surrender?

I just want to feel free

0 · 6d

By the sea

S 6d

By the sea

cold milk in the morning
you promised it would be different
-
sea breeze and seaweed
my heart feels free
-
barbed wire, we laugh and flee
the cars pass
and the mountain sees
-
mount by the sea
precious
and
free
-
Are we?

0 · 6d

remember me?

S 6d

remember me?

there is a beauty in my weakness, in the sure waver of my tensile strength
yes
i am slowing unravelling
but some pieces of me will live on

in the forever pocket of your denim jeans

grief is a strange emotion, especially when directed at yourself---whilst i'm alive

— The End —