I think the worst thing about the way I’m living these days is that my self destruction isn’t even fun

I keep trying to remember being a child
I feel like I need to look for something in those memories

I want to be free

The biggest lie I ever told myself was that I didn’t need anyone
That i had myself
That I was enough for me
I DONT EVEN HAVE ME
THERES NOT ENOUGH OF ME
INHAVE BEEN SLOWLY FADING AWAY
I AM FADING

and it sounds scary right. I guess it is but I can’t feel the fear
I am sinking, in a sea that swallows me
It’s getting darker
I’m not even aware of the surface above me
So how can I break through? No
I don’t want to break through
I can’t
I shouldn’t
-
I am sinking
I am fluid
Life is still, not peaceful
but still
My eyes are closed and I’m floating
Barely there as a person
-
Though you see my body that the sea has swallowed
My soul has dissolved

You’re all I have, I said to the wall in front of me
The wall did not respond. It just stared back
Blankly, silently

A human does the tango with desire and gives the most disgusting performance of a lifetime

Maybe I could turn my radio on and listen to the static, it means you’re there somewhere right? If I push that button to talk, you’ll hear me right? If I hold my radio tight will I one day hear your whisper through the interference? Are you there? Do you copy? Do you copy?