it's time for the story to begin again i guess
i woke up
slowly, but i woke up

it stirred inside of me
i feel so alive

that cold shiver
it takes over my body
coursing through me
sapping me of my energy
a parasite
i'm a mess
long black hair

but i'll make you so happy <3

when your hands gripped the counter
when your breath got stuck in your throat

when i smiled and laughed all night long
when your eye twitched
hold it in hold it in..please (i would whisper)

you snapped
of course i saw
i felt it

i tried to convince myself that you weren't real
BECAUSE YOU DID NOT EXIST

it never worked
i couldn't shake you
i couldn't shake that feeling

i always give in to that dark bliss
that black intoxication .. so inviting and warm .. an unfamiliar place that feels so much like home

if i lost myself
what did i gain in return?

there's two sides to everything
but your hand always cups my cheek, softly
and your finger catches my tears
how can i see?

i realise now
that when my vision is blurred
it's not because i'm sad

you blinded me
deceit is just a word, but you really existed
trickery is just an act, but we really existed
danger is very real, damage is always done

can anyone hear me?
i'm screaming, but maybe these pixels aren't loud enough

W H A T    W E N T   W R O N G   W I T H   M E
       MAYBEIAMAPERFECTMISTAKE
ORMAYBEIAMJUSTNOTHING

searching for answers i guess

i hate growing up but i love it too
nothing else feels right
being young is all i know and all i'm comfortable with

it's slowly slipping away from me
i don't know how am i'm going to continue living
should i continue living?

i was surfing reddit and i saw this post on suicide watch - it felt good to know i wasn't the only one who didn't want to exist past 30 . i wonder if they're still alive? the post was 8 years ago

i wonder whether i will be alive - i mean does anyone want to live as a real adult or even be old
i hate it
life looks bleak, predictable, full of effort, monotone, repetitive

don't give me that you choose your life *******

what's wrong with me

looking . i'm always looking for something
always tracing those lines on a chipped mirror, looking for the x that marks the spot

just to feel something
just to feel something
just to feel something

i feel something

do you feel something?
because that feeling left for me as fast as it came
i just can't quite hold on to it