When did my mind change?
When did I become this senseless, desperate monstrosity?
When did you fall out of love with me?

The night we meet
We sat in that field
Sharing cigarettes and stories
I told you of my heart ache
And you listened

The weeks onward
When we fell in love
And we dreamed and we planned
Marry me in Thailand, you said
But I knew, by then, when you were lying

And then away you went
Across the world, to another world
And I was lost
My life became longing and heart ache again
But you were still listening

Still I lost myself further
Drowning in the dark
I listened to another
Taking advantage of my heart
I hurt you, I hurt you

And we met again
Eyes locked together in that foreign city
Walking streets together as if,
As if we were the only two left in this world
You listened and you forgave

Back in our home
We combine our things
Build a nest, build a sanctuary
Where we lived peacefully and lovingly
And then we didn't, not at all  

So much has happened in these small two years
My mind is ill, I can't comprehend
Everything is sour, its all such a mess
My heart is still aching
But your not listening
    
This night we met, my friends and I
Sharing cigarettes and stories
They told me of their heartache
And I realised, I should have really appreciated you
My mind is ill, my mind is ill

These words you say
And the others too
They don't mean a thing
They are all so untrue

I care, I care
I'll always be there
It will all be okay
I promise, one day

Why waste your breath?
Why tell me this lie?
Just speak your true feelings
And tell me goodbye

******* hell I'm so mad
I hate seeing you sad
And I miss you too
I want to see you

Its not a competition
I'm just trying to say
The things that you do
They hurt me this way

I'll try, I'll try
But right now I'm high
I think, I think
**** I need a drink

He seems so happy
Oh you know him so well?
She's batshit crazy
Oh just go to hell

I don't own the guilt you feel
Each time that I cry
Who even cares?
I want to curl up and die

This one is different from before
Yes
This one is empty
This one is angry
This one is dark and sad
But it is not like the others

Is this what its really like to be in love?
I have never felt so much pain for so long
So what were the others?
Because they were definitely not this.

This one is ongoing
This one is hopeful
This one is longing

And I don't even know what I'm saying
But I do know
There will not be an end to this pain
Unless he takes me swimming in the seas of Spain

It has been a long time


Yet it feels as if yesterday
You awoke from my side
Reluctantly leaving the bed

Gentle pressure placed upon my eyes
Back then I had less reason to hide

But change happens quickly

Empty and lonely we each said goodbye

The in between

Hysteria

Yearning

Anger

Jealousy

Hate



And Love

I still see it in you

I am hopelessly hopeful that you see it too

Over the edge,
      into the deep, cold waters.
My ocean.
Is it possible for you to sit aside me?
      Contained and afloat.
Or, if you please, you may swim
Hold my hand.

And let it be, for just awhile.

I know of lonely days,
I want my girls back.

I slipped from the eyelid garden
Falling now
alone
I reached for your hand
but it wasn't there
And when I hit the concrete
leave my innards for the birds

On wet days the gutter fills with regrets
We are left to walk alongside
as they gush down dank city streets
The water collects debris
but abandons it quickly
With no time to process any situation
the matter is only to rot and block
Finally the drain may be reached
but it is a short relief
as it will drain all feeling
pulling it out and polluting the coast

Everyday I watch you
you slice down your chest's center
slide your fingers in
and pry yourself open
to let your gushing heart pour out
All over me
it gets on my shoes and stains my socks

Last night I discovered galaxies
They were caught in waves
Washing up onto the shore
Following along behind us
Leaving our footsteps to glow

Last night I lay in a field
Two strangers by my side
Soon to become new friends
We spoke of the world
and watched the planets wave hello

Last night I thought of you
Your spirit by my side
I wanted to swim in everything
Take your hand and bring you
Into the deep warmth of below

Some hold the heaviness of the world in their heart
I only cradle this silly wee thing
It sits in my heart like the tooth on my chest
It niggles away, a tickling sensation
But this silly wee thing is mine
and mine alone!
If it were not to be here then surely
neither would I

Their not broken
I'll take those glasses from your head
Cleaning them with my breath and a soft cloth
The smudges disappear easily
When we reminisce  

With eyes clear you can see it all again
And what lies ahead is sunny once more

The street is full of the nights left-overs
We sit under the dead orange glow
I take a glance at your face, scared
Its twisted look of
Confusion
Sadness
Exhaustion
makes my body twist itself
Until I have shrunken so tiny
I could sit upon the pin
that I just stuck into your chest
My pocket gives three sharp beeps

Are you coming?

Your not stupid
Your face tells me that

I'm not going to do this again

You say, pained
as you pull out the pin
I take your hand and hold it tight
Our skin blends together, but i want it too
I
Love
You
and no one else
despite tonight's activities
We rise from the cold
Shake the glow off our shoulders
And watch as the sweeper takes away the streets mess

Your anger did not phase me
as what was digested took control
and I stepped tenderly
onto the eyelid garden

Who would think now
that we had ever been so close?
Sometimes even I struggle to remember.
But I do remember,
clinging to your skin so tightly,
as stories of spirits rolled from our tongues
like ones breath in a morning frost.
We watched them watch us,
Eyes play tricks in dark bedroom corners,
And so it was till after 7 am
that I was finally brave enough
to fall asleep.

Do you remember?
We've known of each other for a while now.
When did we meet?
I can't remember what I said, every nights the same,
You weren't even there that time!
But she told me, and didn't we sit and chat?
The night we first meet.

It was cold,
Every night is cold!  
I wore my blanket of cheap wine, numbing my body..
Numbing your mind! What were you thinking?!
Do we ever ******* think?
He smiled at me,
Me too.

We danced, didn't we?
Yes, it was lovely.
When was the last night that happened?
Every night, I don't know,
They have blurred and merged.
I need to sleep, I'm burning the candle.
Now now, you don't want to miss out on the fun.

If you don't go tonight, they'll forget your name.
You don't know each other, not in reality.
He'll be there, and you know what she's thinking..
Do you want that to happen?
I can't believe this is happening!
How long has it been?
I feel like I've known you my entire life..

With each sip, each inhale
The lights and sounds cut all senses,
Keep up! Or you'll get lost,
Get lost in the ever changing shapes and colours.
The kaleidoscope mirrors are made for illusion..
Is it real? I can't tell. But I can tell, for the moment,
It is beautiful.

Soon I will wake up again
to the day I next see you
Like an old fashioned photograph
this day will be tinted a sunny rose
Making everything look like a summer's afternoon

Soon I will step out of this bed
and into your arms
I'll stretch pastel roses across your shoulder's skin
with a touch of peach pinching our tongues
We will watch the sun set

And as this sun says goodbye
the stars rise from their daylight slumber
Cold will seep through the soil, climbing the blades of grass
to tickle the soles of our bare skinned toes
And off are we to begin our own solid slumber

Only to find, that soon we will wake up again.

In the dark I felt your warm breath upon my lips
This shouldn't happen, nothing more will happen
My body and my mind bicker with each other
The internal conflict pains me so I grasp your hand

I grasp your hand and your heart quickens
How did this happen? Where is this going?
Your body tenses as if any movement will make this moment vanish
And in the dark you breathe your warm breath upon my lips

Your heart is not so well hidden, dark Siren
Not as you'd like to believe
What's hidden are your intentions
You know he feels differently now

You're looking at me but it is his reflection
I see in your crystal eyes
You smile at me, but is it genuine?
I swear I heard hate in your voice

With an innocent heart but defenses high
my eyes are locked on you, Siren
You sit upon your rock, waves lapping
and as you sing his name towards the shore
he and I will hold hands

It cannot be helped for one to think
that every distant smile
is directed to a lost lover

Unable to live fully in our present
my mind wanders to your past
I watch your heart swell for her

The artist wrote his lonely thoughts
No longer alone the record has stopped
Leaving only longing for the woman in his memories

A hot black temper lies beneath
that cold white face of soft beauty
Mother Moon peaks in the dark

Her lunar light penetrates those below
causing insanity and heartache
She does not love as a mother should

She is all that can be seen in this night
but with arms extended she is still out of reach

Forget Mother Moon
You will never be her Sun