That inexplicable fluttering in the stomach
a feeling in the air almost like held breath
if you keep still and silent
you can almost hear something coming
not music
not voices
but a silent tension that heralds
and i feel if i wait long enough
something exciting is going to happen
to me
any second now
if i can just keep still and quiet enough...
although what i expect to happen at my age
i don't know
it happens at the begining of every summer
and I feel a girl again
full of breathless inexplicable excitment
where you know anything can happen
and will...

He whispers
a grain of sand
into my shell like ear
it nestles
and grows
a perfect pearl
of paranoia

see him strut
see him preen
the nicest
he has ever been
but look to close
and you will see
underneath
the real he

the
thought

of
you

passes

across
my tongue

like

the
taste of
bitter coffee

He did everything
expected
of a true gentleman
tore foxes to shreds
and blew little birds
to smithereens

Her face alight
with laughter
and memories shared
She is young
once more
my mother

It's surface
a perfect plane
reflecting the glow
of autumnal trees
on the shore
above
a cloudless sky
a sudden breeze
frigid as the waters
mars perfection

The land of childhood
a time before
love
loss
and pain

full moon glowers
through a vent in the storm
fickle sleep comes
and goes as she pleases
we rise
to a bruised and bleeding dawn
both victim
to the black cloud

wind screams at me
sky a swirling vortex
of grey on grey
angry sea churns
all lumpy brown waves

no
revelation

is only
the struggle
                                         towards                                  light

that tone of voice you have
you know the one?

the thin sharp edge of amusement threaded through the wide band of self satisfaction
as you tell me
how you've never felt better
and a visit would have been nice
for ***
on sunday

but never mind
you say
i got a lot done

we can talk about africa
a childhood spent
we can lay things bare
pretend not to care (too much)
we can reminise
leave out main events
give the o'er a kiss
yet get behind pretence
and of course there's Twinnings tea

we spend our lives
standing still
and even the dead
stay dead

i am giving up desire

to break us

out
of
madness

we will run through its halls

like children

watched over
by

ourselves

Love is not
the burning storm
it once was
a light
flickering
in the distance
extinguished by
times indifference
only
beyond lies
the chance
of quiet space

sea
shore
and
sky

never weary

nor you...

can i come home
cant do this
no more
53
and
collapsed
on the floor
been
all over
Europe
in and
out
doors
drug ****** and
lifeless
really a bore

dead
    seahorse
eyes
    not
   borne on
       waves
             crest
curling pearl
  shells  
      rose gold sand flecks
                                  the desk

please dont give me
any advice
about infinities rewards
there are none

but then
theres the sun
the moon
and stars
birds
bees
deciduous trees
you
me
infinity

what was that
i
said

no I didn't go to work today

Words are only
a vibration
of the air
however bitter
they leave
no trace

truth has teeth
of that I'm sure
cos when it bites
bods bite back more

god we're a pair of ****** up kids
ugly yet so beautiful
why are we here
old while so young
we will live forever

plaster has fallen away
from fronts of buildings
laid bare
the brickwork underneath
like skeleton without flesh
jawbone & bared teeth
where cheek has been ripped away
death visits
and takes tea

oh god how is it possible
to love one another
so intensely
yet rub each other up the wrong way
no saving us
i want to dissipate into mist
invade your pores

I
inhale
a deep breath
not sure
which words
it will carry out

I come here
and scribble
telling strangers
what they don't ask

we've
      run
        through
                            all

our possibilities


         circle
come       full
        back


as much the same

                                                                        as differant


        s
          p  
        i
          r    
      a
          l
            s
   wiinth
    s
        p
     i
r
a
   l
      s

sunset

orange breakers
roll across eastern skies

moilandtoil

then

into the soil....

what is it
this thing we do

trying to paste pieces of infinity into scrapbooks

as if we could

yet somehow...

why do you love me better after
you've made me cry

i become supplicant
and your love swells

you become
sweet again

tender loving concern pours forth

i lie spent
on the floor
exhausted

is it exacted punishment?
                                         on all women?

on she who sent you to that place of inhumanity?

that destroyer of boys, men and
ultimately women

will it ever change

let me

sink

in
to

the

abyss

god how i loathe them

those beautiful
          dead
          insane
          female poets        you so Adore...


they touch you in places

i feel

i cannot reach


how i wish they would rise from the dead
                      
become ugly
               sane
               inane

im not sure if you want to **** them

or become them

both
i think

just be
you


dont
think about
who
that
is

a lake of gold

pools

on the ground around

my golden elm tree

sunrise and sets

of gold who is

as rich

as lucky me

illusions shattered

mirror shards

scattered
rending

self
image

hard

dawn

no longer rescues

me and the full moon

mock

your right up there
with the sunsets baby

full moon bright
and i dont mean maybe

hold me tight
.... ....   ....  ....  ....  .  


its just another friday night

everything looks washed

battered

hung out to dry

rain

falls

from a sour sky

fragrances transport you

to lands
you've never been

to mingle
with people

you've niether met
nor seen

from inside a shell
a few drops of ocean

pearled on my kitchen table

minute flecks of sand
many hued

golden
rose
and brown

scented air sun warmed soft breeze

butterflies drift my eyes do please

creamy roses nod their heads

i want to sleep in their petal strewn beds

the morning
moon

a
thin
pale
ghost

i am a witch
have foreseen my death

a waking dream growing closer

no time

all that your love brought

crystallizing
here on these shores

walking
wind swept
head bowed

the moon

a pearl

on
deep
velvet
blue

i like that you give me

your guts

and your bones

closed minds
shut

like
slammed doors

and you
may as well
both be

on foreign shores

on tree branch
bare

there sits

a bird

with song
as
sweet

as ever heard

i've
dreamed
of

jumping freight trains

and

althoineverhave

i
stay
on
the
wagon
of
more
than

one train

they                                          
           ­                                  go


                                      in

                  ­                                                             all


      directions