That inexplicable fluttering in the stomach
a feeling in the air almost like held breath
if you keep still and silent
you can almost hear something coming
not music
not voices
but a silent tension that heralds
and i feel if i wait long enough
something exciting is going to happen
to me
any second now
if i can just keep still and quiet enough...
although what i expect to happen at my age
i don't know
it happens at the begining of every summer
and I feel a girl again
full of breathless inexplicable excitment
where you know anything can happen
and will...

He whispers
a grain of sand
into my shell like ear
it nestles
and grows
a perfect pearl
of paranoia

see him strut
see him preen
the nicest
he has ever been
but look to close
and you will see
underneath
the real he

the
thought

of
you

passes

across
my tongue

like

the
taste of
bitter coffee

He did everything
expected
of a true gentleman
tore foxes to shreds
and blew little birds
to smithereens

Her face alight
with laughter
and memories shared
She is young
once more
my mother

It's surface
a perfect plane
reflecting the glow
of autumnal trees
on the shore
above
a cloudless sky
a sudden breeze
frigid as the waters
mars perfection

The land of childhood
a time before
love
loss
and pain

full moon glowers
through a vent in the storm
fickle sleep comes
and goes as she pleases
we rise
to a bruised and bleeding dawn
both victim
to the black cloud

wind screams at me
sky a swirling vortex
of grey on grey
angry sea churns
all lumpy brown waves

no
revelation

is only
the struggle
                                         towards                                  light

that tone of voice you have
you know the one?

the thin sharp edge of amusement threaded through the wide band of self satisfaction
as you tell me
how you've never felt better
and a visit would have been nice
for ***
on sunday

but never mind
you say
i got a lot done

we can talk about africa
a childhood spent
we can lay things bare
pretend not to care (too much)
we can reminise
leave out main events
give the o'er a kiss
yet get behind pretence
and of course there's Twinnings tea

we spend our lives
standing still
and even the dead
stay dead

i am giving up desire

to break us

out
of
madness

we will run through its halls

like children

watched over
by

ourselves

Love is not
the burning storm
it once was
a light
flickering
in the distance
extinguished by
times indifference
only
beyond lies
the chance
of quiet space

sea
shore
and
sky

never weary

nor you...

can i come home
cant do this
no more
53
and
collapsed
on the floor
been
all over
Europe
in and
out
doors
drug ****** and
lifeless
really a bore

dead
    seahorse
eyes
    not
   borne on
       waves
             crest
curling pearl
  shells  
      rose gold sand flecks
                                  the desk

please dont give me
any advice
about infinities rewards
there are none

but then
theres the sun
the moon
and stars
birds
bees
deciduous trees
you
me
infinity

what was that
i
said

no I didn't go to work today

Words are only
a vibration
of the air
however bitter
they leave
no trace

truth has teeth
of that I'm sure
cos when it bites
bods bite back more

god we're a pair of ****** up kids
ugly yet so beautiful
why are we here
old while so young
we will live forever

plaster has fallen away
from fronts of buildings
laid bare
the brickwork underneath
like skeleton without flesh
jawbone & bared teeth
where cheek has been ripped away
death visits
and takes tea

oh god how is it possible
to love one another
so intensely
yet rub each other up the wrong way
no saving us
i want to dissipate into mist
invade your pores

I
inhale
a deep breath
not sure
which words
it will carry out

I come here
and scribble
telling strangers
what they don't ask

scented air sun warmed soft breeze

butterflies drift my eyes do please

creamy roses nod their heads

i want to sleep in their petal strewn beds

just be
you


dont
think about
who
that
is

waves sigh
    across the sand

nothing begins

or ends

in
life

and what is


                                                                          far
                                                                           away


isnexttoyou

let me

sink

in
to

the

abyss

sunset

orange breakers
roll across eastern skies

he
fell

in love

of that
i'm sure

but

with

himself!

i'm out the door

it will

come

as a bit of a shock

i know

but

out of your ****

the sun

does
not
glow


you

can labour

the
point

till i

get up and go

but

arguing

never

made anything

so.......

god how i loathe them

those beautiful
          dead
          insane
          female poets        you so Adore...


they touch you in places

i feel

i cannot reach


how i wish they would rise from the dead
                      
become ugly
               sane
               inane

im not sure if you want to **** them

or become them

both
i think

you

whittled away so much of

me

to get

the shape you wanted

now cry

at the pieces

cast
down
on

the floor

you

got what you wanted not less but


“ more ”

oh infinity!

you sneaky *****


cold

as the stars


warm as the sun

when we touch

it's like a death

all the possibilities

in the space between us

die

infinities eyesight

given to

the

hunch
back

the infirm

and

the
really
quite

                                  ­                                 insane

everything looks washed

battered

hung out to dry

rain

falls

from a sour sky

like children

wepush

each
others

boundaries

both
bruising


we remain

mist rising in the valley

grey  g a u z e

pierced by dark green

when i walk a coastal cliff

face i want to wedge into

the eye socket gaze

out to sea forever

become
weathered

like the rock

summer heat

sparse lawns

unhappy looking

flowers end

ragged clouds race

fleeing the storm they bring

lightening shimmers

distant thunder cracks

dollar sized drops smack

cement wet smells

you is not me

i tried to be we

we is not me

you saw

i not see

trying to

hold onto

what

was never grasped

I wanted to post you some autumn leaves

blood red
jewel like
littering my garden

enclosed in an envelope they withered
darkened to dull

the love that nearly sent them glows

the morning
moon

a
thin
pale
ghost