You always take it with you
wherever you go
the heartache that comes from loss of dreams
from pain inflicted by lovers true
taylor made to exactly fit you

slowly withdrawing
fading away
soon there'll be nothing left
but my frown
like the cheshire cat's smile
turned upside down

sunny parks busy with people
flying kites
and throwing sticks
sailing model boats
on rivers and ponds
or just lying on the grass
taking the sun
reading books
while lovers touch and kiss
I always feel
the invisible screen
between these ordinary things of life
and myself
slightly blurred

It's kind of weird
I must admit
tho I've enjoyed
our close
it's also burnt
the honesty
has been a
toxic dose
we've laid bare souls
got it all out
this close is not
as put about

truth has teeth
of that I'm sure
cos when it bites
bods bite back more

From time to time
attempts are made
to obliterate
what has been written before
and inscribe something
completely new
but the ur-writing
always shows through
and there we read
two inerasable
though condradictory truths
economic imperitive
and the hearts affections

the gate stood open
and dewy grass
is still chiffoned
with mist
till spring sun
weak and warm
goes to work

The world is
a stranger place
than you or I
can imagine
we must each
cultivate
our own garden

see him strut
see him preen
the nicest
he has ever been
but look to close
and you will see
underneath
the real he

I move into some private space
looking for what brings me here
to this place at this hour
the church clock strikes midnight
bringing me out of my reverie
the last note sounds out across the green
rolling out beyond the sleeping cottages and farms
past the nearby meadows
over the silent flowing stream
finally fading to nothingness
in neighbouring valleys
outside I look up
brilliant stars shine down
on the dark unheeding village
I move on looking for what brings me here
to this place at this hour...

Your the biggest
fraud I've ever met
though I don't doubt
your not done yet
all those years
you lied to me
taking advantage
I couldn't see
the lies you told
the games you played
if you'd come clean
would I have stayed
duplicitys extent
now clear
mocking everything
held dear
you go on now
with more fake lives
behind your smile
conceal the knives
why do I cry
I should be glad
now all is clear
I just feel bad

bracelets
around your wrists
ruby drops against white skin
gifts to yourself
testimony to a fragile beauty
they fade

you shine

look at it
this poem
nothing
of it
no agitation
or dissipation
nothing of
passion
what is this poem
nothing of
anything?

I don't think I can do this anymore
or want to
we cycle in
and cycle out
push and pull
against each other
spiral up
and spiral down
pull towards
repel against
contained by love
that barbed wire fence

We invent
quests
for ourselves
to give our existance
meaning
the only result
is
to make ourselves
as fallacious
as the invention

Most of the time
I feel my old spirit
still rattling around
deep inside
but as a ghost
haunting my ruin

Words are only
a vibration
of the air
however bitter
they leave
no trace

Luminous!
she is just luminous
with ready smile
and laugh
no one knows
that underneath
she is dying
on the inside
black as coal
is her soul
my dear
my love
my daughter
always was
destined for slaughter

Ivied brick
and ancient beams
icy draughts
damp wall seams
smokey fireplace
crooked floors
gaping holes
instead of doors
run down sheds
home for cats
ambiance
fit for rats

bitterness
fills her mouth
a paralizing numbness
courses through her veins
as if
shes bitten
a suicide ampoule

A lost child
takes you all the way
and beyond
for
no matter what others tell you
of hope
urge you to strength
you are already over the threshold
into the grey land of loss
of grief
of living death

feelings on being dragged back
from that land
joy
gratitude
happiness painful in intensity
compounded by bewilderment
resentment
at being returned to that state
where crossing that threshold
still remains
a possibility

young girl
crosses the road
wearing enough
vibrant
red
lipstick
to stop traffic
she knows
***
has no timetable
many a man
has an appitite
for more than a sandwich
at lunchtime

Spring sunshine's loving glance
lights a repondant glow
in all things young
but she is not so kind
to the old
where man has been
exuberant nature is evidenced
in decline and decay
riotous hedgerows
unpruned trees
lank lawns
while nature prepares
to don Easter finery
the best you'll get from man
is shabby genteel

i fell
last week
onto
concrete
craked ribs i think
either way
sore
oh how i
swore

i'm looking at getting a global map up
with all the addys of everyone who responded
pinpointed somehow
just for fun
probably take awhile
anyway thats what I'd like to do
will link it when it's done

im kind of hoping
all this excruciating
humiliating
soul laid bare stuff
is leading us to a more honest place
otherwise....

over night love affair
do i dare
shock pervades
i stare
overnight
too spare

electric shock!
there you are
why didn't i see you
bright star
i knew

i'm just as trapped
by love
as you
what the Hell
are we going to do

interesting...
you tell me you'll stop writing to her
although we both know
you will still read her blog
every day
waiting....
it won't change anything
it will only hide your interest from me
and whats the point in that
shes still there
and so are you
i no longer pretend

now i'm not having *** with you
i won't let you pay any bills
isn't that the warped perspective...
i  
who always said i wasn't your *****

I sit on a beach
the sea is rough
a pair seagulls hurtle by
a mere foot above the waves
I try to imagine what it's like
to be them
moving through the air at that speed
looking down
wild ocean frothing foaming
surging below me
so close
that when a wave breaks
it reaches up to pull me under
feeling the cold spray splattering my chest

I
inhale
a deep breath
not sure
which words
it will carry out

pacing the floor
I'm going mad
this craving a drink is
beyond bad
up and down
and down and up
it runneth over
my despair filled cup
I don't want to think
or feel or see
this ugly mood
does that to me
all out of hope
and love seems
to hard
and writing poems
well I'm no bard
why can't I want more
of what I've got
there are plenty of others
without a lot
down and up
and up and down
writing this I feel
a clown

i am dying
and you are dead
and this is not
inside my head
we trod the boards
took the applause
now it is time
to close the doors
bow out stage left
decline encore
give breath
to life
not any more

It's been years
you knock on the door
i open it
you come inside
i close the door
we turn to each other
glide into each others arms
faces buried in each others necks
we smell
inhaling deeply
brains click into gear
a process started
i want you with ALL my being
you want me too tho fight it
we undress
no words spoken
clasping each other we couple
urget
over
fast
we cling
inhale each other deeply
again
slowly
we come to
start to part
feelings change
each feel ashamed
of this red hot raw
cool settles in
creates a din
in our brains
we separate
feelings abate
procreation...

A little flurry of snow
just blew past my window
wouldn't you think
the weather would know
It's spring.....?

oh to feel
the sun on my skin
so tired of this grey
I'm trapped within
no sunshine shadows
no blue in the sky
rain lashes the windows
I want to cry

how can you tell
the diffeance
between love
and gratitude
can somebody please tell me
cos I'm feeling quite confused
both of them make you happy
one of them sometimes sad
both of them fill your heart up
tho one can feel quite bad
I think I've found the differance
no need for your advice
love can make you miserable
but gratitude feels nice

Something you give
to someone else
while saying
you'll keep it

There is extraordinary
in the ordinary
how extraordinary

Black is the sky
this early morn
brought no relief
by rising dawn
torn by the wind
trees on dark grey
soon lashing rain
will come this way

Sometimes I sit here
all day
reading the poems
having a say
day passes by
nothing got done
leave it behind
outside I'll run
fluff bunnies beckon
don't heed their call
rather be out
watching leaves fall

Each
perfectly
enounsed
syllable
spills from her lips
and drifts down to the floor
rustling like dried leaves in the corner

This guy was So smooth
even a fly
would have difficulty
gaining purchase

"Nature"
seducer sublime
taking up all
of my time

***
those flowers
I can almost taste them
like icecream
berry and vanilla
delicious

He was an old man
before he was born
something about him
jaded and worn
now he is aging
and living a curse
re learning lifes lessons
stuck in reverse

Almost overnight the landscape
seems to have shrugged off
winters debilitations
and risen refreshed
garbed in the bright clean fabric of spring
the sun soars high
in a cloudless sky

Black
my soul at midnight
holds no hope
of dawn