you take
it all
you fake
a fall
you wait
for
an encore
but I
don't play anymore.

maybe if i pretend you don't exist
i can find a way to move on

but
how do i move on
when you're everywhere i want too be

You're such an optimist and that tears me apart because you don't view the world as I do. You don't feel the pain I feel or the sorrow that fills my bones when I'm not in your arms. You don't suddenly cry because the end for us is near and I'm counting the days. You don't fear the emptiness like I do because I've lived it and I don't ever want to fall back into the hole of melancholy. I am scared of what's going to happen to me when you leave and I'm alone at 3 am without you near. When I'm terribly lost and looking for pain. I am scared to be without you.  So when you're 6,000 miles away and forgetting all about the drunken nights and silly laughs we shared. Or the mornings spent in bed making love for hours at end. Or the afternoons where cigarettes and coffee filled our lovely silence. Or when you're looking into the eyes of the beautiful new girl who'll steal your heart and change your whole view on "love". When you simply forget to say that you'll always love me or miss me as much as I will always yearn for you.
Just remember I wasn't ready to be in love, but I still fell.  Oh dear love, I still fell.
*I am hopelessly and endearingly in love with this man.

You said "I love you."

And I think you should know, my dear love
that
I've completely fallen down

There's a war inside my heart,
I can't seem to depart
a dying soldier right from the start

these missles are going off, blowing me apart

The ruins of hurt and anger clouding my sight

running for my life, which way is right,
darkness or light,
give in or fight?

can I survive this destruction
or
should
I
hide away and save my self?

I am not ready.



but in the end I am the soldier

and you are the battle

and I am simply a forgotten casualty
in your
warzone

You blew me away on that cold November day

after you held me in your arms the night before

I was whirled about in your silent storm

after you whispered "You're safe with me."

Now here I am, the day it all began

and to you, I am nothing but

the

cold

unsettling

wind