i remember being a little girl and wanting nothing more than to grow up, go to high school and live my life to the fullest. i think back on that person now and i seriously envy that innocent mind. a mind that had yet to be exposed to all of the destructing things someone goes through. after some years, i realized that well known sayings like "what doesn't **** you makes you stronger" are complete *******. what doesn't **** you turns you into a weak being that you won't even recognize in the end. we live in such a demolishing society and i am so horrified that i have to live through this somehow. i cannot even begin to explain. last year, i used to go through these phases where i would hate everything and would feel like my life ******, but now i'm in this constant cloud, this constant fog of being angry at the world. this will never be something i get over, or something i will recover from. i now can say that i fully understand why some people are so angry at the world. what an effing revolting place we live in. adults crush your hopes and dreams with words they claim to be the "truth", friends turn into fake ******* you don't recognize, boys play you like they play their stupid sports, and most of all grades are the only thing that defines a person, and after that, it's how much money you make and how perfect your life is. we should be so ashamed that this is the way it is. the worst part of it all is that this will never change anything. this will go unheard. just like our individual lives when we have completed the competition that we somehow have the audacity to call life.
honestly, i just envy that untouched, oblivious mind that i used to have.

I wish I could shut all feelings and emotions down with a lever.
I say that I have.
But I also say i'm happy.
I guess we all tell little lies, don't we?

i now live without you.
but i would never consider this living.

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

but i don't have a 4.0 GPA
i don't pull enough all nighters
i need to work harder somehow

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

but everyone tells me i'm going to fail!
they are right
i will never be what i want to be

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

i am tired and broken down from pushing myself.
but i am still called lazy.
how does that make sense at all?

you would think that someone with such a sobering smile would know how to escape depression.

and just like that she vanished.
the soft golden strands of hair you once knew, now dark and mysterious.
her flawless skin, so soft and pure, now rough, beaten and cracked.
on her eyelids once was a shade of ocean blue, now her eyes are crusted shut with dried blood.
her contagious smile replaced with lips refusing to separate, too afraid to speak a word.
what happened to her you might ask?
what could have possibly turned such a prodigious person into less than the shell?
you tell me.