I am the sun. Perhaps I warm the surfaces of the rooms I walk into. I bring happiness to people who don't think about me much. But come too close to me, and I will burn you to your core. From far away, I am sobering, a reassurance to most. From far away, you will think everything is okay. But i warn you. Don't look directly at me. Otherwise you will see who I really am. You will suffer endless pain and regret the decision for the rest of your existence. I am the sun. Don't come too close.

I finally cut myself free from you. And it's the worst feeling in the world.

i remember being a little girl and wanting nothing more than to grow up, go to high school and live my life to the fullest. i think back on that person now and i seriously envy that innocent mind. a mind that had yet to be exposed to all of the destructing things someone goes through. after some years, i realized that well known sayings like "what doesn't **** you makes you stronger" are complete *******. what doesn't **** you turns you into a weak being that you won't even recognize in the end. we live in such a demolishing society and i am so horrified that i have to live through this somehow. i cannot even begin to explain. last year, i used to go through these phases where i would hate everything and would feel like my life ******, but now i'm in this constant cloud, this constant fog of being angry at the world. this will never be something i get over, or something i will recover from. i now can say that i fully understand why some people are so angry at the world. what an effing revolting place we live in. adults crush your hopes and dreams with words they claim to be the "truth", friends turn into fake ******* you don't recognize, boys play you like they play their stupid sports, and most of all grades are the only thing that defines a person, and after that, it's how much money you make and how perfect your life is. we should be so ashamed that this is the way it is. the worst part of it all is that this will never change anything. this will go unheard. just like our individual lives when we have completed the competition that we somehow have the audacity to call life.
honestly, i just envy that untouched, oblivious mind that i used to have.

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

but i don't have a 4.0 GPA
i don't pull enough all nighters
i need to work harder somehow

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

but everyone tells me i'm going to fail!
they are right
i will never be what i want to be

oh my dear do not worry!
it will all be okay.

i am tired and broken down from pushing myself.
but i am still called lazy.
how does that make sense at all?

i wish i didn't care.
that your words could float right through me, without hurting me,
that i could shrug it off carelessly.
but honestly you are the one who has torn me all up,
the one who made sure i never strayed too far,
you are the one who destroyed me.
and i'm expected to love you?

The stitches broke.
I tried to fix myself. To heal what others tore apart.
I tried to save myself countless times.
The stitches broke.
I looked up in defeat.
Nothing left to give. Everything drained.
The stitches broke.
My wounds were so **** close to being healed.
But another person always comes along to prevent it.
The Stitches broke.
And honestly this time i'm too tired to sew myself back together.

I don't want to run anymore.
                                            I think maybe
Maybe it's time to lay down.
                                            My legs are tired.