someday you will find the person to call you princess
see it radiate through the blush of your cheeks
your hushed laughter muffled by your hand
the way your hair disobeys your constant tucks and twists
behind your delicate ears
the gravel in your voice that never shifts
the way clothes drape on your curves; never cling.

Princess will be your name,
the way your match describes your smirks
and the way you twirl the jewelry around your joints
how you write your names together
and the doodles you do in the margin
the way you play with broken nails
and stroke your forehead when you're going to weep,
your lover will look longingly at you
and your perfect regal ways
will leave him thinking
my,
oh my,
oh my.

what makes me so unappealing?
is it the way my thighs briefly touch then curve
only to meet again?
my crooked smile?
tired eyes?
the way my hair curls and winds?
my attaching heart?
my small, needy hands?
my glistening blue eyes?
the wishes in the fallen eyelashes that I neglect
to brush from my cheeks?
my age that doesn't reflect my maturity?
the gaps in my brain that can never be filled?
my skeptic heart?
my pulsing wrists perhaps?
my slender neck that curves too late?
the crevices from mountains on my cheeks?
how have I become something I promised not be be?
why do I lack what other girls have?
where have I gone wrong?

I refrain from sleeping,
not because I don't want to rest,
not because I don't long to relax,
but because I dread the empty space between consciousness
and slumbering bliss.

the moments where I evaluate
every single wrong,
relationship,
reasons to be turned off,
and the lengthy time that lies ahead,
how I get from here to there,
and the way tomorrow will flow.

The rain beating down,
as puddles are skipped through.

no longer will there be frown,
but smile lifting each cheek.

as the rain bounces,
making damp feet.

the beads it creates on soft skin,
dampening it's touch.

shivering through your spine,
as you run.

spinning under storm clouds,
no shelter from nature's outburst.

it showers you so delicately,
each splash a relief.

I'm using this experience,
to become someone better,
a person who devotes more time to themselves,
and their own self pleasure,
I'm going to stop being 'me'
and start as someone else,
I'm going to tackle all my problems
and not leave them to cascade.

I will be the stronger person,
confidence will envelope me,
and I will rid self hate,
I will wear kaleidoscope colours,
and plait my wild hair,
I will light incense and candles,
and not give a ****,
I will get good grades,
and work as hard as I can,

I am over all of this,
although tears have been shed,
I am good enough,
and I won't just hide away in bed.

don't fall in love,
because you'll be the one that falls harder,
deeper,
faster,
and they'll leave and you'll just have those feelings,
and the constant reminder of them in everything you do.

I can't see anyone loving
my pudgy ugly face,
my wonky smile,
and dull eyes,
my stance and sway,
the size of my feet,
my laugh when I cry,
or the giggle that comes with joy,
the way I crack my fingers,
and how I arch my back,
I can't see anyone adoring a single thing about me,
can't see them longing,
to hold my little hands,
to squeeze me and pick me up
whenever I feel down,
I'm not very lovable,
I'm sure you all will see,
because there's far more within,
I am someone I would rather not be.