You highlight every imperfection
and take away my individuality,
but if I’m so replaceable then,
Darlin, let me pack my bags and leave.

You were my rock, my favorite lesson,
you became part of my identity,
but life has more to offer me than
your name and false stability.

Even when I meet your expectations,
you find shame in my abilities,
as if I served you with hesitation,
in a cause that I no longer believe.

Your damage will one day turn to blessing,
despite the negativity,
that overpowers a positive message
that almost became a part of me.

11.03.18

you came back home after the storm
to a broken town with your dreams restored,
yet I crave you in your purest form-
those brown eyes could keep a frozen heart warm.

the stories are all on replay
as we remember life back in the day.
it was never meant for either of us to stay,
but I prefer our paths crossed in His own way.

our past is written all over our skin.
a delicate map- where do we begin?
you're a beautiful adventure; I'd get lost again
in perfect moonlight, just to see where you have been.

10.21.18

My heart & my thoughts are so heavy,
deep down I know that I’m not ready;
I’ve healed so much- come so far
& my world finally feels steady.

But you’re the image of protection,
your guarded scars appear in your reflection;
you’ve felt too much- built who you are
& it inspires this connection.

Keep riding in and out of my dreams
like the hero I never wanted to need;
I’ve written too much- stuck like the cigar
on your lips as you read.

I’m a secret that’s been freed.

10.16.18

I see you take your time, and I don't blame you-
there's danger out here everywhere.
Your eyes meet mine and I come to
see the truth in every dare.

It's not easy on the outside, but you know I'd take you in,
treat you like you're mine and let a new cycle begin,
because you deserve to know someone who won't let go,

and I crave showing affection.

10.13.18

I'm not looking for a fight, even though I could,
but would doing what is right even do me any good?
Whether I was the beginning or the end, my curiosity
will only fuel your continuation to defend monstrosity

after all of these years.

I chose to be quiet; I wanted time to be my nurse,
but I'm still unsure why it developed into my curse.
I've accepted who I am; I'm not what you created,
although I may never understand why I hesitated,

because now speaking up is easy.

I'm part of an army of those who have felt *****;
cleansed by a Savior and proven worthy.
I'm not seven years old and naive,
like those around you who refuse to believe

that molestation: your past and your disease

your haunting ghost every time you think of me.
you're undiagnosed and walking around so free
but there's more than the surface with you.
you're out in the open now....

me too.

(DS)

9.29.18

hunt me, find me, hiding in the dark,
then lift me, and rip me and my old life apart.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling
or what You're revealing,
but I want to do it Your way this time.

cleanse me, defend me, shame fills an empty past,
then mold me, while you hold me as if I've never asked.
I'm not sure what I'm doing
or how it's me You're choosing,
but I want to do it Your way this time.

<3

9.29.18

I was sitting here listening to the rain,
like a broken record, the same ole same.
My life's on repeat and there's no one to blame
but me.

Innocently, you come walking through the door,
it's an occasional tactic, you've done it before.
Speaking happily that God has so much in store
for me.

Like an old hidden letter you take me back,
reminding me that it hasn't always been that bad.
If there was ever a shining melody lost in my past,
it'd be you.

They say to hold onto the moments that give you joy,
and then there's the way you played that cello, Boy.
The tune in my head that I'll never fully destroy-
it's you.

Thank you.

7.29.18