What I would have given to hear your heartbeat,
Than to hold your ****** hand,
I would have given you all my love,
Played with you in Southern California sand,
I hope the Lord sings to you above,
I hope the heavens know your laughter,
That you are safely sleeping tonight,
I pray for you in the life that comes after,
This life that's stolen my maternal right

I still dream of you one day playing catch,
With your father out on an open lawn,
But that dream is forever never to be etched,
And he has long been gone,
The beautiful little family we could have made,
Now I'm lost with out you,  loveless and afraid,
What I would have given to hear your heartbeat.

Red hair pale skin vulnerable necks where do I begin
A supply of scarlet surrounded by a surface so thin
A pin or a ***** piercing this species so stupid and senseless
Love for me but just lust to them, deserving to be defenseless
Ripped away from innocence as the hour reaches midnight
Repeated nightmare in my head can't cure this blight after the bite
Slight discomfort but mostly delight hungering for it as I write
Frightened as the feeling heightens after finished I despite
myself. Leaving quick before the sunlight rises above
Sick of continuing on this road, body was overtaken but nothing left to dispose of
Proceeding on to live a hidden life, rumors go around but never found out
Uncertain about the route that should be taken, mind filled with constant doubt
Go about your daily lives cause soon enough I'll be laying in my coffin to sleep
Black sheep different and deceiving this secret only I can keep

I have always sympathized with the wrong people,
feeling worse for a killer than I do his victims.
It explains why I’m still able to love you and not myself.

And I wish that I could write
of pleasant things, of smiles and summer days,
But they would be dull, lifeless words,
that lie limp on the page,
like dusty plastic flowers.
My soul finds beauty in the palms of sorrow,
amid the lines of worry and heartache,
such beauty, that it can, and will,
describe it forever.

i want twigs and leaves for hair
and oak for skin
i want moss at my feet
and dirt beneath me
i want to surround myself
with nature

i want your blood in my veins
and your tongue in my mouth
i want your ribs in my chest
and your cologne on my skin
i want to surround myself
with you

whatever happened paradise land
the one you had once promised?
you said that good fortunes are endowed
to ones who obey His demands
but those are just hollow declarations now
ones that billow up in winter's breath
if i resist, i am condemned to darkness
if i inhale, i fall prey to your lies
so where does someone like me go now?
embark on a new path fraught with peril
or stay entrapped?  suffocating in your hands?
i don't want to betray myself
but i can't bear to rip you apart

A random times in the day
The light in my head blinks on
Emitting glorious ideas
Of lyrics and melodies in my head
Some I recognize
Others I do not
They go away faster than they came
Like a stallion in a horse race
Too quick to write down or even sing
So the thoughts go to waste
Until I'm in another place
Where you cannot be received
O' how you torment me so?

A little whisky can go a long way
By yourself on a lonely sunday
While all your friends are seeing one another
Doing the same thing that i'm doing, but together

A little whiskey can go the wrong way
When you've had too much
Your mouth begins to burn
Then nothing, it's numb

Along with the rest of your body
Your minds at work,
But it's ready to resign
Is this by coincidence or by design?

It's going to be a long night
If I can't refrain
From fighting with myself
But what does it matter?
I have nothing to lose, nothing to gain

I'm trapped in my mind
With a bottle jammed down my throat
Finding it hard to breath
And wondering why?