Like a rock in the sea, I'm drowning
The voice inside me screams for help
But my mouth ignores my mind
Nervous it will cause a fight
I'm scared of the people around me
Are they even people at all
They look at me strangely
What the hell is wrong with me
It's better to just run off and hide

I wipe away the tears and see my guardian angel
She holds out her hand and speaks such soothing words
'Dont be afraid of the people' she says ' I swear they don't bite'
Something changes inside me
I see the monsters all around me aren't monsters at all
They are just human
Just like me
M fear disappears and I'm no longer drowning
I'm swimming back to safety
Suddenly I feel alright

You think the thick blackness under my eyes looks like
War paint.
Like I am going out to battle the world and defeat one and all
that dare stand before me.
You think this thick darkness under my eyes looks like
Attention seeking.
Like I am silently screaming for people to notice me
and come closer.
I only draw in those
enchanted by demons
in love with darkness
at home in the night.
You say that eyes are the window to the soul. You are right.
And I am shuttering mine.
But my war paint does not help me battle
the world
My war paint helps me hide the battles that rage
inside me.
I could cry
Wash it away.
Let it go and surrender
and then let you in.
But when you see me
I see myself, reflected
in your eyes
and my own verdict
is damning.

I know you'd be happier
Without all of the struggles
I've brought along
But without you
Where would I be now?

You've made me laugh
Hell, you've even made me cry
I guess opposites attract
And we're too similar
For you to think of me
Any other way
Than you do already

I'm happy
I truly am
The sky more blue
The grass more green
The only thing
That could make me happier
Is *you

All I want
is to dig you up
Push you out of my skin like oozing
pus, watch with intent and disgust as you
slither away from my desiccated corpse
I want you out of my head, I want you out of my
heart; I can feel the home I made for you in them
and that’s just it, it’s all my fault
I wanted this

It all flooded at me
and the floodwaters never fell away
Never ceased, constantly rising within my bones
Growing, reaching outward, mighty waves built
only to crash down upon a wavering shoreline
I did this all to myself in the end and you were just a part

This mess
is all mine to mop up,
so, I still cannot find all the words
to mend my own scars and I still
pick at the scabs and I still have not
found the right way to dispose of your dying memory
but it’s a start, a step that I’m taking to kick up some dust

I'm sorry
I just don’t think I can live with a definite noose around my neck
Ready to step off some creaky chair at every notion of
the lack of your affection

DDD
*(11/9/2013)