Sitting in a crowded restaurant with a table too far to put your elbows on and you wonder if this is how it feels to be well mannered
He smiles, innocent and pure, deceiving your naïve mind
"We've grown apart, it's been months and I still can't sleep, how did you do it so fast?"
He parts his lips like he is going to say something but pauses almost as if it is a death sentence he does not want to give. A pounding on a gavel, a mother gasps in a courtroom, handcuffs fitting too tight.
He says, "Part of growing up is picking and choosing your battles and you just aren't one I want to fight anymore."

How beautiful it is to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged at them
How beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears

When your body feels foreign and abandoned
When your hands are shaking more
than the soil before an earthquake occurs
When your words seem to only grow louder
but never have more meaning added to them
They are only adding fuel to this fire that never should have started in the first place, there was not much to do after it started
Just watch it burn, feel it pierce your skin
When he yells, when he hits, when he yells more
Do not let it dismay you
Wipe the blood from your face, do not cry
There is no use in showing more weakness to this man
This man who claims to love you will tower over you
Holding you hostage, peeling off your innocence
Do not scream, do not alert the neighbors
Everything will be alright just wait until this is over
Let the silence resonate in your ears
Do not flinch when he yells again for he will only feel more superior
Do not fight for yourself after it all because you know he loves you
Deep down it is not just anger
You swear deep down he's a good guy

I find myself wanting to get in a life threatening accident just to see if you would come and visit me in ICU
If it would even cross your mind to see how I was doing
Or if you would go to her house instead and talk about how tragic it must be for my parents
Find your solace in her lips
Wrap your arms around her body like putting on a seatbelt
Fall into her kiss like falling out of a passenger door
Lay next to her in her bed having no trouble breathing at all
I wonder if you will think of me
How my lungs are gripping air in its palms pulling it in with every ounce of strength they have
How they are fighting to keep me alive
Blood pumping, adrenaline running up and down this highway
Heartbeat faster than the day I fell in love with you
Mind racing, body aching, a tornado of agony awakening within me
And you will be comfortable, sending a text to my mother saying that you were sorry for what happened
I wonder if you even would be sorry
I find myself risking everything for just one more miracle
But sitting behind the steering wheel of a car
I can never bring myself to swerving into the other lane or into a tree or off a bridge
Because although I am curious what would happen
I cannot risk dying without knowing if maybe one day you would come back without me having to be on the edge of death first

You told me that you still think about us but that it does not mean you do not want to be with someone else
And in a strange way it gives me comfort to know that you could see a girl with long black hair walking down the street or hear my favorite song on the radio or even catch the smallest trace of my scent on that old T-shirt and if it just for a fleeting moment you feel a pang longing for me somewhere in your heart
Even if it is small like a cancer cell
I wonder if it will grow
Extend this body of harm,
Poison your emotions with the stains of our love
Or if maybe her love will attack this parasite
And leave me unidentified as if I were never there in the first place
Towering over me like a building with a plane about to crash into it
The audience wonders if the pilot will turn in time
I hope she falls in love with you
And I hope she feels the silence in her bones when you kiss her
I wonder if you will think of me
Let the world whisper love letters I never sent to you in your ears
Let each letter be carved into your lips, hoping it does not stain hers enough for her to notice when she is getting ready for dinner
And I only just hope you will leave the radio on

I love watching the world fall asleep
Tucked underneath a skyline blanket of atmosphere winking at stars as if it's something that's it's not supposed to do but it's beautiful anyways
Lying beneath the quaking sound of the interstate cars running wild burning up gas like wildfire smoking the ceilings of bedrooms
Backseats made to feel like a home
The world is falling asleep and I am lying awake
Loving someone who is loving someone else
Watching her drift into unconsciousness like it is the first movie he has ever seen
Watching her while I am watching the world
I wonder if we are looking at the same thing