I want to be a good writer,
I'v practiced time and time again, but the thing is
writing isn't like math or science
you can't just copy solutions to the same problems
over again,
it has to be original.
Something never seen before, something that makes
the crowd hold their breath,
something that makes you think
maybe theres more.
Putting feelings into words
to try and make a difference in at least someones life
but constantly doubting that anyone will care,
Always trying to help someone else
because you cant help yourself
and hoping that someone will help you
but knowing no one can,
trying your hardest to love others
when you can't even love yourself,
constantly thinking what others think
because your own opinion doesn't matter to you
but hope one day it will matter to someone else,
trying to prove you're strong
when all you think of yourself is weak and sad
and all those other names people put in your head,
you put in your head,
writing is not about proving people wrong,
its about proving yourself wrong.

I've always held my pencil weird.
I once had a first grade teacher try and
"correct it" for me.
Thats when I knew I didn't like the way
I held my pencil anymore.
That was an example of how when
someone is trying to
fix something,
It can make you hate that thing.
When I was little, I really liked food.
Every woman that I grew up around talked about
calories and dieting,
flat stomachs and thigh gaps.
So when I was a teenager
I tried to correct myself.
Thats when I knew I didn't like food anymore.
That was yet another example of how when
everyone is trying so hard to
fix something,
It can really make you hate that thing.
I still hate how I hold a pencil and
I think about it every time
I sit down for a meal.