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Jenn Mar 2015
08.08.14: I look in the mirror and I see the fingerprints seared into my skin. I see all the things you called
| beautiful |
and see them as
ugly
tainted
and defiled.
Because you built up an image of me I never could see, when you left it came crashing down even lower than before.
Now I hate words like:
"I'm sorry",
"I love you",  &
"I won't leave".
Because you did everything you said you wouldn't.
You weren't sorry—you're dating someone else.
You don't love me—you lust me.
You left.
And now I've got a void called my heart that's filled with shattered pieces after you bulldozed through my life.
Thanks for the poison memories and toxic dreams.
Jenn Mar 2015
I will never understand how
the biggest rose,
can be supported
by the smallest stem.

I will never understand how
the most beautiful things,
can be handled the roughest.

And I will never understand how
the hardest things to go through,
are the most valuable lessons to learn.


Love is not without a price.
Supported means your weight
is someone else burden.



I will never understand the letters
that tear my fingers to shreds
as I pull out the heart
you left on every tear stained page.


Love is pain.
Pain that you gain
in waves of regret
crashing upon banks of memories.



I will never understand how
the green in the grass
matches the green in my face
when the word 'love' comes to
grace the air with its presence.


Love is the crying in the corner,
and the hollow 'i love you's
that stream through the cracks,
at the bottoms of doors.



The bones of your past
are welded together
to make a beautiful disaster
of hopeful dreams upon the
wings of butterfly kisses.

Butterfly wishes
that move through the wind,
as a new found romance
reminds you the pains of your past.

And the broken shards that seep
through your freckles
are all out for the world to see,
but cover up,
where's the bb cream
no know can know
what the walls of my bedroom do.

The strains of my past
and the cracks in the gaps
between the letters of
'i love you'
that don't come without a price.

I will never understand
why the sun rises to kiss the treetops
and how the birds still sing
in the midst of a hurricane.
But I guess some things are meant to be misunderstood.
  Feb 2015 Jenn
B
You don't love someone if you can leave them for days without warning.
You don't love someone if your happiness means more to you than theirs.
You don't love someone if you can lie straight to their face and not feel the slightest bit guilty.
You don't love someone if seeing them cry doesn't shred your heart to pieces.
You don't love someone if you get angry at them for being upset and they don't open up to you right away.
You don't love someone if you make them feel guilty for things that are out of their control.
You don't love someone if falling asleep to their voice isn't the most comforting thing to you.
You don't love someone if their laugh isn't your favorite sound.
You don't love someone if when you look into their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself.
You don't love someone if when you kiss them, your mind doesn't go completely fuzzy and you can still remember your name.
You don't love someone if being in their arms doesn't feel like home
You don't love someone if you allow your friends to talk badly about them and you agree.
You don't love someone if just hearing their name doesn't make you smile.
You don't love someone if making them happy isn't one of your top priorities.
You don't love someone if you can admit that they love you more.


    

                                    B.S.
Jenn Feb 2015
I wish I could be there with you
and wipe away your tears
and go pummel whoever made you cry
in the first place


and I wish I could help you
make your dreams come true so you
would believe that all you ever needed
to do was believe in yourself
so you could fly


and I wish that I could tell others
of how wonderful you are
even with all the scars of the past
and remind them that they have pain too
but not to let that get in the way
of the light your bring to the table


and I wish oh how I wish you knew
that you are loved and cared for
and designed for a greater purpose
than the bleakness in front of you now..
I hope one day you realize these things.
Jenn Jan 2015
Somehow we all learn
to hide our secrets.
No one has to teach us we just
Know that sharing means
retribution
condemnation
judgement

and abandonment.
So we keep it inside.
We know better than to share

But baby hear me,
when I say the only way
to forgiveness
healing

and freedom
is to share our secrets and
hold out hope that
the other person will
love you anyway.
I promise to love you no matter the burdens and baggage you bring to me.
Jenn Jan 2015
Sitting behind the pen and paper
looking at all the scribbled out words
and realizing nothing is making sense anyway.


I'm sorry
I've let you down again
I can't even bear look
at myself anymore
*I was supposed to be so much better
than this.
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