What do you believe?
How could you believe it?
Do you believe in me, do you believe in you?

Define faith and tell me what you see.
The **** it says.
The pain, it all lingers.
The lies it tells.

So stop lying to me.
Stop the deception before it glorifies.
Before it resurrects itself in you, in me.

What comforts you when you lie to my face?
What do you have that lets you fall asleep peacefully beside me?
What do you hear when you tell me you’re in love?

Because I don’t believe in you.
I don’t believe you.
I can’t sleep
I can’t close my eyes.
I can’t hear because I just can’t listen anymore.

You have been the greatest risk in my many investments.
Such insignificant ventures were crowding my record,
Taking up space and giving little value.
But even in failure, I never was fully spent.

It was when I gave you all I had, that I gave away my own warning.
The one that reminds us that having nothing to lose just leaves us all worthless.
The one that explains why you cannot ask for more without a fair exchange.
But there once was a time I would always find the value in what was worthless to most.

I thought of the beauty that would come alive out of destruction.
I thought of the sun when it hid behind the clouds.

I believed in the ultimate victory after the seemingly endless fight.
I believed that pain would always fade into another pleasant day.

I saw the diamonds in your eyes.
I saw treasures in the wreckages.

I found meaning in every moment, every thought, and every dream.
And it fooled me into searching for something more.
It seized me when I thought that quitting while you are ahead was only for the quitters.
But the false pretenses fooled me into thinking there was always another stop to the next milestone.
There was always more to give in hope of that greater return.

But when I first left my safety zone, I was not aware that I was the destruction.
I was the dark cloud covering the sun, the fight against the better day.
The rock covering the shine of the crystal, the wreckage that washed and hid away the treasures.

And when I gave all I had, I lost my way, I lost my direction.
I lost the map that would always guide me towards the next milestone.
I lost all that I had saved, all I once preserved.
And with nothing left to give, there is just no merit.

As I crumble under the wreckage,
All I see is my initial investment.
An insignificance
A dead weight
A depreciating value to all that I once saw.

How I miss that beauty.
How I miss that hope.
How I miss believing that my guide had no end.
How I miss the treasures I would trade to keep going.
Just for one more stop. One more mile.

How I miss you.

I gave you a taste,
And since then you’ve been killing my senses.
Gave you a piece,
And one by one they dissipated into oblivion.
I see a little bit less,
And ignore the murmuring whispers.
Until I lose all control.

I carried the weight,
I put it all on my shoulders.
I handled the load,
Drove it out of your reach.
Untouchable to your delicacy.
A heavier burden than I could lift.
Until I lost control.

I watched the nights go by,
Awake yet barely alive,
Living to keep you pleased.
So tell me, are you pleased? Are you pleased?
My head’s spinning,
My body’s shaking.
And now I’m out of control.

I told you slow was manageable.
I told you I understood.
So forgive me for waking up feeling like time should no longer be wasted.
Because suddenly I realized that you never took the time to understand.
And suddenly I was aware that true love does not waste.

It began when I felt myself pushing away in my mind.
But it manifested itself in that extra space between us when we sat by the water.
And then was when I recognized how I hold you a little less and just a little less tightly.
I recognized how I no longer search the crowded room for those eyes,
or gaze at your face every time we drive.
Because I can't ever feel the pain again, the pain that is far too familiar.
And I saw it coming when I finally looked around the crowd.

I was suddenly aware of how much I have given,
and that now I have nothing left.
The more I let go of, the more I thought I would get something better in return.
The more I thought that the love I wanted was worth more than everything I could ever have.
But with nothing left to give, I still do not have what I struggled to attain for so long.
With nothing left to give, I realize that I never stopped half way, I just kept going.

I kept going so far that you did not even have to blink an eye.
So far that it pains me to have come to the realization,
that it is time to turn around.
Go backwards on what brought me so far, and what could have brought me further.
But everyone needs the slightest incentive to keep going.
And you never even blinked an eye.

Words are meaningless to most,
those who do not truly understand.
Yet they can be just as deceitful to those who look for wisdom and worth.
Those who want others to give them the answers to the questions they cannot find on their own.
And the ones most deceitful are the ones most generic.

What does not **** brings strength. Do you feel stronger?
If you do not succeed, keep trying. Yet insanity is defined by just this.
To have loved and lost. Is it better?
Because when all you do is lose, what is left?
A broken memory, a broken heart, sheer frustration.
And when you cannot succeed, why go mad?
Why let the one you love go, when you should really be fighting for their want to stay.
Because when cheating death leaves you paralyzed, what is the point to lose, to go insane?

Pace is a matter of tracking time.
It tracks the heart racing, and it is circumstantial.
The best things in life can speed up the heart's pace, yet so can the worst.
Running away or running forward will lead to the same rate.

But what game are we playing here?
What line are we trying to cross?
Slow and steady may win the race,
but only if you are playing the game.
And I find no need to find that finish line,
because I do not believe there is time to lose finding the way there.

All I want is to take advantage of this very second,
and track the rate of my heart at this very moment.
And I want to grab hold of you and let you know,
that if this second was spent away from you, my heart would no longer beat.

I want to let you know that in this second,
no one loves you more than I do, and no one ever can.
I want to show you that every second.
Because time is not to be wasted.
The clock will stop.

And when it does I do not want your time to be spent without knowing.
Without being aware that you were the one to make my heart race,
make it slower, steadier, and at times, untraceable.
Yet your only goal is to win the game, slow and steady.
Wasting every second that should matter more now than when the clock started.

Life goes on for most, but her pain persists.
Her pain is more profound, more sustained than most.
And she hides it every time she is faced with another.
She hides it until she feels comfort, and releases the demons inside,
believing that maybe this time it will be different.
But it never is.

The demons grow stronger every time he walks away.
They haunt her dreams, her thoughts. There is no escape.
But she never loses hope.

She believes it when she tells herself, "This time is different."
And she truly believed it this time. She thought she would be saved.
Because she prolonged the exposure to ease the fear in him.
But now simply watches as the cycle comes back 'round.

She sees him pushing away, looking for another less daunting.
And she watches it again and again,
but this time just waits to give up a little more strength without any trepidation.
She stares in her drink and takes another sip as she watches him slowly moving away,
just waiting for the next cycle to start its course.