When I tell someone I am different than most people,
I do not mean I am better. I do not mean I have lived more.
I mean it as a warning.
Take caution before you want to get inside of me.
Because when you do, there is no turning back.
And when you do, you will see the pain that I see.
You will hurt until you cannot hurt anymore,
and eventually this will lead to our demise.
Whoever you may be this time around.

Because when I say I am different,
I am the only one aware of the reality behind it.
The difference in me hides behind the lies.
It scares away with a single threat.
And it destroys every bit of humanity inside of me.

The difference in me is disguised by the outside world,
and deceives the smartest of men.
Because it digs deeper.
So deep that it will never leave.
The pain never departs from my soul.
And soon enough it always shows itself,
only long enough to scare away whoever dare try to fix its need for destruction.

My vengeful heart will never let you stay.

I hold onto one penny with dear life.
Looking in no one would exactly understand why.
I have held it with me for over a year now, as my reminder.
Something so meaningless, so worthless to any other,
is worth more than everything to me.

You left it behind one morning, and it was all I had of you then.
And it was the morning I knew how much you were worth to me.  
Because every time you left, I had nothing to hold onto anymore.
After holding on all through the night, and pulling myself closer to you,
even when there was no meaning between us,
I always needed a part of you with me.

Because though we seemed disconnected to those looking in,
though we seemed to lack meaning or worth,
You meant everything to me.
And that penny is my reminder.
A reminder of the beginning of this priceless love we now hold even dearer.
And now that is what stays with me,
every time you walk out the door.

This time I know,
you will come back to me.
And this time I know,
you are worth more than every penny in this world.
But I will still never let that first one go.

Never did I realize how blind I have been.
That the look you gave her is the look I always wanted from you.

I created a fog, a dark haze, and it clouded my better judgment.
I blinded myself from reality.
I created a dream, this beautiful dream where you and I could be.
and I am now waking up to my nightmare.
Still half asleep, avoiding the inevitable.
Half of my subconscious continues to sleep,
continues to live in denial while the rest move on without me.

Because I remember finding you talking to her.
You say you do not care, but I would do that for you.
And I remember the words you muttered under your breath,
hostile towards her new love that is not you anymore.
You say it does not matter, but those are words I would speak for you.
And as time progresses, the path seems to get clearer.
I find the strength I let go of, thinking that being weak and vulnerable would be alright.
But it never was okay.

To be blind again is all I long for. How weak does that make me?
Seeing clearly means seeing pain in the beauty that stood before the haze.
Seeing clearly means waking up from my dream,
and living in this nightmare.
Where I am the last one you will see.

And by then it will be too late.
It will be too late.

In the darkest of moments, there is one thought that saves me.
The thought of you, and a look you give me.
Whether it is across the room or right in front of me,
you do something that takes it all away, all of the bad.
This look stops time. It blurs our surroundings.
In a crowded room, you make me feel like you and I are the only ones there.
You scrunch your forehead, and you soften your eyes.
You give me this smirk as you tilt your head, until you cannot help but smile.
And I never take my eyes away from the beauty in yours.
The power of that one look, the power it has to melt away the pain.
It is the slightest moment, yet it freezes time long enough for me to grab hold of it.
And I hold onto that feeling, that memory, with dear life.
Because it saves me when I am low, and it brings me back up.
Just the slightest look is all it takes for you to move me so deeply.
It is your touch that makes me shake. Makes my mind race and my heart beat faster.
I lose my focus and lose the ability to make sense of anything, to find any meaning,
because all I can see is you. And you are my only focus. You are all that makes sense.
It is being in your arms that makes everything feel real, and better than what anyone deemed possible.
These constant sensations, uncontrollable sensations, they show me how great you really are.

No one has made me feel time actually stop.
Frozen in time, I will never take my eyes away from you.  
And I will give you everything, I will give anything,
to let you know what the world looks like when time stops.
Such a beautiful perfection, and all it takes to get there is the look in your eyes.

Who knew that all of the sensations were real?
The ones that we all find foolish.
We find that all of the words are staged, until we become part of the play.
The extremes become the means to our existence.
A broken heart? Who would believe such a thing?
Such an impractical diagnosis.
An empty mind? An impossible conviction.
A pain so sharp, a knife so long and wide, that all that is left remains numb.
Doubtful at best.
All of these disbeliefs thrown into an everyday life.
The disbeliefs that were experienced from the other extreme not long before.

Who would believe love can stop time?
That it could defy the rules of nature and create the calm after the storm?
That it finds life when death transpires?
That it could bring two lives into one?

I did.

I believed it all, and what a fool I have been.
So now I have lost all faith,
all trust that these feelings can coexist with our everyday lives.
I am a fool who has been deceived. A fool who has lost meaning even in deceit.

And now I remain numb in the storm of reality.

Alone.

As we all start, and we all end.

Love is a privilege, never to be exploited.
It heals, it protects and secures. It does not spoil.
A passionate fire, tender and devoted. A single adoration.  
It is the light that guides those who have been lost and those who yearn to be found.
It is hopeful. It brings beauty to those who cherish it.
It is taken when it is given, reciprocated with no distress.

Yet this is no give and take.
And the lights can be turned off as easily as they turned on.
Blinding the hearts and minds that once saw the vibrancy in the infinite possibilities,
and creating an imbalance in the once stable world.

I have lost myself in a darkness, no longer aching for an illuminated path.
Only searching to disable these waves of affection drowning my thoughts.
And soon I will find, a lack of passion, a lack of hope,
they do not lead to hatred. They simply leave me numb.
With a pain so unbearable, that there is nothing left to trade.

The light has taken itself away from me, the spiteful light,
leaving behind only the memories of the last visible shadows that once were you and I.

And as I fade into the obscurity,
I stand alone with no hope to be found again.

Can love be defined in one true form?
For this love is the greatest masterpiece
Architected by the moments that stop the beating of our hearts.
This love is the cool breeze on a hot summer day,
the beauty in the sunrise after an agonizing night.
This love is a true release,
the one that brings the relief of all of the tension and heartache.
A reminder of life in the midst of all the pain and loss.
The most refreshing comfort in an uneasy world.
A repair to all that is broken, mending all pain, all wounds.

This love cannot be explained in a moment, or in any given time,
For it is infinite. It is timeless.
Immortalized by the host of my heart.