I am but a skeleton,
A misprinted society element.**
I lived to the hum of my own melody,
A disapproved version of achieving ecstasy.
Those around me didn't like that very much,
Made me feel crazy, distant, and such.
Then, one day, I came to find,
I was one of few with such an open mind.
Pressured with conformity, I remained organic,
Such a rebellion filled them with panic.
So here I lie, a pile of bones
They ripped me to shreds, no trace with their ghost.
No one realized, for they were confined,
Stressing to stay structured, to keep their design.
But in the near future, they all will see,
The one they cold-heartedly killed is with whom they now agree.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

I don't know...
I know the things I want in life
I want a family
I want to open a bakery
I want to be a grandparent
die old, retired, and happy

But I don't know
I don't know if I'll get married
and if I do get married
I don't know if I'll get divorced
or have children
or be able to open my bakery

For all I know
I could die young
I may not fall in love again
Or maybe I will fall in love
but be barren and not be able to have kids

There is beauty in the unknown
there is also a ton of anxiety
but beautiful in that your life could be anything
no matter what plans you have
no matter how determined you are
no matter what means you come from
life is spontaneous and unpredictable
like New England weather
or a cat -
no one knows what cats are up to...
they are

Unpredictable and subject to change
No matter what we want we need to be pliable
and ready for change when it hits
because it will happen to us
we will be given something unexpected
and we will have to mold and adapt

I'm learning this the older I get
I don't know how my life will end up
I could die today
or in 50 years, there's no way of knowing
so I don't know
I guess I just have to keep hoping my plans
come to fruition but I don't know if they will
and it worries me
just because the unknown is beautiful
don't make it any less scary
and I'm scared
simply because
I don't know.