My Epitaph
I wonder how it'll go
or, who'll write it ,
I don't know
But I want you to be there,
when they bury me in the cold ground,
Alone and forsaken
Aloof from your world
A world I could never be a part of
A world parallel to mine
And so I would want you there,
for one *last time
but not with your family or wife
Just the two of us ..like old times
"Just the two of us"man , how come you made a corpse cry?
And I don't know about afterlife
as this is the first time I'll die
pardon my illogical line ,
I did it for a smile
I wish we could die together ,
and have you there by my side
and go through eternity side by side
or be born again ..and be able to make you mine this time
but for now, this world needs your pure soul , and warm smile
so just promise me this ..you won't abandon my grave? (like you abandoned my life)
and visit me ,at least once or twice..or maybe not as you've your own life
(and a family and a wife)
but if you do visit , i hope my epitaph makes you smile
as it'll go like this
"still yours...
here lies the girl who never moved on like you did*"

I wanted to love every space
and every missing piece -
I wanted to see.

From the moment your
warm hands held mine
I felt safe, and I knew
this would be more.

I needed to know every
wonderful secret
every dark thought,
I wanted to know you.

To stick my fingers in
the little gaps of your
soul, I wanted to feel
everything you felt.

I wanted you to feel whole.

I desire to know every
dark nightmare,
the smell of blood
still thick in your mind.

Every dream and
every regret
I wanted to feel it all.

But-
I hesitate.

I need you to know
the love I've felt
and hidden,
for your sake.

I wanted to gently mend
every flaw you saw
in yourself, I wanted
to make life beautiful.

To let you in?
I wanted to try. I wanted to feel.

I wanted to be there to share
when the demons come breathing
down your neck and every sick
thought stalks your head.

I wanted you there when the
tears wouldn't stop
or couldn't start and
I wanted to catch all of yours.

But you feel I've done wrong.
Pain that ripped through my core
and begged me to scream out
every truth I've concealed-
terrified because my love is so deep
yet I never bothered to reveal.

I wanted to tell you
but the words are so heavy and
emotions so real.
Someday I'll tell you.

War in my mind as real
as the war you have seen.
Silence leaves me wondering
if you would fight for me.

I would fight.
I will fight.
I will fight for your love
until I can't fight any more.

I fell in love with you
that was my first mistake.

Empathy that shook my core
I wanted to feel all you felt.
I wanted you to feel what I felt.
(Because I knew you felt it, too.)

I wanted to give myself
until there was nothing left.
I wanted you to love me.

sometimes i run my mouth
just to hear myself talk
sometimes i say things i don't mean
just to see if you were ever listening
and i promise you this
my mouth will be the death of me
awaken me with a kiss
the wicked witch put a spell on me
and if i do something bad
my mouth is sure to tell on me
because sometimes i can't feel
but i say something anyways
just to fill the air
just to let you know
i'm still
there
and sometimes i get scared that if i don't talk
you'll forget me
so i'm sorry if any of the words i say
are empty
i have this horrid fear of being left
and forgotten
it's a silly fear
but it makes me feel rotten
so every once in a while
let me know that you care
because anxiety gets the best of me
and then it takes the rest of me
and that is when i feel
and it's terrible and you can't imagine
how hard it hits
but i can tell you that it hurts
but it's an easy fix.

No words of mine are good enough
I am happy you are free again

welcome

she welcomes my energy inside and gives me tea
calms my busy light without a single word
smiles at my bright aura
a tabby ginger cat purrs on a gingham cloth
blue Delft plates in a row

this was a time with no fuzzy
no noise
no waste
no haste




dimming of all goodness

a woman’s head rolls on the fine sifting sand
dry and warm
a rapier juts forward, pierces the guts of an old man
who carries a child on his back
there’s a red blanket what flies on the line
soggy and now,  it’s hard to tell whose blood drips so

an elongated horn is blown from a desert hill
nobody lives in the mountains of Miranda anymore
her ghost has found voice in the echo of the brambles
her secrets still buzz in heavy hives of long ago
discovered and ravaged by trusted traitors
now hanging in clusters, newly unfound
dried corpses also hang (unmolested) in bloodwood trees
where every trace of gall is let flow in kino



the blood of Miranda flows on**

she of terminalis
lives on eternal
in brook and vale and bush
in veins of progeny bee
and also
in the crickets of the field

In the past I never did any good
Today I am changing the best I could

In the past I only loved my self
Today I am aiding every cry for help

It is amazing how things can change
One day you are a devil, Next day a saint

From Bad to Good we need to change
To make this world a better place

Time heals everything
Hate turns to love
To realize you had something
Time turns a gun to a dove

I'm sorry's are pushed away
Even though you want it more than anything on earth
Apologies are full of grey
I'm sorry's no longer have any worth

I was compared to a simple, deadly car crash
Was told life could be a ride
Until I caused that bash
I was compared with a metaphor with very little pride

I took those five jobs
Chose work over love
I mimicked those  snobs
I took that money thinking I was above

What I thought I had is gone
But there is always hope
Love is not something to pawn
What I thought I had had now left me to mope