Who decides life is not worth it?
You?
God?
When you reach this point, questioning living, breathing, you play god.
You feel your mind make,
take,
break
and create
new processes never felt before; a process of passion,
confusion, contradiction and confession.
You strive just by the thought of not surviving.
The
downfall
of a
suicidal
mind.

Painfully and buried deep down the impulses slip out.
Screams for hopes, answers, connections, positive aspirations.
Constantly wondering is this it?
Is this the end?
That your life can never peek again,
so the result of your collapse is an
eternal slumber with the devil by your side.
Whispering in your ear telling you about the ache
and sorrow your sinking heart and conscience feel.
An eternal hell. An eternal anguish, torment, suffering.
Do you stay in the hell on earth or hell in the after life?
You examine all the details
over and over
only thinking of your lonely pitiful life.
Meaningless and outrageous.
Screams moving around trying to get out but only
bouncing back inside of you to find
the little nothingness in which they are in seek of.  
Literally, are taking you in and cutting you into
the smallest treads as possible over and over.
Never letting up to give the one underneath a second break.
Pounding as hard as possible.
Thudding and pulling, twisting and hurting.
Neither end nor good.
You can feel the over whelming sense of your corruption
taking you headfirst and choking your every last breath off.
Cutting it away like a river being eroded by things we cannot control.
Your life you cannot control.
People you cannot control.
You see the only outlet in your mind
but it burdens you with insanity behind it.
Taking life; your own life.
The reasons are bliss.
Sweet tender resolutions freeze
over your tempered thoughts,
fragile thoughts of a
suicidal.
Unaware of the footprint left behind.
Your stomach churns,
stirs
and confusion
sets in once again.
You feel ***** rising in your
throat about to implode
but it’s just an illusion created
in your mind;
hallucinations.
Questions are still increasing
their intensity and passion.
With every moment of aloneness and isolation,
the time ticks away from you until you feel as though
you will fly into a rage.
You take a deep breath;
intense thoughts.
Questioning right verses wrong;
life verses death;
now or never.
Take a step back
and pull the trigger;
welcome to the end.

sadness doesn't affect me
as much as it used to
mainly because
i found hope
in his heart
such a pure
beautiful love

if only time
could rewind
maybe i'd
be fully
recovered
from the
amount
of trauma
sustained
along
the
way

Anxiety is a loaded gun. Once provoked, you **** the gun.
Your emotions crescendo as you pace the floor with your finger on the trigger.
You anticipate the moment you have the chance to pull it.
As pressure builds the tension rises, building and gathering.
POP!
A flash of light as your anger is released.
Your stress has reached its ******.
That split second can influence the rest of your life.
The trigger has been pulled.
You feel a sense of exhilaration.
Energy is finally released.
The ammo hurdles out at untamable speeds, obliterating everything in its path.
The damage is done, and can’t be taken back.
Hurting yourself is the least of your worries as you start to see the pain you've inflicted on others.
The recoil leaves you tender and vulnerable, Open to the repercussions.
Even after all has calmed the smoke will linger on as a horrific memory of an unforgettable scene of mayhem.
As you try to fix the wounds of others you notice yours start to weaken and worsen.
How could you let such a doltish petty thing effect the life of you and the lives of others?

three words
saved my life
they were yours
my love