I regret every meal
I hate my every flaw
I despise how I feel
all I do is sleep and draw
nothing keeps me positive
what is this life I have lived?

I pop pills like they're candy
I drink until it's all fine & dandy
I read books until I lose myself
I write poetry until my head spins
I touch my skin and brush against my scars
I remind myself that it's not over yet
I remind myself as I look at the stars

Anxiety.
It's like a big wave that crashes over you.
It drowns you almost.
It's like being drowned.
You can hold your breath at first.
You can act like your fine.
But then it builds.
And builds.
And builds.
Until you break and you can't breathe.
Your gasping for air but you don't get any.
You can't hear.
Only muffled screams.
Telling you to calm down.
But you can't.
You have no control.
None.
Zero.
Zippo.
Zilch.
~m.a

2014:

the year I start clean.

the year I take a breath,
of fresh oxygen.

the year I heal my old wounds.

the year I destroy my memory of you.

Hate.

You.